My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #11The Exorcist [1973]
Directed by: William Friedkin
Starring: Linda Blair, Ellen Burstyn, Max Von Sydow

" Is there someone inside you? "

Oooooooh, cover your eyes bitches, it's The Exorcist!!!!! The greatest horror film ever made!!!!! THERE, I FUCKING SAID IT!!!!! It scared the panties off me as a kid and it still CHILLS me to my bone now days. It's one of those movies you grew up knowing about. You wait and wait until you get to an age where you can FINALLY feel brave enough to see it, and when you do, BAM!!!! it's CREEP central! for most people anyway.

This was one of those movies i used to rent when i was a teen and i'd get creeped out even HOLDING the movie in my hands at the video store. As usual with horror VHS rental tapes, it was old, looked like it had been in 600 peoples houses and stank of plastic. That just added to the creep factor though. Speaking of creep factor, anyone notice how the horror section in video stores always seemed eerily quiet. It's a genre that's an acquired taste, so it was never booming with customers. It always seemed like such a "forbidden" section to be in. I loved that.

The Exorcist follows the story of a young girl named Regan [played perfectly by Linda Blair], who finds a Oujie board in her new house and starts playing with it. She tells her mother [Ellen Burstyn] that she talks to a spirit by using the board named Captain Howdy. Her Mother assumes Regan is just messing about as troublesome teenagers do, and she laughs it off. Soon though, Regan starts acting a little "strange"..........and by strange, what i really mean is, completely and utterly FUCKED UP! Her bed shakes uncontrollably, she starts speaking in tongues, she stabs her pussy with a crucifix and she even pisses on the floor like a cow.

OBVIOUSLY these aren't exactly NORMAL things people do, so Regan's Mother sends her to a few doctors to run some tests. After a whole bunch of hideous testing, the doctors come to realize that they can't actually diagnose her with anything........so they recommend more of an, unorthodox form of treatment for the girl. To her Mother's surprise, she is told to visit a church to get the help of an Exorcist. It's at this church that Regan's Mother meets Father Merrin, a young Priest, who's never performed an exorcism in his life, but who decides to offer his help to a very desperate and emotional Mother trying to save her haunted daughter.
Once Merrin enters the house, the shit well and truly hits the fan! Regan is walking backwards on her hands and feet down stairs, making her head spin 360 degrees, swearing and vomiting her way through all hours of the day and night. Merrin and Regan's Mother realize they're in way over their heads, so they seek the help of a skilled Exorcist named Father Karras, who coincidentally came head to head with the demon inside Regan many years ago.
What happens next is a whole lot of crazy demonic possession, and 3 people fighting to save the life of a girl who may not live much longer if the demon inside her kills her.

Most people who are reading this have most likely already seen this movie. Some of you however may not have, and it all may seem a little.......over the top. Obviously, it is. The makers of this film didn't hold back at all when it came to what they showed on screen. When they say "a girl gets possessed", they really fucking mean POSSESSED!
Even though the movie is over the top with abusive language "stick your cock up her ass you mother fucking worthless COCKSUCKER!", there is still a lot of strong atmosphere in the film that really takes you in and makes you suspend belief and just accept what it is that your seeing. Don't get me wrong, if you've had a few drinks, you may find yourself giggling at a few of the lines Regan throws at you. But there's not denying how creepy and unsettling some of the scenes can be, and it's the more quieter moments in the film that really showcase that.

The acting in this movie is SUPERB! Ellen Burstyn is perfect as Regan's Mother, and Linda Blair is REALLY good in her role as Regan. She was so young when this movie was made, i can't believe some of the stuff they asked her to do in this. How does a young kid play something SO dark? incredible. That's one thing about these 2 characters in this film, they have a very close Mother/Daughter relationship, so when things go bad, you really feel for Regan's Mom.

The version of the film i'm talking about is the one dubbed "The Version You've Never Seen". This was released in cinemas in 2001, and featured a few added scenes as well as some tweaked existing scenes. Some fans of the original film feel that some of the new additions [mainly involving a demonic face that pops up every so often] were unnecessary......personally, i liked every new addition they added to the re-release, i wish they added even MORE to be honest. I could watch this movie for 3 hours!

If you've never seen this before, go rent it, put it in your DVD player, turn off ALL the lights, turn the volume up full blast and cuddle yourself in your seat.
When this movie first opened in 1973, it had people fainting in horror in the cinema isles. Although it may not have the exact same impact today, there's no denying that the movie for most people, is one of the creepiest films ever made. It's very evil.

The Box [2009]
Starring: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden
Directed by: Richard Kelly
3/5

James and Cameron play a married couple who get given a unique box by a stranger who tells them if they press the button on the box, they'll get a million dollars. The catch is, in order to get the money, a person they don't know, anywhere in the world, will die. Can they live with that on their conscience?

Erm, well..........um.....not really sure......how to describe the movie since i got a headache trying to wrap my brain around every part of what the hell this thing was all about.
It's a slow burning movie, so if you're looking for something fast paced and exciting, you'll probably be really bored. It has a similar tone to the The Invasion and those old skool mystery sci fi flicks. In fact, it was a lot more sci fi than i expected.
There's a nice slow build up and mystery around everything that's happening for most of the films running time. In fact, you pretty much have NO IDEA what ANYTHING means until you get to the final 15 minutes. And even then it still didn't make as much sense as i would have liked. They throw it all onto you in one long go, so it gets a bit messy and a lot of random things happen that don't get any explanation at all. You just have to accept it as "weird stuff" because of the storyline.

