Splash!
Today marks the 20th anniversary of what SOME people consider to be Disney's greatest movie. Whether you agree or not, there's no denying it's an animated classic which many of us grew up watching.
From what i've read, in the 80's, Disney had hit a bit of a slump when it came to animated movies. They become very "old skool" and people weren't flocking to see Disney animated features as much as they used to in previous decades. 'The Little Mermaid' changed all of that!!!!!......Disney gave itself a make over and "caught up with the times" and TLM became a huge hit, it was modern, appealed to kids and adults and had more contemporary music numbers!. It was the rebirth of Disney in 1989 and by the time 1992 came along with Beauty and the Beast, Disney was on an unstoppable roll with Aladdin, Pocahontas, The Lion King and more that followed!!!!

It holds a lot of memories for me, i think it was one of the first movies i ever saw?, i can remember it as far as my memory takes me! I'll also never forget the day when my friend pointed out that the Priest during the Eric/Ursula wedding ceremony has a boner! haha.......well, it looked like he did, it was actually his knee.

They just released Pinocchio on Blu Ray a few months ago, Beauty and the Beast is next in line for the HD treatment. Let's hope TLM gets a HD release soon as well!

FLAP ON ARIEL!

New Moon, new hope?The official poster for the second film in the Twilight Saga has leaked online! [click the pic to see the full image].......i like it, it captures the SOAP OPERA storyline of the second story and the BLOSSOMING threeway romance between the main characters nicely. Will the next film in the series FIX the errors of the first film though? let's take a look shall we.....

It's no news that i'm a BIG Twilight fan, the books are kick ass and i fucking LOVED reading them. The Twilight movie however for me was a BIG disappointment! there was so much wrong with it that i don't even know where to begin [again]. Don't get me wrong, these aren't the complaints of a loon fan who couldn't ever be satisfied, in fact, a lot of what was great about the book WAS in the film. It followed the book closely and the characters were as they should be [most of the time]. My main problem lay with a few cast choices and some of the script. There was NO WAY they were going to capture the deep love of Edward and Bella in the movie, i knew that from day 1. On paper, it's a beautiful read, but on screen it falls fairly flat and it comes across much more wishy washy than it actually is. I was willing to let that slide if the rest of the movie delivered.....but as i said, it didn't, so what are the pro's and con's of the NEXT film?

The Cast: We have some really great new additions to the New Moon cast with Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning coming on board as vampires. Also, werewolf Jacob [forgot the name of the actor who plays him] gets his time in the spotlight as well. He was the best actor in the first movie, his role was small, but he looked right for the part and that little brief moment he had with Bella on the beach and Bella and Edward at the end of the film was a good teaser of what he could bring to the dynamic of the relationship in later films. He's perfectly cast.
As for the remaining cast, Katherine Stewart [Bella] will forever SHIT me as Bella, her line delivery in the first movie was ATROCIOUS and i doubt she'll get much better in this one, especially with her character in the book becoming even more of a whiner. Rob Pattinson [Edward] is BEAUTIFUL, but was a little STIFF in the first film. In the scenes where he was more relaxed [Bella and Edward in his bedroom, and when they first kiss] he was great, but when it came to him speaking of his love for Bella, i didn't believe a word of it. He's a capable actor so hopefully he grows into his role a little more this time around.

The Story: The first film was always going to be a tricky one to pull off, most of the story in the movie revolves around Bella and Edward falling in love, other than that.....the rest was fairly straight forward. With New Moon, we get a MUCH more fleshed out story, there's more action, more characters and a GREAT ending. New Moon was MADE to be a movie!

The Direction: Catherine [forgot her last name], Director of the first film did an ok job. She gave the movie good atmosphere and directed well enough. However she wasn't right for New Moon, and thankfully the studio have a new person, it's some guy, can't remember his name......anyway........with Full Moon taking on a bit more of a masculine vibe with the introduction of the werewolves, it was a smart choice to bring in a MAN for the job. And with book 3 building up to an all out WAR between vampires and werewolves, they've hired another new Director for that one too......another MALE one. We need some BALLS in this series!

The Budget: I didn't mind the effects in the first film, but they were working on a tight budget and some people thought it was obvious. Thankfully the budget gets a big increase this time around........and they'll NEED it with werewolves changes coming into play! Also, judging from what i can see in the new poster, they seemed to have changed the colour pallet for the movie which i'm REALLY happy with. The blues and grays of the first film were perfect, but with more of an Earthy feel to the second book, the browns and greens used in the poster will provide a nice change of atmosphere for New Moon.

