My Favourite Films of All Time! #13The Craft [1996]
Directed by: Andrew Fleming
Starring: Neve Campbell, Fairuza Balk, Robin Tunney

"Relax... it's only magic"

In 1996, when The Craft came out, something happened. Girls all over the world started wearing black, buying crystals, and reading about witchcraft. The Craft had a MASSIVE effect on teenage popular culture for a good few years. Why? because for the first time ever on film, witches were taken out of horror movies and fantasy epics, and were actually depicted as modern and cool. Being a witch was sexy, it meant you could dress like a whore and be a badass without being a hook nosed green skinned troll with a pointy hat, It also meant you had "pussy power", because magic seriously connects girls with their inner sex god.

The Craft follows the story of Sarah [Robin Tunney], the new girl in school who has no friends, and feels like an outsider. She ends up befriending the "freaks" of her grade, Nancy [Fairuza], Bonnie [Neve] and Rochelle [Rachel True]. What Sarah doesn't realize is that these girls are witches. Sarah herself is also a witch. So when these 4 girls join forces, they start casting spells and making their mundane teenage worlds a better place. Sarah's one wish is to make the popular guy in school fall in love with her, Bonnie's wish is to make the scars on the skin of her back disappear, Rochelle wishes she would stop being bullied by a racist rich white tramp, and Nancy.........well......Nancy is a little power hungry, so she wishes to triple her power and become the strongest witch of them all.
They all get their wishes. Unfortunately, with power comes responsibility, and when you abuse that responsibility, you get some serious consequence. Things start going wrong. Sarah's spellbound new boyfriend becomes a stalker, Bonnie's become an attractive scarless bitch, Rochelle's powers are making her bullies life a living hell [bitch loses her hair] and Nancy is running high on magic and losing her mind to "the dark side".

Sarah see's the mess the girls have made, and tries to put a stop to it. Sadly for her, the other 3 girls are now off with Satan [not really], and all they wanna do is wreak as much magic vagina powered havoc as they can!
Sarah is left to fight against the girls and try to make things right. This ain't no silly little cat fight though. This is some serious flying witches cuntery, and Sarah is gonna have to get her magic mojo into gear because Nancy and her 2 minions want to whoop her ass with as much magic as they can throw at her.
Let's get one thing straight, this isn't any Bewitched for a 90's generation bullshit. There's no cutesy pie spell casting and sweetie pie girly special effects. This is serious!. These girls find some uber power, and they use the shit out of it.
The great thing about The Craft is that they've set the entire movie in a realistic world. There are many "witchy" moments, but it's all still grounded enough to not make it hokey. A lot of the "magic law" discussed in the movie is in fact based on real Wiccan texts. They had some witch from the biggest coven in America giving the film makers the information they needed to make the movie a little more authentic. In fact, the big group spell casting done during the beach scene IS an actual real life spell. Cool stuff.

The story also has some hidden themes about female power and the types of urges and changes girls go through during their tender teenage years. It's about control, it's about being something you want to be, about having those things during that time in your life to help you be happier and stronger. That doesn't mean guys can't get into this movie though. There's plenty here for boys to like. The story is entertaining, and of course, the girls themselves get shorter skirts everytime they're powers get stronger. You know how boys are, heh....

Another great thing about the movie is the cast. The girls themselves are very like able, even when they turn bad. Robin Tunny who plays Sarah, actually had a shaved head while filming this movie. She wore a wig the entire time. Sometimes, it's a little obvious with the sprouting like way her hair grows from her forehead. Neve Campbell sighs and buck tooths her way through her role as Bonnie. She also really needs a bra at one point, but we love her anyway. Rachel true as Rochelle is the one you root for the most, mainly because the racist shit she deals with gets on my last nerve. And Fairuza, oh Fairuza, she certainly has a face only a mother could love. Not that she's UGLY per se, but that girl has a mouth on her that could swallow a whole basketball. The gothed out, grunge trash make up doesn't help either, BUT.............she is pretty cool, and she plays the role like a fucking mental patient.

There's a handful of 90's teen films that have really stood the test of time for me. The Craft is one of them. If you were in high school in the late 90's, chances are, you've seen the movie 10 times. Maybe even more. And you most likely love it. I honestly haven't met anyone who hasn't enjoyed it. It's just too fucking kick ass!
If you haven't seen it, get your fat ass on a broom stick and fly somewhere to find it. You won't regret it. And if you watch it and hate it, i'll seriously hex your sorry ass!

[Kisses a tree]My first podcast adventure of 2010. This one is shared with a few other people, i'm in the last section of the recording, "Round 3" to be exact. We talk about all things AVATAR, so if you've seen it, give it a listen!.....

>>>>PODCAST: 12.1.10<<<<

My Favourite Albums Of ALL TIME! #1 Madonna Ray of Light [1998]
A few years before Ray of Light was released, Madonna went through a bit of a career backlash. She took her sex filled image to new heights in her 'Justify My Love' video in 1990. Then she released her 'Erotica' album a couple years after, alongside her nude coffee table book called SEX. By the end of 1992, she'd gone from Madonna to Vagonna!, and the media was having a field day keeping their eye on her constant publicity stunts and over sexualized image. Once her 1994 album hit, 'Bedtime Stories', critics claimed her reign as Queen of pop may be over. Her record sales weren't as strong as they used to be, and people were getting sick of her.
Madonna took some time off, she had a baby [Lola] and eventually won back critics praises with her performance in the movie musical 'Evita'.