It's cast well, the story itself is interesting, and the reveal itself is something i wouldn't have guessed either. It did kind of leave me feeling a bit "oh....ok", at the end. I felt as if the ending should have shocked me in some way, or given me more to chew on, but it just felt like an over long reveal that told me what i needed to know, but in slightly anti climatic way. The story never really lifts off the ground as much as i wanted it to.

Overall, it was enjoyable, but not for everyone. It also didn't need to be as long as it was. It's not the type of movie you could watch over and over, and it's not really something you need to run to the cinemas to see. Dvd would be enough for this thing.

It's memorable because it's SO fucking WEIRD. But in other ways, it's also kinda forgettable as well.

It was decent.

My Favourite Films Of ALL TIME! #10
Labyrinth [1986]
Directed by: Jim Henson
Starring: David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly

"You have no power over me."

It's a rare thing when a childhood movie stays with you for your whole life. Labyrinth is one of those movies. There are many films from my childhood i still adore, but there are only a few that truly have a certain SOMETHING else about them. Something so unique and special, that they stay in your heart forever. Corny right? i know.....but fuck it, when it's magic, it's magic, and Labyrinth is fucking MAGIC.

Here's the story....

Young, innocent, bushy 80's eye brow teenager, Sarah [Jennifer Connelly] is left to babysit her annoying baby step brother, Toby. During a huge baby cry fest, Sarah tries to silence Toby by reciting a riddle to him. It's a riddle from one of Sarah's favourite fantasy books, which she doesn't realize holds REAL power. To Sarah's shock, not only does the riddle make Toby shut up, but it also makes him disappear all together!
Sarah soon finds out that the evil, but charismatic Goblin King, Jareth [played by Bowie] has kidnapped Toby and is holding him captive in the Goblin City in another dimension. Unfortunately for Sarah, the Goblin City lies on the other side of a giant magical labyrinth. The Goblin King sets her a task, solve the labyrinth in 13 hours, and Toby is hers again. Fail, and Toby belongs to the Goblin King forever!. Unknown to Sarah, the Goblin King is going to purposely try and make her fail so he can use his seductive ways to charm her into staying with him as his Queen in his Goblin Realm. Basically, the labyrinth is gonna be a BITCH to solve. And if she can try and not listen to her craving pussy when it comes to Jareth, she may make it out with her step brother as planned.

I dunno about you, but that's some serious fucking awesome story telling right there! I mean, LOOK at that movie poster! fucken A!

Labyrinth is the type of kids movie that will be watched for years to come. Nearly 25 years on, and the people who grew up with this movie are now showing it to their kids. On DVD it's a big seller, and it gets a new release every few years. It's even JUST hit Blu ray!.
It's a classic movie that doesn't wear thin no matter how old it gets. I suppose that's due to Jim Henson, the worlds most famous puppeteer, who produced and Directed the movie. If you don't know Jim Henson, that's kinda fucked up. He isn't a big player anymore since he passed away, but 25 years ago Jim Henson was as big as Disney. He's most famous for The Muppets series, you know, Kermit, Miss Piggy ect...............EVERYONE knows those characters, so if you don't know Jim, then you would know some of his creations.
As well as the awesome puppet work in the movie, there's a GREAT soundtrack thanks to the genius David Bowie, who sings a few songs in the movie. The film is a musical, but the numbers are so good, it doesn't distract from the rest of the movie. There aren't THAT many songs either, so if musicals aren't your thing, don't worry, there's plenty of dialog. I can't help but clap furiously when Bowie breaks out to DANCE MAGIC!, or feel nostalgic when i hear the opening number 'Underground', or the beautiful 'As The World Falls Down'. That song features in my favourite scene from the movie. It's a beautiful ballroom scene which takes place inside a crystal ball nightmare where Sarah is seduced by the mysterious Bowie. The costume Sarah wears is LEGENDARY! If i ever go to a costume party and see a chic in that, i'll know EXACTLY who she's dressed as. Sigh.

An interesting thing about this film is that there's a mildly sexual aspect to Sarah and Jared's relationship. Underneath the pretty puppets and catchy songs is a story about a young girls growing sexuality. It was obvious to me even as a kid. Jareth has an odd fascination with Sarah, he actually really wants her illegal pussy. And she's no sweetie pie either, she becomes completely over taken by his desire for her. They flirt like crazy, it's actually kinda hot! haha. After seeing Bowie's character in the movie, you may think "hot?"..........but trust me, there's chemistry between the characters and Bowie's portrayal is unexpectedly provocative. Bowie is great in this actually, he's a good actor.

One other thing that may stand out to you in this movie, is something a little unexpected. It's Bowie's BULGE!...............yes, that soft little bump all men have in their crotch region! "Why?" do you ask?...........let's just say, wearing TIGHTS when you're "well endowed" only accentuates what lies between the viewer and a thin piece of cloth covering their DICK! ha. Even as a kid his bulge stood out to me like crazy. Ask anyone who's seen the movie, they'll laugh and echo my exact words.

As usual with most of the childrens films i like, this isn't JUST a movie kids can enjoy, all you older bitches can love it too. Sure there's the amazing nostalgia attached to it from my end [and many other people], but seriously, you can enjoy this movie no matter what your age is. All you need is a big imagination and being open to 80's fantasy AWESOMENESS.