I have a feeling we have a MUCH stronger chance of getting something decent this time around. Hopefully the new roles even out the SHITTY acting from a few of the older cast members. And with a new Director, we may have a cooler vision for the next chapter in the series. So far all is looking good, and as a Twilight fan, i want it to CONTINUE being good. The books deserve more than second rate slosh like the first movie..........fingers crossed ;)

Revisiting...Buffy The Vampire Slayer [1992]
Starring: Kristy Swanson, Luke Perry
Directed by: Fran Rubel Kuzui
1/5

Wow, what a mess, it's been YEARS since i've seen this, i've been meaning to check it out again for a long time. I wasn't expecting much, and Joss Whedon [creator and writer of the movie and series later on, in case you don't know] has been very open about the fact that even though he is credited as the writer of the film, his story and script was changed very dramatically to how it was originally, which probably explains why the movie turned out to be such a fucking piece of shit, lol.
Even though script changes were made, every now and again a bit of Joss leaks into the dialog, and it got a few genuine chuckles from me in a couple parts. Overall though, the dialog is atrocious, it's like a teenager wrote the script.
The cast were decent enough i guess, the only one that really stuck out like a sore thumb was Donald Sutherland. I've heard he was a real mong to work with on the film, and it comes across in the role, he looks so bored throughout the whole thing. In fact, his "death scene" was HILARIOUSLY bad lol. I'm not surprised he was so bitter making this movie, he must have noticed how utterly dire the whole thing was lol. Kristy Swanson was good in the role, sure she couldn't act, but it's not like she needed to be a good actress in this mess anyway. You could see a bit of that Buffy spark in her eyes every so often thanks to the Buffy-esque writing, but OBVIOUSLY she isn't anything when compared to Sarah Michelle Gellar who was cast as Buffy in the tv show [as most of you know] and did an EPIC job!
The movie was made on a very low budget, and you can tell lol, it's not even B grade, it's like.......Z GRADE! lol.......it's awfully cheap looking, the effects are shit and the vampires look like home made Halloween make up jobs.

There really aren't ANY redeeming qualities in this movie. It gets 1 star thanks to the minor Joss vibe it has, but really............it's fucking crap beyond words. A shame, i wanted to like it a bit more, even on a shit level.......but seriously, it's just shit in every way.

Watch the series, avoid this like the mother fucking PLAGUE!

Panties!
The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 2
America Ferrara and some other nobody bitches
1.5/5

A story about a bunch of girls who share a pair of pants that are worn through lifes good and bad lessons. The pants are a metaphor for unity, friendship, corny fuckery ect. ect.

The first one was alright, i enjoyed it in a tween girl secret poofter boy desire type way. This new one is a bit of a turd though, two movies is too much, who cares abut these dumb cunts? and their "life experiences" are SO BORING and shit. One girl sort of has a pregnancy scare [oh my god! like], one other girl dates a guy who doesn't believe in true love [seriously! like], another one finds out she's good at acting and learns about herself through it [wow, like amazing], and the other one travels to Turkey [it actually looks like the American dessert with a few Belly dancers thrown in to "Turkey" it up] and finds out that digging up Ancient corpses reminds her of her dead Mother [ omg, like, so sad]..........lame!.....and don;t even start me on how much of a shit actress America Ferrara is, and Blithe Danner [ Gwyneth Paltrows Mommy] does a pretty SHIT job too.
And seriously, those pants must fucking stink being shared between 4 girls and being stuck in the post 500 times a year. Dirty bitches.
At least there was a cute black guy in it.

Oh, look at that............my first post of 2009 :)

The BEST & WORST Of 2008!
Another year, another list! and WHAT A YEAR IT WAS..........well, depending on how you looked at it. For movies, it was kinda low key, but for MUSIC, it was MAASSSIIIVVEEE, so much going on in the music scene this year, a whole flood of new comers.....most of them being GREAT, some big #1 singles and even the odd comeback or two *cough* Britney *cough*.......

MUSIC
There was a lot to pick from this year, i could have extended this list further easily, but i've knocked it down to the top 10!.......enjoy....

The BEST!
10. Danity Kane Welcome To The Dollhouse
P.Diddy is one of my favourite producers in r&b music, so it's no surprise this album turned out to be so great. I don't care much for the girls themselves, i don't even know them all by name, but the album is hot!

9. Grace Jones Hurricane
I like a lot of her old stuff, but this new album really is a fucking BEAST of a record! So dark and heavy, i feel like i'm not meant to be listening to it, like the music holds some sort of secret!.......see, i don't even know what the fuck i'm saying, that's how cool it is. Grace OWNS.

8. Santogold Santogold
Bought her album blindly and never looked back! one of my top 3 favourite new artists of the year, think of her as a mix between M.I.A, Sean Paul and U2......or something, i don't fucking know, just go buy her shit!

7. Ladytron Velocefiro
Always been a big Ladytron fan, but this album really fucking blew me away, it's the best one they've ever done imo, so many great moments!

6. Crystal Castles Crystal Castles
Would you like to know what a bass line with a loud atari game playing in the background sounds like? then go listen to this cd. Crazy!

5. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
I think i fucking DIED and went to synthesizer HEAVEN! my God! i have not shut up about this album ALL year! one of the coolest fucking things to EVER surface, EVER!.....i am an MGMT NUT!

4. Boomkat A Million Trillion Stars
It's only been released online, so it hasn't actually officially been released yet, and i'm not sure if it ever will, so fuck it, i'm gonna include it. I loved their first album from 5 years ago! and even though the wait has bene long, it's most definitely been worth it. One of my all time favourite acts EVER. Boom on, Boomkat!