In 1998, 4 years after her last album, she was ready to make a comeback, so she unleashed what many fans and critics consider to be the best album of her career, Ray of Light!.
On ROL she joined forces with music producer William Orbit, and Madonna's love affair with electronic music was BORN!. The album was her most personal at the time. It deals with issues about the sacrifices she made for fame, motherhood, and her new found spirituality. The album goes between ambient synths [To Have & Not To Hold], heavy bass driven dance numbers [Skin], and rock light mid tempo tracks [Candy Perfume Girl]. There's also a couple ballads on this album that i consider to be some of the best songs she ever did, those being 'The Power of Goodbye' and my all time favourite Madonna song, 'Frozen'.
The album has a very strong ethereal and aquatic feel to it. You'd think Madonna was dipping her head in and out of the ocean while making this album, ha!.

The album starts off on a quiet note, but slowly builds into a beautifully produced electronic masterpiece. The track listing from tracks #5-#11 are perfect in every way. It's one mind blowing song after another. Then the album goes out on a quiet note again. The only track on the album that doesn't do all that much for me, is the last song, 'Mer Girl'. In saying that though, it fits well with the rest of the album, and is one of the most interesting songs she's done, so i wouldn't get rid of it, it's still an important part of the journey.

When people ask me what my favourite album of all time is, i usually say this one. There are a handful of other albums that could fit the #1 spot easily depending on my mood, but Ray of Light is the one i mention the most. You'd think i'd be playing the album every week since i love it so much, but that isn't the case at all. In fact, i only play the album as a whole a couple times a year. I've heard it so much over the years, that i need to be in the right mood for it. I do love it to death though.

Ray of Light seems to be the ONE Madonna album none fans own. I love that about it. Similar to 'Like A Prayer', it stands on it's own feet as a special project separate from her more fluffier pop albums.
It's honest and atmospheric. You haven't heard what she's capable of until you've heard this album. It's the best thing she's EVER done.

1. Drowned World/Substitute For Love 5/5

2. Swim 4/5
3. Ray of Light 4/5
4. Candy Perfume Girl 4/5
5. Skin 5/5
6. Nothing Really Matters 5/5
7. Sky Fits Heaven 5/5
8. Shanti/Ashtangi 5/5
9. Frozen 5/5
10. The Power of Goodbye 5/5
11. To Have & Not To Hold 5/5
12. Little Star 4/5

13. Mer Girl 3/5

My music is YOUR music!Similar to my favourite movies of all time posts [which i'll still be doing], i'm going to start doing write ups on my favourite albums of all time too!!!!!!!. I'll post my first one tomorrow. There will be more to say about some albums than others, but each one i write about will be an album i TRULY love. I'd provide a download link for each album if i could, but i don't want my precious blog shut down, so i'll play it safe. You all know how to get that shit anyway..............fucking criminals!

xx.

It only feels like yesterday that i was doing my 2008 list. It's been a bit of a mixed bag this year for music and movies. Some great stuff, some average stuff, some shit stuff. Here it all is....

10. Paloma Faith Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?
Last year came Duffy [who i love], and this year came Paloma Faith. She has an amazing voice. Amy Whinehouse had a great voice too, but one thing she lacked for me were hooks in her songs. Duffy has the hooks, and so does Paloma.
Best track: New York.

09. Muse The Resistance
Muse have always been very hit and miss to me. I've enjoyed a few of their songs, but this is the first full album i've purchased by them. It's very "grand" in places. They've experimented a little.
Best track: Undisclosed Desires.

08. Marilyn Manson The High End Of Low
I enjoyed his last album [Eat Me Drink Me], but this new one is a better overall product. The album is a bit overlong, but he knows how to write some GREAT melodies.
Best track: Four Rusted Horses.

07. Alicia Keys The Element of Freedom
Four albums into her career and she still can't seem t0 get it wrong. There's less piano here when compared to her other records. The 80's r&b vibe suits her voice. I love Alicia Keys!
Best track: Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart.

06. t.A.T.u. Waste Management
They released the Russian version of this last year, and it had some decent songs on it. This English version however is MUCH better, and it came in an epic TRANSCENDED version that featured an intro to every track. It turned it into a much more meatier album.
Best track: Fly On The Wall.

05. The Twilight Saga: New Moon Original Soundtrack
If there's on thing Twilight haters can all agree on, it's that the movie soundtracks from the film series have been REALLY good. New Moon is the best soundtrack i've heard in a LONG time.
Best track: Hearing Damage - Thom Yorke

04. Yeah Yeah Yeahs It's Blitz
Not sure if it's there best album, i'm still torn between this one and their last record [Show Your Bones]. Overtime though, i think this may become my favourite by them. It's a grower.
Best track: Heads Will Roll.

03. Lady GaGa The Fame Monster
One year after The Fame, the world wanted MORE! so GaGa gave it!!!!! The mini Monster album is a good mix of trademark GaGa melodies, as well as giving us some great new sounds that we haven't heard from her before. Love her!

02. Peaches I Feel Cream
I played the SHIT out of this album ALL year. She should collaborate more often with other artists, it worked really well on this album.
Best track: Talk To Me.