I've never met anyone who hates this film, so if you ever watch it and dislike it..............GO TO FUCKING HELL AND DIE YOU HEARTLESS LOST CHILDHOOD CUNT!.

Bless you xx.

Top 10 Albums of The 90's
Since the last decade will be over once 2010 hits, i started thinking about what 10 albums made the most impact on me over the last 10 years [which will go into a list i'll be posting on here sometime next year]. It got me thinking about the previous decade we had also, the decade i grew up in and am heavily influenced by, the 90's.
So here's my top 10 albums of the 90's, it was a tight race for a few choices, but i managed to pull a list out that was pretty good......


10. Janet Jackson The Velvet Rope [1997]
The album isn't perfect from start to finish, there are a couple duds. But the overall tone of the album is REALLY nice, very mature and beautifully produced. Creatively it's Janet at her best, and it was the best "look" she had too. It's a mellow album for the most part, but there are enough mid tempo beats in there to cruise the songs along without getting boring. Let's not forget the interlude called "Speaker Phone" which features Janet masturbating on the phone while talking to Lisa Marie, lmao, hmmmmm.
It's a shame her output has been kinda average since then. She was once very cool.
Best tracks: Go Deep, What About, Velvet Rope.

9. Moby Play [1999]
One of the most influential dance acts of the 90's finally hit it big with his 'Play' album. This album takes me waaaaay back, such a great nostalgic trip. The album took over the world when it was released, it was everywhere. If you aren't familiar with it, chances are you've heard many of his songs in movies over the years and don't know it. Moby mixed house beats with gospel vocals, a style that became his signature. 'Porcelain' is one of the most beautiful songs i've ever heard.
Best tracks: Machete, Why Does My Heart Feel So Sad, Run, Porcelain.

8. No Doubt Tragic Kingdom [1995]
If there's one music genre i kinda hate, it's Ska. No Doubt made it listenable to me though, mostly because their songs were SO catchy and mixed with other styles. The lead single 'Just A Girl' was a big obsession of mine when it was released, and the rest of the album made a big impact too. When i think 90's, No Doubt are one of the first things that pop into my mind. Their other albums are great too, but this one is their most consistent.
Best tracks: Don't Speak, Are You Happy Now?, Sunday Morning, Just A Girl.

7. Def FX Majick [1995]
99% of you will most likely NOT know this band or album, but that's understandable.....they're a local Aussie act. They're an industrial group who hit it big with this album after being an indie act for a while. Some REALLY great metal/industrial tracks on this, all led by a real life Wicca [aka: Witch] named Fiona Horn. Synths, guitars, drums......it's kinda Nine Inch Nails in places. Old skool, yo!
Best tracks: Mind In Mine, God Rod, Hymn To Her, Majick.

6. Garbage Garbage [1995]
Who doesn't like Garbage???? they were MASSIVE in the 90's. They had a trademark sound and singer Shirley Manson became a God to her fans. Their debut [which is the one i'm writing about] is perfect from start to finish. It's the only album of there's that doesn't have ONE bad track on it. Fans toggle between this album and their second one, Version 2.0 [which is also good], as far as favourites go. For me, this one is the one i seem to re-visit the most.
Best tracks: Milk, Happy When It Rains, Vow, Stupid Girl.

5. Marilyn Manson Mechanical Animals [1998]
Manson has been a favourite of mine for years. I grew up on a lot of his stuff, and i still adore it. This album was Manson at his best. It's the perfect mix of metal and electronica, and the era probably features his wildest look [he had tits for fucks sake!]. It's a beautifully dark album, really deep synthy base lines and heavy guitars. The great thing about Manson is that as well as doing some awesome loud tracks, he can write a great ballad too, and there's some great ones on here. He can surprise you too, on the track 'I Don't Like The Drugs', he goes gospel. Ha!
Best tracks: The Dope Show, Coma White, Speed Of Pain, I Don't Like The Drugs.

4. Bjork Post [1995]
The 'Post' album cover is SUCH a massive symbol of the 90's. Every time i see it i know exactly which decade it came from. It was a hard choice picking which album of hers would make this list, she had 3, and i toggle between them quite a bit as far as which is strongest. Her 3rd album of the bunch 'Homogenic' is probably her most impressive production wise, but i feel 'Post' showcases her at her most accessible and quirky. It's a good mix of commercial and indie. Hyper Ballad is one of the best songs ever made.
Best tracks: Army of Me, Enjoy, Possibly Maybe, Hyper Ballad.

3. Hole Live Through This [1994]
This was a tough choice, i had to pick between this album and their one after this, 'Celebrity Skin'. They're both good for different reasons, but i think this album is the more influential and probably has the better hooks. It's very raw sounding, not as polished as the following album, but that's where it gets it's charm i think. Not one crap song on the record. Perfect.
Best tracks: Doll Parts, Violet, Rock Star, Jennifer's Body.

2. Nine Inch Nails The Downward Spiral [1994]
One of the most influential albums of the 90's. NIN and it's singer/creator Trent Reznor were the leaders of industrial music in the early 90's. The album is a MONSTER of a record, it's insane from start to finish. Loud, angry, dark and sexy. I'm SO glad i grew up on this album, it opened me up to industrial music and made me fall in love with the genre. I was playing this shit when i was 10! isn't that badass!?. NIN are still around and still producing great music, they've never topped this album though, it's just TOO MUCH. Fucking amazing.
Best tracks: Reptile, Closer, Heresy, A Warm Place.