3. Britney Spears Circus
We won't know till the new era is over, but hopefully she can pull off the world tour and remaining singles from this album! Really great, fun record, more poptastic than her last one!. Ride it out Britters! you can do it!

2. P!nk Funhouse
I've always been a Pink fan, but this is the record that proved to me she is a bonafied megastar. Her last album was good, but hugely overrated, this new one however deserves all the praise it can get! Some INCREDIBLE songs on the album, and the best song she ever did, 'Sober'.

1. Lady Gaga The Fame
One of my all time favourite albums EVER! Every track is pop perfection and she has some of the most awesome fucking lyrics EVER! My new obsession is Gaga, and i can only PRAY that she keeps churning out albums, because i fucking LOVE this woman. The album is everywhere! and RIGHTFULLY so! GO GAGA!

Honorable mentions:

Janet Jackson Discipline
Nine Inch Nails Ghosts
Alanis Morissette Flavours of Entanglement
Kerli Love Is Dead
The Presets Apocalypso
Michelle Williams Unexpected
Ladyhawk Ladyhawk
Madonna Hard Candy


The WORST

Colby Colbit Coco
Straw hat, check!.......beach house lifestyle, check!......wooden floors, check!........pretentious hippy wankery, CHECK! i doubt we'll see much of this idiot bitch after this flop shit album. And i hope to God we don't.

T.I. Paper Trail
More like dog shit trail, someone put an end to this Hip Hop Flop fuckery that he's producing! And for fucks sake, stop putting Rihanna on your bloody songs! how many singles has she popped up on now? 50? fuck off!

Jessica Simpsons Country Album
See, i don't even remember the name of this piece of shit album, but does anyone?

Ashlee Simpson Bitter Sweet World
More like Stupid Bitch World, could this album be any more shit? Ashlee tries her hardest here, but i guess record executives got the idea about her career as a singer when her nose job and stupid pregnancy got more famous than she did. She was dropped from her label, hopefully on her head.

Usher Here I Stand
And here i SLEEP! talk about boring!

Top 20 Songs of 08'


20. Running Back Jessica Mauboy
Cool song, sexy and catchy!

19. American Boy Estelle featuring Kanye West
What an AWESOME pumping beat!

18. Alive Natalie Bassingwaith
The biggest surprise on my list, didn't expect her to release anything that'd top anything this year......but this song deserves to be in my top 20, i love it.

17. History Kleerup
His album was a bit samey, but this track was all sorts of awesome 80's shit!

16. My People The Presets
Like Pet Shop Boys meets The Prodigy, although i hate The Petshop Boys.

15. Alice Practice Crystal Castles
Loud noises, loud screaming, loud thumping........this all equals awesomeness! CRYSTAL CASTLES 4EVER!

14. 20/20 Alanis Morissette
The Japanese bonus track from her album, should have made the final track listing imo. Beautiful song, very Bjork-ish.

13. Of Moons, Birds and Monsters MGMT
Electric Feel is probably their BEST track, but i LOVE this so so much i just had to give it a heads up. I LOVE YOU MGMT!

12. Into The Nightlife Cyndi Lauper
Poor Cyndi, most of her album was a bit of an outdated mess, but this song was a good Gay club banger.

11. Beat Goes On Madonna
Hard Candy was good, but didn't blow my mind, this however did. One of the best rap breakdowns EVER.

10. Decode Paramore
I love me some Paramore, best song they ever did!

09. Circus Britney Spears
Not my favourite song off her new album, but the best thing she offered on a more rounded scale. EPIC versus!

08. Welcome To Heartbreak Kanye West
Most of the time Kanye is fairly average imo, but every so often he surprises me. This was one of those moments. What a great fucking song.

07. Sober P!nk
Absolutely fucking amazing song, it was a grower originally, but once it hit me, it hit me HARD. The best song of her career!

06. Single Ladies [Put A Ring On it] Beyonce
Beyonce turned the bass up and ejaculated synths ALL OVER this song. It's hot and EPIC, the best song she's ever done!

05. Magic Ladyhawk
If you want an updated version Souxsie and the Banshees, Ladyhawk is the closest thing you'll get. Great fucking song!

04. Machine Gun Portishead
Oh my God, the FIRST true orgasm of the year. It's the last MINUTE of the song that really blows me away! Best ending to a song EVER!!!!!

03. Deep Blue Ladytron
Epic build up at the end, dark and pumping, i love it.

02. Anne Santogold
Santogold and her tiger print tights kick fucking ass.

01. Poker Face Lady Gaga
Who else is capable of taking my #1 position this year? Gaga TOOK IT ALL! One of my all time most played and most loved songs EVER.

MOVIES 08'
It's been a bit of a quiet year for movies, compared to last year anyway. There only seemed to be a good few that really stood out. Thankfully, the ones that DID stand out REALLY stood out A LOT. Let's have a looksie!...

The BEST!
10. Persepolis
Has anyone else even seen this? lol........a really nice surpise of a movie, funny and touching storyline and really nice simple animation. I only wished it was a bit longer.