01. Gossip Music For Men
I've always liked a bit of Gossip over the years. This album is what sealed the deal for me though. Every song on the album is perfect, and every hook plays over and over in your brain till you want to EXPLODE. They've created a very original sound for themselves. Beth Ditto is God.
Best track: 4 Letter Word


Honorable mentions:
Florence + The Machine - Lungs
Fever Ray - Self Titled
Rihanna - Rated R
30 Seconds To Mars - This Is War
Little Boots - Hands



Chris Cornell Scream
Yes, SCREAM indeed. The biggest WTF! moment in music this year belongs to THIS album. Chris dropped his rock sound for a Timbaland produced urban/pop/rock mess of an album. His fans ran in horror [or laughed], the critics burnt the album alive, and it didn't even make a pond ripple upon it's release. It has literally vanished into the abyss it came from. A utter piece of shit that confuses and amazes me at the same time. What next? Justin Timberlake releases a death metal record?. Chris Ohwell.

Flo Rida Roots
You know what i think of when i imagine ROOTS? Long hard wooden tree legs that STAB into the ground. That's what listening to Flo Rida is like. STABBING IN MY EARS. He's another one of those SHAGGY style rappers [remember Shaggy, lol] who knows how to write a catchy hook, but creates music to go along with it that makes you want to rip the skin off your face in some sort of graphic bloody manner. No Rida.

Brooke Hogan The Redemption
I was almost NOT going to include this. It's just so pointless to bash something that's SO obviously wanting to be slaughtered. It's an album full of songs Britney rejected. In fact, even Britney would laugh at this TRY HARD DESPERATE attempt of a record. I honestly can't even describe it. Don't EVER bother with it. How Brooke even managed to work with ANYONE to make this album is beyond me. Guess some producers will do anything for a bit of cash. Brooke NOgan.

20. Scars Basement Jaxx
There's always a bit of room for some Jaxx!....AND Kelis, who's on guest vocals.

19. New York Paloma Faith
Forget Amy Whinehouse, Duffy and Paloma do it better. Pretty song.

18. 4 Letter Word Gossip
Any of their new songs could have made it here, i fucking love this band.

17. Sexy Bitch David Guetta
It's best enjoyed full blast and in the company of 1000 sweaty people.

16. Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart Alicia Keys
A bit of a departure for Alicia. Got a bit of an 80's vibe to it. One of her best songs.

15. Gifted N.A.S.A.
This song is EPIC, but the album they churned out along with it was a fucking shitty mess. Don't take this track as an indicator of what the rest of the debut album sounds like.

14. Symmetry Little Boots
If you like Human League, you'll like this.

13. Hearing Damage Thom Yorke
Dark and moody. On VERY heavy rotation.

12. World Go Round Busta Rhymes
Impossible to listen to without turning up full blast.

11. Boom Boom Pow The Black Eyed Peas
We can thank Daft Punk for this. Crazy, crazy, bass line.

10. Howl Florence + The Machine
There were a few Florence tracks which could have made this spot, but i went with the one i listened to the most.

09. Change Daniel Merriweather
The album didn't live up to this song unfortunately, but whatever, still a great song. Plus, it's always cool seeing an Aussie release something decent.

08. Pearl's Dream Bat For Lashes
I've wanted to include a Lashes track in my top 20 for a while now, but i always seem to run out of room. Not this year though!!!!! beautiful song.

07. Heads Will Roll Yeah Yeah Yeahs
This track was the best one off their 2009 record. Great video too.

06. Tigerlily La Roux
While everyone went nuts over 'Bulletproof', i fell in love with this.

05. Undisclosed Desires Muse
Great song. You can never go wrong with synths.

04. The Day We Fell Apart Kelly Clarkson
This song was RIDICULOUSLY placed onto the album track listing as a bonus song. It's the best thing she's done.

03. Talk To Me Peaches
Very grimy and dirty sounding, much like Peaches herself.

02. Ignorance Paramore
Their 2009 album was a bit of a let down, but it did feature a few great tracks on it. This was the best one. ParaMORE!

01. Bad Romance Lady GaGa
Not only is this her best track, but it's also become my favourite pop song of the last 10 years!. Creepy, loud, sexy, it's perfect!. It never gets old.



Round Round Flo Rida
Round Round, in my fucking head, none stop, like torture. Someone stop him, please!

Kiss U Thru The Phone Soulja Boy
I'm sure i spelled this idiots name wrong. Everything he does is wrong though, so who cares really. Kiss You Through The Phone? is this shit serious? and people loved this too, fucking hell. Smack you with a phone is more like it.

I Gotta Feeling The Black Eyed Peas
The most annoying song of 2009. I want to punch the radio every time i hear it. It was a massive single, yet i can't find ONE person who likes it? WHO IS BUYING IT?

Devilicious Nikki Webster
Many of you may not know her. She's an ex Aussie child singer who reached puberty and thought she'd sing a Britney song from 1998 in a Christina Aguilera style video to show us all how grown up she has become. It's embarrassing and crap in every way possible. It's also not very sexy. I'm all for guilty pleasures, but anyone who likes this is seriously an asshole.

We Are Golden Mika
Someone tell this dumb twat to shut his mouth. Awful. And while you're at it, cut that stupid curly bouncy hairdo. Mikunt.

Good Girls Gone Bad Cobra Starship
Worst song of 2009 for me. Annoying lyrics, punchable lead singer, and a ridiculously pointless cameo from some Gossip Girl moron. FUCK OFF COBRA STARSHIT!

BEST: Lady GaGa Bad Romance
A nice example of what you can do with a massive budget.Weird and sexy.
Honorable mentions: Peaches - Talk To Me, Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll.