1. Madonna Ray of Light [1998]
My precious Madonna. To the 80's kiddies, Like A Prayer was her big Golden moment, to the later generation of fans, Ray of Light is what turned a lot of them into fans. I've been a fan since i can remember though, i grew up on Madonna. After missing in action for 4 years, she came back in the late 90's and blew everyones eye balls out with ROL. Mature, beautifully produced, and a completely different side of Madonna we'd never seen before. I hate using the word, but it's very "lush". The album takes you on a journey. It's still her best album after 25 years imo.


Honorable mentions:

Portishead Dummy
Souxsie & The Banshees: Twice Upon A Time: The Singles
TLC Fan Mail

fin ;)

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #9
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring [2001]
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Starring: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Cate Blanchette

"You carry the fate of us all, little one."

My oh my! No favourite film list is complete without a mention of The Lord of the Rings [LOTR for short]! Technically, i'd include ALL 3 films in this post, but....since it was a trilogy, i'll actually PICK one just to be specific. There were 3 films in total, and i guess the obvious choice to go with would be the last movie, The Return of the King. That's where the story hits it's climax, where everything comes to an end, and where the battles get the biggest. Most people tend to go for that one. I love all 3 films equally, but for me, the first movie, Fellowship, is the one that i seem to revisit the most.

The overall plot for the trilogy goes something like this: An evil warlord from the past named Sauron wants to wage war against the peaceful lands of Middle Earth once again. The power to do this lies within a tiny gold ring which was forged many years ago between the races of people in Middle Earth. In order to stop Sauron's return, a group of people working for the forces of good must band together and trek their way through Middle Earth towards Mount Doom where they can throw the ring into the lava pits, destroying it forever.
In Fellowship of the Ring, we see the introduction of these characters and the beginning of their journey throughout Middle Earth. Don't think just because it's the first chapter, that it's light on the adventure, it isn't, i assure you!

I think Fellowship was the perfect mix of all 3 films. It had a nice mix of light and dark, where as The Two Towers [part 2] and Return of the King [part 3] tended to just get darker in tone as they went along. There's an innocence in the beginning of Fellowship which i really like seeing, and considering just HOW BIG this story is, the build up of introductions in Fellowship really excites me because it works as a teaser for what's coming up in the other 2 films.

There are so many great moments in Fellowship. I hadn't actually read the books when i saw this movie for the first time [i still haven't], so it was all coming at me with virgin eyes, and i was LOVING it. Once the evil Nazgul [those scary cloaked horsemen] arrive in lil' ol' Hobbiton, i was on the edge of my seat. That was topped soon after once Frodo [Elijah Wood] and the other Hobbits were confronted by the Nazgul again during an overnight sleep on a hill top with Aragorn [Viggo Mortensen]. Poor Frodo gets his little shoulder stabbed, and we also get a chance to see what the Nazgul look like WITHOUT their black hoods on. Pretty cool stuff.The stand out moment from the entire movie for me however was the Orc battle in the Mines of Moria. Shit on me!!!! what an epic fucking display! Not only do we get the Fellowship battling it out with giant Trolls, but we also have thousands of Orcs scaling pillars and walls, coming in for the kill so they can get their hands on a meaty piece of "man flesh"!!!. Just when you think it can't get any more dangerous, the Fellowship are then faced with battling the fiery BALROG [sp?] as they rush across the Bridge of Khaza Dum to safety. That creature was fucking BADASS! the whole thing was made of shadow and fire, the digital work on that thing was beautiful!

The most controversial part of this movie was a scene involving Liv Tyler's character, Arwen. Basically, her scene belonged to another character in the book, so fans were pissed off. Maybe if i was a massive fan of the books, i'd have been offended by this change in character as well, but to be honest, it's one of my favourite moments in the entire trilogy. SOMEONE had to rescue Frodo! and if the character who was supposed to do the job wasn't in the film to do it, well....hand it over to Arwen then, no biggie. She looked cool doing it anyway, but then......i have a soft spot for chics with weapons too so....ha!

It had been a LONG time since we saw a truly epic fantasy adventure film before LOTR came along. They were so big in the 80's, and that genre seemed to die out in the 90's. It was a genre i LOVED as a kid, so to see what most people consider to be the greatest fantasy books on screen after so many years of fantasy free cinema, was a real buzz for me.
These films became an annual event for a lot of people, for 3 years i anticipated the next chapter. It was a great movie experience seeing these on the big screen. They're instant classics, the types of movies that people will watch 100 years from now. They have that special magic about them. I revisit them ever few years and it's a blast watching them over and over as time goes on. I never get sick of them and i wish they were even longer than they already were.
Props to Peter Jackson for pulling off what many people thought was impossible.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #8The Doom Generation [1995]
Directed by: Gregg Araki
Starring: Rose McGowan, James Duvall, Johnathon Schaech

"That'll be, Six Sixty Six"

Gregg Araki isn't well known amongst people who don't watch a lot of indie cinema. He's made some angsty classics though, most of them in the 90's. In fact, in my opinion, his movies are ESSENTIAL viewing for ANYONE who grew up in the 90's. His last film is his most critically acclaimed and well known, Mysterious Skin. Doom Generation is a bit more of a low key event though, and you'll find many people who haven't seen it, or even heard of it.