9. Wanted
Angelina Jolie with a gun is like..........instant brilliance. Cool movie, typical no brainer with overblown action scenes and unrealistic effects, but still......it's totally fun.

8. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Slow, but still engaging enough to keep you watching. Brad was great as usual, and looked beautiful [in the none old scenes, lol], and Cate was equally as good! Weird and sad, a nice reminder that we all die one day, no matter how we live our lives.

7. Cloverfield
It was hyped for so long, and now 9 months after it's release it's become easily forgotten, lol. Oh well, i still remember it, was great watching it in real time, some scary moments and a great ending. The hype was fun too.

6. Hey Hey! It's Esther Blueburger
Really sweet and funny story, great acting from the lead too......no idea what her name was, lol...but she was great!

5. Teeth
It hit award festivals in 2007, but didn't get a proper world wide DVD release till this year, so i'm gonna include it. Great movie, one i enjoyed more on repeat viewings. Weird, funny and kinda sexy! HIDE YOUR DICKS BOYS!

4. Sex & The City
Oh the joy!!!!! the most entertaining cinema experience of the year. Surrounded by fans, seeing the girls on screen again after 4 years, it was such a great trip! and a really fun movie!

3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Hands down, the funniest movie of the year! not surprising since it is a Judd Apatow movie! the guy is a GENIUS!

2. Atonement
I didn't understand what all the hype was about, but after a couple of watches, i got it. Beautifully filmed and really well acted. Kiera Knightly may have an annoying cunt of a face, but she's a good actress! The story was so moving, and you don't feel the entire impact of it till you get to the bitter end. Made me cry :(

1. The Dark Knight
I have ranted and raved about his movie ALL year long, so there's nothing much more to say about it.......most of you would have seen it by now too, i haven't met anyone who hasn't. It really is a fucking great piece of cinema and a GREAT role for Heath to be remembered by. R.I.P.



The WORST

P.S. I Love You
Even Gerard Butler parading around shirtless in this couldn;t save this MESS movie from sucking! Note to Directors, DO NOT hire Hillary Swank in comedies, she is NOT......FUNNY!

Twilight
Bad make up, bad script, bad shitty ending, bad, bad, bad! I'm a massive fan of the books, so this was very painful to list here, the movie does have some MINOR good bits, but overall it's a God damn fucking mess!

Milk
Ok, ok........i know, "wtf are you thinking", i get it, it's a well liked movie and has been getting massive rave reviews, and it isn't bad........but it's fucking boring as fucking fuck! honestly, i wanted to kill myself it was so boring. There, i said it!

MUSIC VIDEOS
There's been a few great ones this year, Lady Gaga 'Poker Face', Britney 'Circus', MGMT 'Electric Feel', and there's been a few stinkers too, Kylie 'WOW', T.I. 'Whatever You Like'.......so what are the BEST and WORST?.........

The BEST
No idea who Directed it, but it's one of the coolest fucking things i've ever seen! and WHO is that girl? talk about JUICY! AMAZING! Kanye West Flashing Lights, enjoy!




The WORST
How much was the budget for this thing? and who the fuck did the choreography? cheap and shit! Danity Kane Damaged, TRY to enjoy...

PEOPLE 08'
Person Of The Year!
It's been a big year for Lady Gaga, but one thing she may never realize, is that she changed my LIFE FOREVER!!!!!!!!! Isn't it amazing when you connect SO much with an artist on a personal level!!!!! i haven't had that happen to me this strongly in YEARS! The funny thing is, it took me a short while to get into her, but ONLY a short while! Once i was in, i was HOOKED!
As much as i LOVE her music, it was more about what she brought to the table personality and creative wise that really won me over! The girl KNOWS her shit and worked so fucking hard to get to where she is now, so much determination, passion and excitement for what she does, it rubbed off on me so easily and you can see it so much in her work!
I had the opportunity to see her live too, and she was a fantastic performer!!!! the girl pretty much has it all i'd say, full control, great songs, sex appeal, great image and a killer personality! She's taking over the world one country at a time! and by this time next year, we will be living in a GAGA WORLD! I couldn't think of a better place to live in!

Douche Bag Of The Year
Poor Jessica Simpson, i really DON'T hate her i swear, but she has got to be the single most uninteresting person on Earth! I mean, who honestly listens to her music? she's such a shit fucking pop star, and now she's gone all Shania on everybody with her shitty country album.............which nobody bought mind you. And have you seen her live? she gets lyrics to songs wrong all the time!? i mean seriously, wtf? she dates men who verbally abuse her, has big hair and has movies that go straight to DVD. SHE'S JUST SO SHIT.
And don't think her sister gets off easily either, wtf is this shit? her last album was a bloody boring mess of a thing, and all she;s famous for now is her fucking nose. I like her betetr than Jessicunt, but this whole try hard attempt at super cool with her last record just really irked me, she needs to wake the fuck up, no one cares, like hello!

