ANOMALY //>

My Favourite Films Of ALL TIME! #10
Labyrinth [1986]
Directed by: Jim Henson
Starring: David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly

"You have no power over me."

It's a rare thing when a childhood movie stays with you for your whole life. Labyrinth is one of those movies. There are many films from my childhood i still adore, but there are only a few that truly have a certain SOMETHING else about them. Something so unique and special, that they stay in your heart forever. Corny right? i know.....but fuck it, when it's magic, it's magic, and Labyrinth is fucking MAGIC.

Here's the story....

Young, innocent, bushy 80's eye brow teenager, Sarah [Jennifer Connelly] is left to babysit her annoying baby step brother, Toby. During a huge baby cry fest, Sarah tries to silence Toby by reciting a riddle to him. It's a riddle from one of Sarah's favourite fantasy books, which she doesn't realize holds REAL power. To Sarah's shock, not only does the riddle make Toby shut up, but it also makes him disappear all together!
Sarah soon finds out that the evil, but charismatic Goblin King, Jareth [played by Bowie] has kidnapped Toby and is holding him captive in the Goblin City in another dimension. Unfortunately for Sarah, the Goblin City lies on the other side of a giant magical labyrinth. The Goblin King sets her a task, solve the labyrinth in 13 hours, and Toby is hers again. Fail, and Toby belongs to the Goblin King forever!. Unknown to Sarah, the Goblin King is going to purposely try and make her fail so he can use his seductive ways to charm her into staying with him as his Queen in his Goblin Realm. Basically, the labyrinth is gonna be a BITCH to solve. And if she can try and not listen to her craving pussy when it comes to Jareth, she may make it out with her step brother as planned.

I dunno about you, but that's some serious fucking awesome story telling right there! I mean, LOOK at that movie poster! fucken A!

Labyrinth is the type of kids movie that will be watched for years to come. Nearly 25 years on, and the people who grew up with this movie are now showing it to their kids. On DVD it's a big seller, and it gets a new release every few years. It's even JUST hit Blu ray!.
It's a classic movie that doesn't wear thin no matter how old it gets. I suppose that's due to Jim Henson, the worlds most famous puppeteer, who produced and Directed the movie. If you don't know Jim Henson, that's kinda fucked up. He isn't a big player anymore since he passed away, but 25 years ago Jim Henson was as big as Disney. He's most famous for The Muppets series, you know, Kermit, Miss Piggy ect...............EVERYONE knows those characters, so if you don't know Jim, then you would know some of his creations.
As well as the awesome puppet work in the movie, there's a GREAT soundtrack thanks to the genius David Bowie, who sings a few songs in the movie. The film is a musical, but the numbers are so good, it doesn't distract from the rest of the movie. There aren't THAT many songs either, so if musicals aren't your thing, don't worry, there's plenty of dialog. I can't help but clap furiously when Bowie breaks out to DANCE MAGIC!, or feel nostalgic when i hear the opening number 'Underground', or the beautiful 'As The World Falls Down'. That song features in my favourite scene from the movie. It's a beautiful ballroom scene which takes place inside a crystal ball nightmare where Sarah is seduced by the mysterious Bowie. The costume Sarah wears is LEGENDARY! If i ever go to a costume party and see a chic in that, i'll know EXACTLY who she's dressed as. Sigh.

An interesting thing about this film is that there's a mildly sexual aspect to Sarah and Jared's relationship. Underneath the pretty puppets and catchy songs is a story about a young girls growing sexuality. It was obvious to me even as a kid. Jareth has an odd fascination with Sarah, he actually really wants her illegal pussy. And she's no sweetie pie either, she becomes completely over taken by his desire for her. They flirt like crazy, it's actually kinda hot! haha. After seeing Bowie's character in the movie, you may think "hot?"..........but trust me, there's chemistry between the characters and Bowie's portrayal is unexpectedly provocative. Bowie is great in this actually, he's a good actor.

One other thing that may stand out to you in this movie, is something a little unexpected. It's Bowie's BULGE!...............yes, that soft little bump all men have in their crotch region! "Why?" do you ask?...........let's just say, wearing TIGHTS when you're "well endowed" only accentuates what lies between the viewer and a thin piece of cloth covering their DICK! ha. Even as a kid his bulge stood out to me like crazy. Ask anyone who's seen the movie, they'll laugh and echo my exact words.

As usual with most of the childrens films i like, this isn't JUST a movie kids can enjoy, all you older bitches can love it too. Sure there's the amazing nostalgia attached to it from my end [and many other people], but seriously, you can enjoy this movie no matter what your age is. All you need is a big imagination and being open to 80's fantasy AWESOMENESS.

I've never met anyone who hates this film, so if you ever watch it and dislike it..............GO TO FUCKING HELL AND DIE YOU HEARTLESS LOST CHILDHOOD CUNT!.

Bless you xx.