The movie follows teenage couple, Amy [Rose McGowan] and Jordan [James Duvall]. They spend most of their time hating the world and going to punk clubs. They take a road trip one night and unfortunately cross paths with an eccentric, horny and head shooting hitchhiker named, Xavier [Johnathon Schaech], who is INSANELY hot may i add.
Jordan warms up to him instantly, Amy however becomes very hateful of Xavier's ridiculous behavior, AND is madly attracted to him at the same time. Xavier quickly sets off on his merry way, much to Amy's delight, but they meet again not long after when Amy and Jordan are held up at gun point by a store clerk, who then gets his head shot off by Xavier who rescues them. Soon they're on the run from the law, bumping into the most retarded psycho freaks you'd ever meet on the road, and trying to cope with a threesome relationship that's starting to get a little TOO disastrous for their own good.

There's 2 things about Araki that stand out the most in his films: One, is his love for all sorts of SIGNAGE. He always has bold words, warning messages and big signs on walls, chairs, cars and other assorted objects in ALL his films.
Secondly, his unique dialog. The script is filled with hilarious lines and quirks. Rose McGowan's wobbly style of acting is perfect for the way these lines need to be delivered. She has a blast with them.
Most of the swearing and funny insults are left for Amy, "Look, you fucking chunky pumpkinhead! I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!". Xavier get's all the dirty talk, since he's so oversexed and inappropriate, "Come on, sniff my finger and tell me it doesn't smell like your girlfriend's sweet, juicy snatch". While poor innocent Jordan is left with lines that any philosophical stoner could recite, "I love you" can mean a lot of things... like "you'll do 'till someone better comes along," or "I can't describe how I really feel but I know that I'm supposed to say this," or "Shut up, I'm watching TV." The three of them together are just insane!

I've seen this movie countless times over the years. I even loved it back when i FIRST saw it in 1996, when i was only 12! It still holds up today for me and it's one of those movies you WISH more people have seen so they could understand what the hell you're talking about when you tell them to "eat my fuck". It's typical Araki, low budget, and filled with sex and violence. I love it.

Kudos to Araki for opening the film with a Nine Inch Nails track too. Badass!

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #7
The Witches [1990]
Directed by: Nicolas Roeg
Starring: Anjelica Huston, Rowan Atkinson

"You're in for a treat"

Lawd oh lawdy! Any kid who grew up in the 90's has most likely seen this film. It's one of those rare "too scary for kids" type of childrens movies that i love so much. These types of movies don't seem to pop up as much anymore, which is a shame.
I knew nothing of the book it was based on, and i saw it for the first time back in 1991 when it had JUST hit video and my teacher at the time rented it to show it to the class. It freaked me the fuck out, but i loved it.

The movie follows the story of a young boy named Luke, and his Grandmother. She tells him scary stories about her time as a little girl and the encounters she had with real life witches in the town she lived in. One day Luke's parents die in a car accident, and his Grandmother becomes his sole guardian. She takes him on a trip to England where they stay at a hotel, and during their stay, The Grand High Witch [played by Anjelica Huston] organizes a conference for all the other witches of England to attend.
Soon Luke finds himself learning that witches are in fact real like his Grandmother warned him, and it's up to him to stop The Grand High Witch from turning all the children in England into MICE!
Why mice?..........well, witches find children to be like vermin, mice are dirty little things, so they choose to turn them into rodents. Ha!

If there's one thing that sticks out like crazy from the moment you first start watching this movie, is that it's FULL of atmosphere. The story that's told in the beginning about the girl who goes missing and then appears as an imagine in her parents painting in their home is really creepy. As a kid, that freaked me out! and watching it as an adult, it still has a very haunting feel to it.
Another highlight is when Luke encounters his first witch as he's playing outside in a tree. The woman is creeptastic, like some sort of child kidnapping psychopath dressed in a nice outfit.
The witches meeting is also a scary mess. Not so much because it's spooky, but because the witches are so hideous removing their wigs and shoes. You could just picture one of them creeping up after you as you tried to hide. They're fucked.

The best thing about this movie is Anjelica Huston. It's such a great career moment for her. Every time i think of her, this is the first movie that pops up in my head [as well as Ever After]. She plays evil so well, she has the look, and she has a strong presence on screen. She looks like she's having a blast playing The Grand High Witch, and every time she's in a scene she steals the show. You can't take your eyes off her.

The movie is HUGELY underrated. You'll find more people who haven't heard of it, then those who have. Those who have however, all agree on one thing, that the movie is creepy!. I hope to see a nice DVD package for this one day, so far it's only had a bare bones release, and not even in every country.
Don't be turned off by the fact that it's a kids film. It has a great story, some genuinely eerie moments and Anjelica rips it up. It's definitely for everybody. In saying that though.........i'm not sure if i'd let a kid under 5 watch it, if it freaked me out at 6, i can only imagine what it'd do to someone even younger. If you're looking for something to scare your kids with to keep them away from strangers though, show them this, it'll work like magic, haha.

Whew Chald!Beyonce
I Am... Tour 2009
Acer Arena

First the opening acts....

Jessica Mauboy: Yay!!! Australia's new r&b Princess had the biggest moment of her career nabbing the chance to open up for a megastar like Beyonce. She was great on stage, very energetic and even threw in a song i didn't expect to hear [To The Floor]. The girl is screaming for her own show! i'm sure it'll happen in due time. JESSICA!!!!