Until Next Year Folkz, XX

Whylight?
Twilight
Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart
2/5

A teenage girl moves to a small town to live with her Father, while there she meets The Cullens family and falls madly in love with the youngest of the family, Edward. They get goo goo over each other and start sucking face, then Bella finds out Edward has a secret.....one that will put him AND her in grave danger, ooooooh . What could it be? [i'm sure you all know lol].

Great book, shit movie. I'm surprised it's being enjoyed by so many, i found it to be poorly acted, scripted and horribly miscast in places. Kristen Stewart as Bella was fucking AWFUL, what a BAD actress. Rob Pattinson was decent in the role and looked good, the casting of Jasper was hilarious and the added new scene at the end of the film with Victoria the vampire was completely left field and crap. And don't even start me on the cheap effects.
Amidst all of this, there are some nice moments, Bella and Edward at dinner, the baseball scene, though it's ruined by some crap vampire snarling moments.
I wanted to like it because i'm a big fan of the book series, but this movie had too many things wrong with it to enjoy it on a serious level. I found myself laughing more than cheering. Disappointing.

Going Gaga!

Lady Gaga
The Fame
4/5

Remember her name, because you are going to start seeing a hell of a lot of this woman over the next year.......and why?.......well, because she kicks all sorts of serious ass, THAT'S WHY!!!!. It's been an interesting ride to fame for Gaga, but she's finally here, and as she said herself "i'm here to take over the world one sequin at a time", and i think it's safe to say, that she may do JUST that!
Drawing inspiration from legends like Prince, Madonna and her idol David Bowie, it's no surprise that Gaga's debut is a synth filled, 80's throwback...............but this ain't no Gwen Stefani/80's hybrid, no, no, no.........Gaga is a little more....err...."eclectic" sounding than that.

Anyway, the album kicks off with her MASSIVE first single 'Just Dance', and then continues on for the AMAZING first half of the album [which most likely makes up the bulk of the remaining singles]...........'Love Game' is an electro heavy track with a really dirty sounding base line, 'Paparazzi' is a popgasm, 'Beautiful Dirty Rich' has a real 'No Doubt' type sound to it, as does 'Summerboy' which is near the end of the album. There's the synth summery sounding 'Eh, Eh' and 'Boys, Boys, Boys', and the more darker and sexier synth tracks 'Poker Face' [My fav off the album] and 'I Like It Rough'. She gets a little 'Peaches' sounding on 'Money Honey' and has a great ballad called 'Brown Eyes', which sounds like a throw back to an old skool 'Queen' track. The only time she kinda stumbles is on a track called 'Again, Again', which isn't necessarily a "bad" song, but it just sounds like boring filler, plus it has a bit of an annoying chorus. This track is going to be replaced with another song on the U.S edition of the album called 'Vanity', which sounds like another 70's piano ballad.

Overall, it's a VERY strong debut, and not only is the music great, but Gaga is QUIT the performer, blasting her way through her promo tour with a Bowie inspired lazer light stage show that even features a light up disco stick! She is GREAT live! she describes herself as 'Theatrical Pop', and her show is EXACTLY that.

Album of the year! Prepare for the GAGA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!!

Track ratings
1. Just Dance 4/5
2. Lovegame 5/5
3. Paparazzi 5/5
4. Beautiful Dirty Rich 5/5
5. Poker Face 5/5
6. Eh Eh 3/5
7. Money Honey 4/5
8. Again Again 3/5
9. Boys Boys Boys 4/5
10. Brown Eyes 4/5
11. I Like It Rough 4/5
12. Summerboy 3/5
13. Starstruck 4/5
14. Paper Gangsta 4/5
15. Disco Heaven 4/5

Gaga Goes Live!
Lady Gaga stopped over in Australia for her world wide promo tour which she's on atm for her debut album THE FAME. Obviously, being as obsessed as i am, i went and saw her live and was blown away by the whole thing!!!!!! It was held at Oxford Art Factory in Sydney and the crowd WENT OFF as soon as the speakers started pumping out the first track 'Lovegame'! following that was 'Paparazzi', 'Beautiful Dirty Rich', 'Poker Face' and her #1 single 'Just Dance', which the crowd happily went bonkers for. She was decked out in her home made silk hoodie, pvc catsuit and jumped around twirling her disco disc and singing the shit out of everything! she even dove in for a bit of front row crowd surfing! I expect big things for this bitch! she rocked my fucking world! Video and pics delight!!!!! [curtousy of frozen supestar and Pez]...

Click pics to see bigger version

Bittersweet Failure!
Ashlee Simpson
Bittersweet World
1/5

Yes, "bitter" is a GOOD word to use in the title of this AWFUL new album from Ashlee Simpson. Now don't get me wrong, i'm no Ashlee hater, i actually like a few of her old songs, but really.......let's face it, her old "i'm a bad ass sk8r grl" image was a big fake mess [even though she wore a t-shirt that said "punk" in her Pieces of Me video, who are you trying to fool, bitch], and she most definitely was no ALBUM artist [a few catchy singles here and there......but that's it].....................her main exploits have been more "media" based......first there was the SNL lip synced, on air, confused, dancing jig mess that happened to her [kinda ironic considering she bad mouthed singers who lip synced, hypocrit much?] and then there's the infamous NOSE JOB!................yes, Ashlee and her nose, probably the only GOOD thing she has done in the subsequent years since her last shitty album.