WORST: Chris Brown I Can Transform You
Hilariously stupid. It's a complete mess. What IS this video meant to be? robots, ninjas, geisha's? riiiiight. I don't know what's worse, people turning into cars, or Chris flipping around nun chucks for some random reason. It's like he watched too many Sasha Fierce and Lady GaGa videos and then tried to make his own, only.....he lacks the style and imagination to pull it off.

2009 has been one of the most "fascinating" cinema years i've had. You rarely come across movies that not only entertain you, but also heighten your viewing experience in a unique way. Martyrs, Avatar and Paranormal Activity are 3 movies this year that have been some of the most exciting times i've had at the cinema. They took me some place new, and that's what fascinates me most about movies. They have the ability to transport me somewhere else and give me an EXPERIENCE. Paranormal Activity i couldn't get out of my mind for WEEKS, Martyrs shocked my senses, and Avatar was a visual assault on my eye balls. They're ALL here...

10. Where The Wild Things Are
Starring: James Gandolfini
It's not for kids, in fact, it's a bit trippy and they wouldn't understand the message behind the movie. Great for adults though, very sweet.

09. Inglorious Basterds
Starring: Brad Pitt, Eli Roth
Who DOESN'T like Quentin Tarantino? i'll tell you who........NOBODY!. Some people think this is the only film he's done that's comes close to PULP FICTION standards, maybe it is, maybe it isn't, either way, it's badass.

08. Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince
Starring: Daniel Radcliff, Helena Bonham Carter
I've always enjoyed the HP movies. This has been the best one so far. I can see why some fans were split on it, it's very dark. It's my kinda style though. POTT ON!

07. Jennifer's Body
Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried
I love Diablo Cody, so there's no surprise that i enjoyed her writing in this. It's funny, sexy and gory. One of those movies you can easily watch over and over.

06. Drag Me To Hell
Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long
I love a good horror comedy. I revisited this a second time this year and i was happy to see it was even better second time around. Gross and funny at the same time.

05. Paranormal Activity
Starring: Some tubby girl and some guy
The most interesting movie experience i had this year. Had me on the edge of my seat. Creepy, realistic and VERY memorable. Deserved all the hype it got.

04. The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Starring: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart
I was surprisingly entertained from start to finish with this. The direction and music elevated it to a completely different level for me. Some great new additions to the cast as well. Now for Eclipseeeee!!!

03. Avatar
Starring: Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver
Mind blowingly epic and huge in every way possible. Technically, it's like nothing you've seen before, like an orgasm for the eyes. Story wise, it's nothing to be amazed by, but it has a nice message and the world James Cameron created is so immersible. It needs to be seen in IMAX 3D. Great fun.

02. Watchmen
Starring: Billy Crudup, Malin Akerman
You'll either get this, or you won't, it's not for everyone. It's intelligent, it's faithful to the comic book and it's AMAZINGLY shot by Zac Snyder. Complex and interesting, i loved it.

01. Martyrs
Starring: Some French chics
Starts off as a straight forward gore movie. Then it unfolds and turns into something a lot more interesting. There are so many deeper meanings behind the film, and at certain times, it's an incredibly powerful movie experience. It's so horrific, it almost becomes beautiful in it's own sick way. It's hard to explain, and it's not for everyone. People either love it or hate it. Personally, i think it's a masterpiece.


Honorable mentions:

- District 9
- Let The Right One In
- Bruno
- Whip It


500 Days of Summer
I wanted to like it, but it was too pretentious for it's own good. It also featured HUGELY unlikeable characters, especially Summer, who was a right twat!. I can see the appeal, but honestly, it just rubbed me up the wrong way. In fact, i kinda hated it.

Orphan
A movie that should be retitled ABORTION. Boring run of the mill "creepy kid" movie with a twist that is SO ridiculous, it's amazing people even BOUGHT INTO IT. Laughably silly.

Obsessed
A movie starring Beyonce, produced by Beyonce's Dad, and featuring the music of Beyonce. It's a lame vanity project that starts off surprisingly well, and slowly turns into a cliched laugh fest filled with every stalker movie cliche you can think of, and a laughably cheesy "girl on girl" bitch fight where both female leads go from timid every day women, to roof top kicking super bitches. The final shot of the film is a random zoom in on Beyonce's face which may as well have had a scrolling text saying "buy my album" across the screen. Desperate and cheesy.

Heidie Mongtage and Spencer The Pratt are two of the mot vapid idiots the media has ever set it's lenses on. This year, we saw Heidick try and launch her much delayed [thankfully] music career. We saw our first glimpse of it when her block faced boyfriend, The Pratt, filmed a music video for his brain dead girlfriend called Black Out. The video featured Heidumb rolling around in a bikini at a pool side. The song was utter shit, and 90% of the video budget went to filling Heidingbat's tits with silicone. Did they honestly think this shit would sell?
Then came Heidong's debut stage performance at some random pageant show. She mimed her way through the song and danced badly. Honestly, it's like i'm watching a pop star from 1998. Times have changed Heidingle my sweet, we already have one BRITNEY, and she does it a lot better than you do.
There was also The Pratt's claims about Heidump being the next MADONNA, and being better than Lady GaGa. Funnily enough, when The Pratt and Mongtit's were seen at a Lady GaGa gig earlier this year, they were pelted with glow sticks and were forced to leave the venue after only one song.
Aside from failed attempts at having careers, these two retards show their HUGELY hideous mugs on red carpets around America and talk a lot of shit. Most of the shit comes from The Pratt's humorously triangular shaped mouth, which seems to open and close at a rapid rate as it release fecal matter after fecal matter. Does he honestly think anyone cares? does Heidope honestly think people find her attractive? does Pratt not realize he has a hilarious President like hair do and punchable face? do people HONESTLY like these 2 idiots? because oddly enough, they do have SOME fans. Most of the people who like them tend to be The Hills fans anyway, and that doesn't say much does it?