Flo Rida: Unfortunately for Beyonce, the build up to her show was ruined by the this dull and randomly put together opener. The first thing that confused me was Flo's entrance....for the entire part of the first song i didn't even realize he was on stage. There were 2 guys rapping, dressed the same and wearing caps, i'm supposed to tell these mongs apart???? Anyway, eventually he revealed himself properly, and i can't say i was impressed, the guy looked boring on stage. Taking his shirt off didn't heighten much of the performance either since the guy is about as sexy as an old shoe. Another strange thing about his opener was how he organized his songs. He only sang a minute and a half of most of the tracks, and would then stop to talk to the "lovely ladies", or give away something.........like TOWELS! What was with the fucking towels? he just kept signing them and throwing them to everybody, haha! he even gave away a giant gold necklace, it was so fug, lmao.
Anyway, thankfully it came to an end soon after his uneventful entrance, and i was able to stop rolling my eyes.

Beyonce: I've seen a few live shows this past year, and even though the shows have been GREAT and the acts have been VERY well know, there's just something different about seeing someone so other worldly famous like Beyonce.
She made a nice dramatic entrance, lights, smoke, a sexy silhouette, and then BANG! she kicked right into her first song quickly. It was Crazy In Love, the crowd was absolutely insane, stomping and screaming for her. She was hair flipping and hip shaking her ass off like crazy. If she pumped her crotch and threw her hair about anymore, i thought she was going to break a limb, it was great. She threw out a few more songs [including Freakum Dress, woo!] and her dancers finished off the first part of the show dancing and popping to Get Me Bodied.

She slowed it down after that with Smash Into You, and a beautiful rendition of Ave Maria. She was dressed in some sort of white wedding dress, and it looked so magical on stage. They toyed with a lot of lighting in the show. They kept trying to make her glow like some sort of Goddess on stage, it looked cool. Her voice was really powerful live, she sang the tracks beautifully. She finished off that section with one of my favourite moments of the night, Broken Hearted Girl. The performance itself was very straight forward, but i love the song and she sounded great.

Sasha Fierce makes her first appearance soon after this. There was a great video interlude featuring a robotic Beyonce and a cheetah. I heard Sweet Dreams was left off the set list for some of her shows and i was hoping mine wouldn't be one of them, sadly it was. It played during an interlude for a minute and that's all i heard from it. It's a shame, it's a big hit here atm and the crowd went crazy when it started playing. It didn't matter soon though because once DIVA kicked in, my brain melted a little. The bass line on that track has always been hot, but hearing it live was really awesome. She popped her pussy so hard in this part, it might be my favourite part of the show for me. To my surprise she also sang Radio, which i also liked.

Throughout the night, Beyonce did her trademark sweat soaked towel giveaways, haha! It was such a random thing to do, but the crowd go ape shit for it, so i can see why she does it. Sometimes she'd be singing so hard, that she'd snatch a towel from the crowd and furiously slam her face with it and then she'd throw it back to the fan and he'd get hit in the face with it, LMAO!!!!! it was fucking awesome. Bitch needs a towel!!!!!!

She had some really great video interludes being played between segments. My favourite was the one that appeared before Baby Boy. It featured Beyonce tossing a coin in an empty cave [i think that's where she was], and the coin landed on the side that featured Sasha's face. Then Sasha showed up taking the moment from poor B and walking off onto the stage. Loved it.
Soon after that Beyonce was floating over the crowd from some wires and preparing for a Destiny's Child medley, which she finished off with a few other solo songs like Check On It and Video Phone.

After this she slowed it down again to sing Listen from her movie Dreamgirls, and then she sang her own version of At Last to video footage of President Obama. Nice moment, the audience really loved it.

At this point the show had been going for a while and once the backdrop on the stage started playing a whole collection of YouTube clips of people dancing to Single Ladies, the crowd went fucking mental, and we knew we were about to see the big finale. The clips were hilarious, and once Beyonce came on stage, NO ONE was sitting down. EVERYONE was dancing or standing. At one point, Beyonce urged the women to "put cho hand in his face!" and all the women were flipping their hands all over, lmao! It was a true SISTA HOOD moment.

Once Single Ladies wrapped we knew she had an encore. After a short break she returned to a roaring audience for Halo. It was nicely done, but something a little unexpected happened. At one point earlier in the show, i noticed [on one of the big projection screens scanning the crowd] a little girl who looked like she had cancer. She didn't have a lot of hair, and she was right at the front of the stage. Beyonce stopped the song and made an announcement on stage about the girl, she asked the girl if she wanted to come up, and she did. The little girl introduced herself as Chelsea. She looked about....5 years old, and she had the sweetest face and voice. Beyonce then dedicated the rest of Halo to her. Beyonce was on her knees next to her, hugging her and singing, Chelsea was singing along, and when Beyonce started changing the words to "Chelsea, we can see your Halo", the girl started to cry, and so was EVERYONE in the audience. It was a really touching moment and the whole audience was just silent and in tears. I really had to hold myself back because i was getting really emotional. Chelseah seemed to love the dedication though and it was a beautiful way to end the show, even if it was slightly depressing.
After that, the show was done.

Beyonce was amazing live. She seemed really happy with the crowd reaction to the show. At one point, she started singing Irreplaceable, and she only got through about 30 seconds of it. The rest was sang PERFECTLY insync by the whole crowd, she looked SO impressed, haha. Nice moment.