But whatever, this isn't about her nose, this is about her new album, and it won't be hard summing up what you'd expect from it.......................firstly, there's only ONE shining moment of brilliance, and it's with the lead single Outta My Head, other than that though, there is fuck all left on offer for us. The DULL second single Boys [which i don't think is even getting any air play] is shit, the other "fan" favourite off the album is Rule Breaker.......which is Ashlee's attempt at innovation i guess, or something............and err...........well......i'm kinda trying to remember the other songs but i really can't.............nothing left a good impression, not even a shitty lasting one.....it all just went by and i forgot all about it. All i can say is, the whole album is an attempt at being "cool" and Ashlee just falls flat on her face with it...........which is a bad thing, because we don't want her damaging that nose of hers do we?

See, i said "nose" again, when you have nothing else to praise her for, it's kind all you got...........great nose Ashlee, seriously, looks awesome.................but your album? that could do with some surgery too.

Worst album of 08' so far.........and don't even get me started on that SHIT AWFUL album cover. Jesus.

FLOP.

Tracklist rating unavailable, because i don't want to waste my fucking time.

Milla Jovovich
The Divine Comedy
4/5

Oh yes! you aren't reading this wrong! that is in fact THE Milla Jovovich......the model!......the actress!........MAKING AN ALBUM!...........BUT!........don't freak out too much, this isn't actually a new album, in fact, it's quite old...........it was released way back in 1994 [fuck! nearly 15 years ago], it's just that i FINALLY got around to hearing it all in full.
Now.....this may have been Milla's only OFFICIAL album ever released under her name, but her official website has had a long list of her demos and songs for many years now, so i've ALWAYS enjoyed and downloaded her music. I had a handful of her tracks for sometime now, but just recently i decided to go back and get those missing tracks that i didn't get last time [the downloads are free btw].........and since then i've been on one MASSIVE Milla music kick!

Her music can take 3 different forms............she has her light electronic stuff, her more rockish tracks and her more FOLK sounding songs [which this album is FULL of]. She goes between genres fairly easily and her voice can go from hauntingly mellow to very raw and loud.
In The Divine Comedy [which she recorded at the RIPE age of 16 may i add] she merges a nice batch of influences..............it's kinda like a cross between Kate Bush, with a bit of Tori Amos mixed in.........and just a little bit of Jewel as well. It has a very magical feel to it, songs like Charlie, The Gentleman Who Fell, The Alien Song and You Did It All Before could have EASILY been taken off an old Kate Bush record..........we even get a bit of EUROPEAN CULTURE thrown in with the BEAUTIFUL song In A Glade which is sung in her native tongue....err...which i think is.........well, she's from the Ukraine, so........Ukrainian? lol!!!!!

As for the REST of her music NOT on this album, some of it can sound pretty experimental [Beat On Ice] and some can be very indie rock sounding [Left & Right]..........when she isn't channeling Bush or Amos, she's going mental with some David Bowie and Bjork influences!..........she's even worked with The Crystal Method on their Planet Of Boom album, and even sang some YIDDISH songs on the soundtrack for the movie Dummy!.............she's THAT versatile!!!!!!

Anyway, i just had to write SOMETHING about her music, i'm completely drowning in it at the moment and i just feel like spreading her stuff to EVERYONE i know, i feel like putting it all on a cd and selling it on the STREET!!!!!!..................The Divine Comedy has garnered quite the indie following over the years, but it's blaspheme that her other work isn't getting a proper commercial release!................she really is a visionary when it comes to her music! this bitch ain't JUST a pretty face...............in fact, i think she may positioned herself as one of my all time favourites musicians EVER!..................she's THAT good!..................not bad for someone who only releases music as a hobby.

So.............here's me doing my part in case a curious ear happens to read this:

Go to MillaJ.com and look through her music page and give her stuff a go, if it sounds like you'd be into her type of sound, then i urge you to give it a listen.

As for The Divine Comedy, since it's commercially available, you won't find the tracks on her official site, BUT, you can find it at Amazon.com

My god, i LOVE this woman.

The BEST & WORST Of 2007 - Part 1

Yay! My favourite time of the year, all my orgasms from my most loved things and all my piles of vomit from all my most hated things are collected and THROWN upon you all………take cover!

Music Of 2007
2007 was the YEAR of discovering/expanding OLD music for me [Rasputina, Tori Amos, Felix Da Housecat]……..as for all the NEW stuff this year, well…….the first half of 07’ was pretty dead music wise, got a few good releases here and there….but it wasn’t till the second half that all the albums kinda came FLOODING in, yay!..........so here they are…….my good and…err…not so good musical selections of the year:

The Best Albums...