They are the most pointless and unlikeable couple in the world. I would give them this award every year for the rest of my life if i could.

See Heidick's crap 'Black Out' video here


Let's get one thing straight, kids are bastards. I don't usually like them, and when i do, they need to be well behaved and polite. Every so often though, a child comes along, that is so amazing, i can't help but bask in it's kiddie splendor!
Balloon Boy is a lying little cunt who joined forces with his parents to pretend that he was trapped in a floating helium balloon. It was all over world news! cameras followed the balloon as it crossed the skies, and everyone feared for Balloon Boy's safety. While the world waited for the poor Balloon Boy to be saved, he was sucking his thumb and laughing at the stupid adults on TV from his basement.
I know what you're all saying, "but the parents forced him to do it!"...............bullshit!. Kids are some of the most evil creatures on Earth, he knew EXACTLY what he was doing!. The kid doesn't care, he knew he would get away with it because he's a tiny person. His parents who devised the whole plan took the wrap.

I take my hat off to you Balloon Boy, child mastermind extraordinaire!

Until next year xx.

Tonight i'm gonna party like it's 1999!
It's been a while since i did a guest stink on the Super Podcast with Super Marcey. Last night we mic'd up and yammered on about movies released way back in 1999. It's was an oddly FULL year for big movies, you'd be surprised at how many well known ones came out that year. WHY NOT REVISIT IT WITH US!!!!!?

>>>SUPER PODCAST #16 - The Films of 1999<<<



:)

My Favourite Films Of All Time! # 12Bram Stoker's Dracula [1992]
Directed by: Francis Ford Cappola
Starring: Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins

" I have crossed oceans of time to find you."

If you're looking for the definitive Dracula movie, then forget Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee as Dracula. All you need is this BEAST of a movie!.
Francis Ford Cappola may be known mostly for The Godfather, but to me, his true masterpiece was Dracula. The film is heavily based on the original novel by Bram Stoker, and it features the best portrayel of Dracula on screen, thanks to Gary Oldman in the title role. Before we get into that though, here's what Dracula is about....

In 14th century Romania, Prince Dracula [Gary Oldman] leaves his beloved Elizabeta [ha!] to fight against the crazy Turks invading his land. During Dracula's absence, Elizabeta hears false news of Dracula's death, and kills herself. On Dracula's return, he learns of his loves "bye bye" and goes a little nuts. In a fit of rage, Dracula renounces God and the Church for taking his lovers soul, and gives into his heartbreak and anger, which in turn makes him lose his soul, becoming the immortal walking undead FOREVERRRRRR!!!!!!

Fast forward to 18th century England, and Jonathan Harker must travel to Romania [the spooky Transylvania to be exact] to meet Dracula over some properties he has bought in England [ Dracula loves real estate! ha]. One night, Dracula catches a look at Jonathan's soon to be wife Mina in a photograph. She bares a striking resemblance to his beloved long lost Elizabeta, which sends Dracula into "obsessed ex" mode, forcing him to hold Jonathan captive in his spooky castle as Dracula sets off to England to woo the panties off Mina!.
Once Dracula arrives, he morphs into a younger version of himself and sets out to win Mina's heart. Dracula is a bit of a naughty boy though, so when he isn't taking Mina out on dates, he's drinking her best friend Lucy's blood and killing anyone else in his path.
Once Mina falls under his spell, it's up to Jonathan [who escapes his castle prison], and Dracula hunter, Van Helsing [Anthony Hopkins] to rescue her from becoming Dracula's undead bride!

The first thing you'll notice about this movie are the visuals. The movie looks BEAUTIFUL. The makers of the film wanted the movie to be very stylish and unique. A lot of work went into all the visual effects and iconic costumes [Dracula's titty wig anyone?]. They went for an OLD SKOOL style of effects shots that works really well in giving the movie a specific look and feel. At times, a few scenes may look a little "fake" [backgrounds ect], but that was the point. It all works anyway, so it's not something that will stick out a lot.My favourite thing about the Dracula story, is that on the surface, it's a basic vampire horror tale. But underneath it all, it's an incredibly erotic and powerful love story. Think about it, this guy loses the love of his life, and would rather GIVE UP HIS SOUL and wait for his one true love to return one day, then to die. He turns himself into an evil monster, all in the name of love. And when Mina realizes who he is, when she remembers him from her past life, even as a monster, she still wants to be with him. In the end, it's Mina who is the only one who can release him from his endless existence. It's powerful stuff. It's one of the most romantic films i've ever seen.

Romantic undertones aside, there is some serious vampire fuckery in this movie. Most notably involving Mina's best friend Lucy. Poor Lucy. She really gets fucked over and becomes a she devil!. Dracula feeds off her every night, causing her to crave blood and be horny 24/7. When he pays her visits, he appears to her as a werewolf creature and fucks her outside. That's some serious beastiality shit right there!. Then, he finally makes her one of his "brides" [there are 3 others, Dracula is a pimp, ha], only to have Lucy staked to death on her fist night out as a fresh new vampire!. Lucy can't ever seem to get a break, lol. She does look cool as a vampire though.