She's a superstar.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #6Kill Bill Vol. 2 [2004]
Directed by: Quentin Tarantino.
Starring: Uma Thurman, Daryl Hannah, David Carradine.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

Ok, so technically Kill Bill was created to be ONE movie. Hopefully for the fans of this project, we will see the long awaited "Whole Bloody Affair" edition of the film on DVD, where the movie is edited back into it's one picture format. Until then, we need to get over this whole one movie bullshit and come to terms with the fact that it was released in 2 volumes! YES! 2 volumes! We also need to accept the fact that, both volumes are actually VERY different in tone AND style. So if anyone wants to bitch at me for only picking ONE of the volumes instead of both because it was actually "one movie", i'm telling you now, piss the fuck off! It's 2 volumes, and they're both different as fuck!

Now, let's get on with this.....

The overall storyline that goes across both volumes of Kill Bill is as follows: The Bride [Uma Thurman] was shot in the head on her wedding day. She was shot by her boss, Bill [David Carradine], who happens to be the head of a group of elite assassins, a group The Bride herself is a member of. The only problem with this killing is that Bill didn't shoot her quite good enough, so The Bride survives and lays in a coma for a few years. The Bride was also pregnant at the time of her attempted slaying..............oh, what a mess. Bill and the other assassins who were responsible for The Brides situation assume she'll never wake up from her sleep, but they're wrong!!!!!! One day, The Bride wakes the fuck up! and she remembers EVERYTHING, and she's fucking PISSED OFF! They killed her unborn baby, they killed her friends, and they took her life for 4 years as she lay bed ridden and plugged into a machine!
Over the course of 2 volumes, The Bride tracks down each member of the assassin crew who malled her down on her wedding day, and she takes them out, one, by one. She just doesn't shoot them, or strangle them either, no.............she cuts them the FUCK up with her Hitaro Hanzo ninja sword! And i'm talking about some SERIOUS body count fuckery here!What's the difference between the two volumes? Well, MOST of the flashy action happens in vol 1. It's slick, it's fast paced, it's Asian film inspired, and it features lots of outrageous violence. Vol 1 is fucking bad ass! and i love it just as much as Vol 2. But for me, the bulk of the story is what i loved in Vol 2, which is why it gets the head above vol 1 for my fav movie list.We really get to delve into The Brides history and relationship with her ex boss and ex lover, Bill. The fast paced feel of part 1 is dropped for a much quieter and slower moving story. We find out about how The Bride discovered her pregnancy, where she was trained to become an assassin, and who the remaining clan of killers are that she has set out to wreak revenge upon. Both volumes compliment each other in different ways. For me personally though, it's the story heavy second part that kept me more interested.

It took me a couple of viewings before i was able to sit and really enjoy Vol 2 for what it was. The difference between both volumes is pretty strong, and if you wanted mindless action and fun like you got in vol 1, you may be a little disappointed. But don't fret too much, because vol 2 certainly has it's handful of violent moments! The stand out being the show down between The Bride and the one eyed cunt Queen, Elle Driver [Daryl Hannah].
Action isn't what you watch vol 2 for. You watch it to see The Bride finally take back what was hers, and you also get to find out what the BIG secret in vol 2 is. Well, technically you found out that secret at the end of vol 1, but you see the effects of it in vol 2.
You also get to see the meeting between The Bride and Bill, which isn't about "fighting" at all. In fact, you get to see them slog it out with some tense conversation and big reveals! It's a great scene when they meet again for the first time. Another standout moment from the film is the flashback of The Bride training with Kung Fu master, Pai Mai. It's the only "Asian cinema" throwback in the film. Unlike vol 1, the rest of vol 2 is actually a lot more western movie themed.

Unless you're into really brain dead action, i doubt you'll be hard pressed to NOT get into vol 2 of Kill Bill. It may be slower and more script heavy, but it's so well written, which makes it easy to move on from vol 1 and enjoy what Quentin has to offer character wise with vol 2. There's so much meat to the story, and it's perfectly acted by everyone involved. Uma is fucking amazing in these movies!
Prepare for a bit of change after you see vol 1. Don't worry though, it's a change you'll welcome soon enough once you realize how badass the remainder of the story is. There's really no other way you can describe the movie other than calling it something like "badass". Both volumes are epic, and together it's one great long watch. Separately though, it's vol 2 that has the special magic for me.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #5Dancer In The Dark [2000]
Directed by: Lars von Trier
Starring: Bjork, Catherine Deneuve

"You don't need eyes to see"

Well..............HOW exactly do i go about describing this movie? It's one of those few films i've mentioned before that has left an everlasting impression on me after only one viewing. I don't even KNOW if "impression" is the right word to use. It sounds like too soft of a word............how about, INDENTED INTO MY FUCKING BRAIN FOR ALL FUCKING TIME!!!!!! [breathes]..........ok, ok........i'll calm down.........but seriously, this movie really fucked me side ways emotionally.
I remember when it first came out, the only thing i knew about it was that Bjork was nominated for an Academy Award [to my surprise and joy], and that Bjork turned up to the awards ceremony wearing a now infamous swan dress that came with a matching bird egg purse, haha! oh Bjork! you kooky kooky thing! I'm a Bjork fan, so the movie peaked my interest because she was in it.
Eventually it hit video stores and i picked it up one night. I hadn't read any reviews and i had NO idea what it was about. All i knew was that my older sister had seen it and she told me it left her practically traumatized by the end. She saw it during it's cinema run and she said the entire audience was in tears. Other than that, i knew of Bjork's award nomination and that the film was a critical hit.