15. Daft Punk Alive 2007
This TECHNICALLY should be in the #4 spot, but because it's a Live compilation of old songs, i decided to leave room for NEW music on the rest of my list.......anyway, it really is a ear popping listen, pretty much a non stop mash up of all their hits, remixed PERFECTLY. Daft FUNK!
Standout tracks: Err.....it's one big mash, so the WHOLE thing, uh!


14. Siobhan Donaghy Ghosts
A much stronger effort than her last album, she brings a bit of a Kate Bush vibe to some of the stuff on here. This album also gave me one of my new all time favourite songs EVER, Medevac.
Standout tracks: Medevac, Ghosts, 12 Bar Acid Blues.


13. Keiysha Cole Just Like You
VERY r&b and very "ghetto"...........i can't help but feel like patting my weave when i listen to this, still..........there is some really great stuff on here and she has a great voice.
Standout tracks: Didn't I Tell You, Heaven Sent, Give Me More.


12. The Veronicas Hook Me Up
The twins RETURN!!!!!.........and this time they ditched the pop/rock and went for a more pop/electro sound...........and surprisingly they pulled it off! I guess these girls wound up being a little more versatile than i thought. A nice change for them i think.
Standout tracks: This Is How It Feels, Everything, I Can't Stay Away.


11. The White Stripes Icky Thump
I was a little disappointed with the last effort from The Stripes [Get Behind Me Satan], it had that missing spark that made their ‘Elephant’ album so WONDERFUL.. Luckily with ‘Icky Thump’ they returned to a more accessible style of songs. With “rock” bands like Nickleback and ‘Hinder’ POISIONING airwaves, it’s good to see The Stripes really giving us a rock album that actually DESERVES it’s success.
Standout tracks: Bone Broke, Little Cream Soda, Prickly Thorn.


10. Nine Inch Nails Year Zero
When I heard ‘With Teeth’ on first listen, I didn’t really like it………so it was good sitting through Year Zero and actually loving a lot of the songs I was hearing when I first spun it. I don’t love the ENTIRE album, it does have it’s weak points, but there was enough on here that kept me
listening over and over. Plus, I must thanks Trent Reznor [Lord of the Universe] for ’Me, I’m Not’………..it’s the SEX!....oh and Vessel, that’s sex too, aheh.
Standout tracks: The Beginning Is The End, Vessel, Me I’m Not.


9. Timbaland Shock Value
After producing for every single fucking group on the planet, Timbaland FINALLY released his own album of songs. My expectations were high, and as usual with Timbo, he really delivered with the goods. So many great songs on here, ranging from r&b to pop and even a bit of rock. This has been on VERY heavy rotation since I got it. GREAT album. Now [plays ‘Time’]……I’m gonna get naked.
Standout tracks: Apologize, Time, Way I Are.


8. Kylie X
Not the BLAZING come back I expected, but this was still a really great effort from Ms. Minogue. The Queen of Plastic Face gives us a lovely BURST of electro pop with some nice catchy b-sides thrown in on the side. Her best album? Maybe…….she certainly OUT GAYED herself with this one.
Standout tracks: Speakerphone, Like A Drug, White Diamond.


7. Jennifer Lopez Brave
Yes, that's right, the biggest FLOP of the year was one of my MOST SPUN albums. It's a shame people didn't like this, because the album worked it's magic on me......i couldn't get enough of it. It's her second best album [her first being the masterwork 'J.Lo'], and i loved it so much i just HAD to shove it into my top 10 ..........i guess the fact that this was so hated is kinda cool to me, makes it more special because it feels more like it's MINE. Love you Jenny! well done.
Standout tracks: Forever, Be Mine, Frozen Moments.


6. The Donnas Bitchin’
This album came out of NOWHERE, for so long I’ve been waiting for The Donnas to BLOW my eardrums, and after getting inspired by 80’s rock bands, the girls finally managed to to do it! Heavy, loud and OH SO FUN!
Standout tracks: Don’t Wait Up For Me, Like An Animal, When The Show Is Over.


5. Kelly Clarkson My December
Something happened to Kelly in 2007, she kinda……went nuts and did a huge 360 on her new album! What I expected to be a Breakaway part 2, wound up being a very indie sounding, very sad and very personal collection of songs. The first time I heard it, I didn’t realize what was going on, but over time, the album slowly grew on me……….and eventually it blew my mind!!!!! Definitely her best album.
Standout tracks: Sober, Dirty Little Secret, Irvine.


4. Roisin Murphy Overpowered
Finally, Roisin pulled her finger out and WOKE UP, instead of giving us boring fluffy electro like on her last album, she went into the studio naked and rubbed pumping electro beats all over her body. This shit is DAMN GOOD!........whoever thought such a funny hat lady could make such dark and witheringly sexy beats. Oh!
Standout tracks: Primitive, Body Language, Pandora.


3. Britney Spears Blackout
Throughout all the mess of her life in the last 4 years, Britney still managed to put in enough studio time to give us the best album of her career. There’s so much to love on this, so many amazingly produced songs……….and even though Britney had little to do with the record, it’s still blew me away. Britney……well….Jive put a whole bunch of awesome pop songs together and wraped it up with a BIG bow! I believe her career is over, but at least she went out with a BANG!
Standout tracks: Piece of Me, Break The Ice, Gimme More.