As i mentioned before, Gary Oldman is THA MAN as Dracula. He REALLY plays this role with a lot conviction. He acts his ass off!. He seemed to really drown himself in the role from what i saw during behind the scenes documentaries. He's incredible to watch.
Winona does a good job tooth whistling her way through her role as Mina. Anthony Hopkins plays Van Helsing as a bit of a mental case, but it works, and he provides some humor. Sadi Frost as Lucy is creepy as fuck, and looks like she's having a ball, very memorable character. The only wobbly casting comes from Keanu Reeves, who's a bit hit and miss throughout the movie with his stiff neck and stupid floppy hairdo. Oh and Monica Bellucci gets her titties out as another of Dracula's brides..................in case any guys would like to know.

I keep revisiting this movie over and over. I watch it nearly every year, and i never get bored of it. I've never met anyone who didn't enjoy it either, it's just too well put together. Some say it's a bit style over substance, but with some of the performances in it, you can;t say the movie is ONLY nice to look at. It's so much more. I love it.

Aoooh!The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Starring: Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart
Directed by: Chris Weitz
4/5

THIS is the Twilight movie i've been waiting for!!!!! The series has had a massive quality boost when compared to the first movie. Not that i hated Twilight........well....i kinda did on first viewing, but it grew on me, and i've come to accept it, even though it's MASSIVELY flawed. New Moon however, nearly reached PERFECT status at certain points. In fact, as an overall film, i was VERY pleased with the final result.

I give big props to director Chris Weitz for bringing a breath of fresh air to NM. Gone are the indie style camera movements and saturated blue tones of the first movie [which i liked]. Instead we have more of an Earthy looking film [in tone with the werewolf theme], and a much slicker and interesting style of direction. The tone and look of the book was captured perfectly. I can't fault anything about it. I'm happy to see Catherine Hardwick [Director of Twilight] gone from this project. No offense to the ladies reading this, but, this story needed more of a masculine touch to it. Catherine and her shaky cam and grainy close ups would have ruined this for me. It suited movie 1, but not this.

The introduction of Jacob was one of my favourite parts of the first movie, so it's no surprise that his beefed up role in NM made me enjoy this movie a lot more. In fact, Kristen Stewart had even BETTER chemistry with Taylor than she did with Rob Pattz. Bella becomes MUCH more like able when she's around Jacob. She smiles, she shows a range of emotion, she isn't just a droning, stuttering fool like she is when she's with Edward. They're a likable couple. Of course, i can't NOT mention Jacobs ripped abs, which were greeted by howling screams in the cinema every time he showed up, lol. I personally don't get it, you'd think the women in the audience hadn't ever seen a gym body before. He's a handsome young guy though, so i get it, but that's the issue with him for me, he's just too young to drool over. He is great in the part though.

Another great addition to the cast is Dakota Fanning as vampire Jane. She doesn't do much, but when she does pop up, she's a scurry lil' thang. The rest of the vampire clan, The Volturi, are pretty cool too. Especially Michael Sheen as Aro. Victoria's return in the film is also handled really well, and we get a great forest chase sequence [which wasn't in the book] between her and some werewolves. GREAT scene.

This IS Twilight, so it's not going to be problem free. There's still a bit of cheese thrown in every now and again. The main moment being a scene featuring Edward and Bella frolicking through a forest, dressed in Abecrombe and Finch clothing, all done in slow motion. It's laughable that it was included, and really took me out of the movie.
The vampire make up is also still really fucked. They look cool, don't get me wrong. They certainly LOOK "other worldly". But for vampires to LIVE with humans, there needs to be some sort of believability to how they appear. These vamps look anything but human. Sometimes they look fucking ridiculous!.........like Jasper for example!!!!!! They fucked up his face in movie 1, but wait till you see him in this. GOOD LORD! it's like Edward Scissorhands bleached his whole head! he just looks really ugly and shit. Edward was looking a little on the pancake face side as well. Almost as if he was melting, like wax. No.

They make up for all of this with the AWESOME werewolf effects though. They were actually kinda scary, very big, and very vicious. I thought they'd make them a bit more cuddly, but they pulled them off well. I only wish we saw more of them.

Aside from minor make up gripes, and cheesy scenery, the rest of the movie was really enjoyable. It's getting a very mixed reception from fans, and not a very good one from critics, which is surprising me, because i find Twilight to be so inferior when compared to NM, but people seemed to enjoy Twilight more. Maybe it;'s because i enjoyed the NM book so much, i dunno. I really loved it. As a fan, i had a blast!

Britney Spears
The Circus Tour 2009
Acer Arena
2.5/5

The crowd: Absolutely INSANE. The loyalty of her fans was OBVIOUS during the show. I've NEVER been to a show with SO MUCH screaming and devotion. It was nice to see, especially after endless media reports about walk outs and upset fans. It was clearly only a small percentage of people who didn't enjoy the show, because from what i saw, most people seemed to have a blast.
The crowd was the most interesting one iv'e seen so far at an Arena tour [besides GaGa's crowd]. SO many poofs and SLUTTY girls, lol, but in a good way!
The female fans were awesome, the crowd was filled with Barbie doll look a likes, some in Britney costumes, others practically in their undies and heels. Even the fat girls bleached their hair and put on the pinkist skirt they could find. Had a tranny sitting in front of me too.

Opening act: Well known Aussie female Dj, Dj Havana opened the show. Cool set up, hot girl, jumping around in her tiny undies and stilettos. Set the mood for the type of show we were about to see.

The show: Firstly, the set up for the tour was done well. The entire stadium glowed pink [gay], and they had sprayed the entire arena with her perfume. I felt like i was sitting inside Britney's vagina or something, was cute :). Once Dj Havana finished her set, they had a big 25 minute countdown to Britney's arrival. It was the PERFECT crowd warmer, because once we got to that last minute, lawd oh lawd, lol, that crowd fucking lost their minds. GREAT way to start the show.

Britney started with Circus, then worked her way through Piece of Me, and a couple of other songs. It was exciting seeing her. She's SO famous, and because i've been a fan for years, i couldn't help but get a few butterflies inside my tummy. I wasn't going nuts though, it just didn't call for it.

As we approached the middle of the show, things got a bit more interesting. Me Against The Music was GREAT. Best performance of the night, they utilized the stage the most during that. The stage was a bit tricky to navigate at times i noticed. There were some songs where she'd just have oher back to us for an entire song. It left you feeling a bit "um.....hello bitch, i'm over here!".
Other stand out moments were Do Something and Get Naked. The dancing in get Naked was really good, and Britney seemed into it. Breathe On Me was funny. The guy they dragged up on the stage looked pleased with the fact that Britney was shimmering her hips in front of him. He was some big jock, he looked REALLY excited in the pants region. I think he was straight, lol.

Other parts of the show i liked were the videos shown. The opener with Perez was done well, so was the Sweet Dreams mask party video.

Now for the not so great stuff.

Miming. This is the first "live" act i've seen mime a show, and it will be my last. I was obviously aware of what i was in for going in, and that's fine, i still chose to go. After going through the experience though, i can't say i got too much out of seeing someone lip every song on stage.
The main problem is the CONNECTION. When you mime a song, there's NO connection with the audience. I don't care if the song is only about shaking your ass!, if you sing it live, it puts a bit of conviction behind it, and it makes me enjoy it more. I don't mind a bit of miming during parts of songs where choreography comes in. But at least sing the majority of it live so i can actually connect with you on SOME level during the show. With Britney, there was nothing like that there. The show felt like it was on auto pilot, and she felt a million miles away.

Another thing, audience interaction. I don't expect ALL acts to sit and chat with the crowd like Pink does. I'll admit, it's a GREAT way to really make an audience feel close to you if you acknowledge there presence in some way, but it's not desperately needed. Britney had ZERO interaction with us. She said "Hello Sydney" and then "Bye Sydney". That was it. She just wasn't............"there". And i don't mean in a "drugged out" way. Her energy levels were good most of the time and she looked like she was having fun, but it was like watching a robot "do her thing" and then leave.

The tour design was nicely done, but i also think at times it was a bit too much. It felt like the performances were DROWNING in the lights and special fx. I wanted to see Britney, not smoke bombs and flying chairs for 5 minutes while Britney dances at one end of the stage where i couldn't see her past the pretty lights. It was overkill sometimes, and i wished she'd PULL BACK some of the sets to allow us in a bit more.

The miming, the lack of audience interaction, the veil of visual effects............it all worked to make her feel like she was a million miles away on that stage. It was just empty.

Overall, as a fan, i had a decent time. She's got some great songs under her belt, and some of the performances were nicely done. What made the night was the crowd atmosphere and the music. As a touring act though, i can't say Britney left any sort of lasting impression on me. I wish i could say she did, but she didn't. I saw the show, and pretty much didn't think about it by the time i got to my car in the car park. I suppose that's what you get when everything she has to offer on stage is so.........."false".

I've been following her career for 10 years, and i'm still a big fan. I'm glad i can at least say i saw her ONCE in my life, just for the thrill of it. Would i ever see her again though? No. I wouldn't.

Sorry Britney, but..............after seeing her fellow pop friends like Pink, Beyonce and GaGa [who only had a shitty club stage may i add], Brit just ISN'T in the same league on stage. At all. In any way shape or form.

What happens when you sleep?Paranormal Activity [2009]
Directed by: Oren Peli
Starring: Some random people
4/5

There's been so much hype around this movie that i can barely see straight. It's taken the world by storm, and many people are saying it's one of the scariest movies ever made. Some critics even labeled it the scariest film EVER. That's a big title, and a few films over the years have received it. The only movie that's ever lived up to that hype for me has been The Exorcist, so i went into PA with curious eyes. I left all expectations at the door when i went to see this, and was thankfully pleasantly surprised. By "pleasantly surprised", i mean, CREEPED THE FUCK OUT a few good times.

The story follows a young couple named Katie and Micah. They move into a new house, and we soon learn that Katie has a few problems with ghosts. One "ghost" in particular has been following her most of her life. Katie's getting a bit annoyed by being terrified by shadow figures during the night, so her boyfriend decides to record each night as they sleep, so they can catch some raw footage of the haunting taking place. The "ghost" doesn't like this idea very much, and as the nights go on and as creepy footage is captured, the shit starts to hit the fan in a major way.

That's pretty much the entire movie. You follow these people day in and day out, hearing them talk about what's happening, seeing them get stressed, and see paranormal activity occur during the night. What's great about the film is that it has a really nice slow build up to the events that take place closer to the end of the movie.
We get to know the couple during the daytime scenes, some people hated them, i personally liked them. The night time scenes are when MOST of the "freaky" stuff happens, which is probably why it's best to see the film with a smaller crowd. Those scenes work best in complete silence. There's a lot of sound use in the film that really makes your spine tingle, sometimes it's very subtle, other times it's loud as FUCK.