2. Alicia Keys As I Am
Sigh, can she do no wrong?.........it’s a slow burning album, but once it grabs you, it’s SO addictive. She managed to top her last album with this……..it’s a very romantic mellow record, lot’s of nice smooth ballads. Now, let’s all sit together and drink CHAMPAIGN [clink].
Standout tracks: Go Ahead, Where Do We Go From Here, I Need You.


1. M.I.A. Kala
It’s like M.I.A was a kept in a cage……..and then finally, someone unleashed her upon the world!!!!!!! This album absolutely blew my fucking brains out, no one brought it as hard as she did this year!!!! Not only did she completely DESTROY her last album with this one, but she delivered one of my all time favourite albums EVER!!!!! She creates the beats, puts them in a fucking grinder and then THROWS them at you………..she’s a musical GENIUS! And she has completely outdone herself with this album. If it was anymore brilliant, I may have to throw myself off a cliff!!!!! In the words of the QUEEN herself………”Powah powah!”……….oh yes, Powah INDEED!
Standout tracks: Hussle, Paper Plain, Jimmy.


Special Mentions to: Marilyn Manson - Eat Me Drink Me.........Darren Hayes - This Delicate Thing We Made.............Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad..................Dannii - Unleashed.

The WORST Albums...

Avril Lavigne The Best Damn Thing
Ok, so Avril the PERSON is a douche bag, but Avril the musician is rather good. She has written some great songs on her first two albums, but with this third album, she shows she’s REALLY run out of things to sing about. The album sports only ONE good song [Runaway] and one other semi decent track [Keep Holding On]………the rest, absolute SHIT. The whole thing just drones on, it’s like a filler album. And has catchy as ‘Girlfriend’ was, it is a rather idiotic song………….just HOW long can she play the whole crazy coloured faux punk girl thing, it’s all getting a bit old isn’t it. Avril Lavigne - The Worst Damn Thing.


Linkin Park Minutes To Midnight
Another act I liked who seem to have run out of ideas. Poor Linkin Park, two solid albums and now a third DUD!.....not much else to say really, lots of songs lacking any sort of memorable melody, maybe two decent tracks……the rest, rather lifeless. The first single was good, but the rest………….crap. Not surprising we didn’t get any other hit singles off this one. Linkin Park - Minutes To Mediorce.


Muteya Buena Real Girl
I kinda had high hopes for this, she was always the more interesting Sugababe……so I was curious to see what she could offer as a solo act…….and it looks like not much. A lifeless boring attempt, lots of samey bullshit, some so-so tracks, but overall, just a collection of half interesting slow to mid tempo songs that don’t really take you anywhere interesting. That Amy Winehouse duet is utter SHIT as well. Muteya Buena - Real Shit.


Kelly Rowland Ms. Kelly
Jesus fucking Christ, Ms. Shitty more like it, what the fuck went wrong here?.......it’s like the worst rnb producers made this. So incredibly generic, so incredibly dull, it sounds like it was put together using songs that Christina Milian rejected. Her first album offered something pretty good actually, it was like a small taste of what was to come….or so it seemed. This album was destined to be DEAD on arrival. Kelly Rowland - Ms. Floppy.


Sugababes Change
The Sugababes have made my ears give BIRTH for a good 7 years now, always original, always catchy as hell and always MY type of pop. But this time, all they seemed to want to give me is a good long sleep, because that’s what this album does, puts me to sleep. It’s a ballad filled lifeless mess of a record, not necessarily BAD, just boring. Nothing grabs you, even the video clips were shit!........still, the girls seem to still have their own style going on which is good, and of course I still love and respect them, but I’m certainly giving THIS babes era a miss. Hopefully they pick it up again with their next album. Sugababes - Change My Diaper.


Rogue Traders Better In The Dark
Um…………….some advice, please learn to use a different type of sound!!!!!!! I can’t even remember a lot of this, I just remember everything kinda bleeding into everything…….the first single was probably a good indication of what was to come, because that single was SHIT. Sigh, they ARE a talented bunch though, a good live act, and I hope they do well. But this album, Better In The Dark?........i guess it REALLY isn’t, let’s hope their next album is made with the lights on. Rogue Traders - Not Better Off In The Dark.


Delta Goodrem Delta
If she wasn't so busy dressing up like a fairy and talking to Unicorns.....she may have actually released an album that had some fucking life in it. She showed promise with her first album and then took her second album in a much more mature and darker place...........it was with THAT second album that she finally stripped away SOME of her "pretty pretty" nonsense and gave us something.......a little more interesting. Sadly, for her new album, she has gone back to singing flower friendly ballads that have ANY sort of life to them, it's just a whole string of dead songs sung by an over airbrushed, sweet as sugar bore of a singer. The ONLY good thing this album delivered was the song 'Bare Hands'.........and she is.....growing i guess, as a performer and stuff..........but really, to me...........it's all so safe and boring. Delta Goodrem - Dullta.