It's hard to talk about the movie without giving too much away, it's best you go in with no idea about scenes or stand out moments. So if you haven't seen the movie, don't read on......if you have, highlight the muted text to read my thoughts of specific moments [or skip to the black text at the end of the review for no spoilers]:

The realistic use of the night cam gives a really great eerie feel to the movie. You feel like you're seeing the real thing and it helps build atmosphere every time the lights are out and the hauntings occur.
Another great effect during the night cam footage: Every time something creepy is about to happen, the play a foreboding sound that lets you know something isn't right. It's an amazing effect that worked like crazy on me, and the rest of the cinema [who went silent each time it happened].

The stand out scene for me was when Katie gets dragged from her bed by her foot. It really fucked me up, and everyone in the cinema was really freaked out, lol. The way it was executed was PERFECT, everything from the way her foot gets gripped to the dragging down the hallway and her screams of terror. It looked exactly like how it would in real life [i assume]. Absolutely spine tingling and completely unexpected. That moment is one of my all time favourite scenes in a movie ever. It's SO well done.

Other nice parts.................the footage of a Ouija board being left alone in the house, creepy stuff, the bed sheets being lifted up over Katie's legs as she sleeps, Katie watching Micha sleep while in a trance, spooky, and the ending where Katie screams for Micah right before throwing his lifeless body at the camera sitting in their bedroom.

The film isn't perfect, and it's not for everybody. There IS a pacing issue in the first half of the film, and a day scene or two could have been shortened or left out completely. The ending, as great as it was, does mess with the tone of the film a bit, and it did get a bit too "Hollywood" for my taste. Other than that, i didn't really find much else wrong with the movie. On repeat viewings it'll most likely lose a bit of it's bite, but in the right setting it could easily be enjoyed again in a second screening. As a first viewing experience though, GREAT stuff. Lots of fun.

When this was initially released through film festivals earlier this year, 99% of the crowd reaction to this was extremely positive. The critical reviews have been strong during it's entire release as well. With lots of hype comes eager people ready to rip a film apart though, and now this is suffering the same situation Blair Witch did back in the day. People go in readying themselves to be TERRIFIED instead of just enjoying it for what it is. I'm sure there are many people out there who genuinely found it boring, or not scary. It's not a masterpiece by any means. But it's also the perfect movie made for the cynical crowd who refuse to get caught up in the latest fad out of some strange desire to PROVE EVERYONE WRONG by hating a movie. It's a bit ridiculous.
In saying that though, as i mentioned before, the film is getting rave reviews by the critics [and still many movie goers], and that's always welcome in my book since horror films are disregarded by critics so often because the genre churns so much crap.

Ignore what everyone else tells you. Don't listen to the hype, don't listen to the complainers [they always try and ruin a party], and try and see this film in a dark room, with as little people as you can, with the volume turned up full blast. If you like a good slow burner, you'll be in for a few treats with this.
Is it the scariest movie ever made? no, is it genuinely creepy? fuck yes.

I'm waving my PA fan flag loud and proud!

She's Evil!Jennifer's Body [2009]
Directed by: Karyn Kusama
Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried
3.5/5

Megan Fox plays Jennifer, a beautiful cheerleader who becomes the victim of a ritual sacrifice at the hands of Satanic worshipers. Problem is, Jennifer doesn't die, in fact, the sacrifice goes a bit wrong and Jennifer returns from the dead, possessed by a flesh eating demon and ready to eat her way through high school.

Enjoyable movie. I didn't expect to be blown away, but it looked decent enough, and i'm a Diablo Cody fan, so i knew it'd have enough positives to pull me in. Some people think Diablo tries too hard with her scripts, creating new words, trying to be witty ect. I actually like her style, it reminds me a little of the writing from Buffy, so i can enjoy it without feeling like she's trying to force "indie cred" onto me. The writing actually turned out to be funnier than i expected, i found myself laughing at a few of the lines, and the characters for the most part were like able.
The storyline was simple and to the point, and even though there wasn't a lot of depth to the characters, they still gave enough for us to like them. They were cast well also. Amanda Seyfried was great as Jennifer's best friend, and Megan Fox did a good job as well. Megan doesn't have much to do in the Transformers movies. She spends most of the time bending over a lot and screaming out "Sam" [not in that order]. Her role in JF isn't exactly brain science either, and it's mostly set around her looks [which are smokin'], but she at least gets to have a bit more fun with this role than she did in Transformers. She has a chance to sink her teeth into something a bit more interesting and it comes across that way, she's having fun, you can tell. I'll be interested to see how she does with more complex roles in the future. I don't think she's the terrible actress some people make her out to be. She was definitely watchable in this.

Another part of the film i liked was the direction. It was nicely shot and edited, slick and stylish. The horror wasn't too over the top, but there's enough of it there to give casual viewers their blood fix. Hard core horror fans may be disappointed by the lack of gore, but the film never sold it self as a straight up horror flick anyway, so whatever expectations you have as a horror fan, maybe don't bother trying to meet them with this movie.

It's not as rewarding as Juno [which Diablo also wrote], but it's certainly entertaining enough for at least one screening. It's an easy watch, it doesn't ask too much of the viewer and it just gets on with it. It could have been a little darker, a bit gorier, a but more fleshed out story and character wise, but it's a decent enough package as it stands. I liked it.

PS: There's some people who said Ginger Snaps did this story better, i agree with that.

PPS: For the boys out there, NO you don't see Megan's tits in this.