So there i was, going into the film blindly.....

The movie starts off very pleasantly. We get introduced to Selma [Bjork], a young mother who has immigrated to America and is working to save money so she may get her son an operation that will stop him from going blind. Selma has this same disease, and for her it's too late, so she spends her days working and drifting off into imaginary musicals to keep herself happy and sane. Selma loves musicals you see............she skips about in her quirky song and dance routines, counting steps and making beats out of metallic clanking sounds and acting merry. It's all very sweet and loving, and it leaves you feeling all "awwww" at the situation. Her poor son.

Turns out life isn't SO sweet though. No, it REALLY isn't. Without giving too much away, we see Selma go from a struggling Mother trying to save her son, to a struggling Mother trying to save HERSELF for something she gets in trouble for. It takes an utterly HEARTBREAKING turn and it leaves you feeling sick and depressed! i'm serious!The movie starts off with Selma doing nothing but smiling and enjoying her fantasies. By the midway point though, the movie is a non stop downward spiral into misery and sadness. We see her shining face turn to loss and sorrow. She sings a song called 'Scatterheart' at one point, it's a song that's about her being DELUDED about the awful events that have just occurred. She sings along pretending the entire incident was make believe. By the end of the song though, reality kicks in again and she ends the song breaking down and realizing how deep she's gone. Watching that transition left me choking. You just feel SO much for this woman, you want to help her so much, but you just know nothing will fix the mess she's in.
I kept watching the film hoping Selma would get a chance to redeem herself and clear her name. Sadly though, it just doesn't get any better.

I was practically rocking back and forth during the final scene in this movie. It was an emotional roller coaster watching the events unfold in front of me. I knew why this movie was ripping the hearts out of people who were watching it world wide. The story completely grabs at your soul and just tears it apart into hundreds of pieces! By the time the credits rolled i really had to sit and absorb the whole thing.

I have only seen this movie 2 times in total. It's NOT the type of film you can watch over and over because it could lose it's impact a little. I like to remember this film as i first saw it, and when i one day watch it again, i'd like it to have been a while so i can absorb it all in again. The movie should be savored.

If you don't like Bjorks style of music, you may find the very few musical numbers a little uninteresting. BUT.........all of the songs flesh out the story, so lyrically you'll get a lot out of them. Aside from that, i can't find ANY other reason as to how anybody could watch this and not be moved in some way by it. Every person i have met you has seen it has always had a very powerful experience watching it. One guy in particular was so distraught by the end of it all, he couldn't even sit through the ending in all it's entirety.

Before i finish my write up on this film, i need to point out how INCREDIBLE Bjork is in this movie. It's a story that she has said was easy for her to relate to, having her own son in real life to reflect on for the part. It's the only serious acting role she's ever undertaken, and i'm not sure how she would do in any other role, but her belief in this one was SO real that it translates POWERFULLY on screen. As i mentioned before, she was nominated for countless awards [and won a few] for her role in this, even an Oscar. She said if she didn't win the award, she'd never act again, apparently the role took a lot out of her. Sadly, she didn't win, and she's stuck to her word, she's never done any acting since. A shame really.

The movie has a very indie feel to it, so i'm not sure if i'd recommend it to everyone. However, for anybody who can handle such a beautifully filmed movie with gut wrenching intensity, you'll be in for a treat. Just take a box of tissues with you when you watch it, you'll need it i assure you. Don't bring a gun though, you may feel inclined to USE IT on yourself by the time it's over. Ha!

Funhouse!P!nk
The Funhouse Tour 2009
Acer Arena

As some of you may know, Pink has become a bit of an Australian icon. Her fans are OBSESSED here, they're RAVENOUS when it comes to buying her albums and seeing her shows. Her last tour here was a huge success, and from what Pink said, she didn't expect it to happen again for her next tour.............um, boy was she wrong, lmao!!!!!!
I laugh because it's hilarious just how insanely huge her current show has become. It originally started at 10 shows [or something around that number] and eventually built up to 20, 30 and now 58 shows in total! Every second person in this country has gone to see her live, and i felt if i didn't make the effort to go catch the show myself, i'd regret it.

I managed to score tickets to her SECOND LAST show of the tour, and after attending it last night, i'm SO glad i got the opportunity to go. The show was AWESOME!. I knew it's be good, i've seen her live on TV and i knew she had the personality to easily carry a concert under her own name. The show exceeded expectations though, and i was blown away by how good it all was!
I unfortunately had to sit through nearly an hour of Evermore performing [booooring], and the show itself took a couple of hours to finally start, so there was a lot of fucking around. Once it began though, it was fucking kick ass!
Pink came rising out of the stage on a giant rig, spinning around in her feather dress and started singing 'Bad Influence'. It looked great and it was a cool way to start the show. She kicked into 'Just Like A Pill', 'Who Knew' and 'You + Your Hand' soon after. A couple other tracks were done, but i've gone a bit blank over which ones they were.
Funnily enough, my 2 favourite moments from the show didn't even include her OWN songs. It was two covers she did. My favourite was her version of The Divinyls "I Touch Myself". She was withering all over a red sofa, while rubbing her pussy and having hands pop out around her and rub her body all over. It was REALLY sexy. She also did a kick ass cover of a Led Zeppelin song, i wasn't familiar with the song itself, but the performance was incredible. She has a GREAT voice!

Another nice moment of the show was when she slowed things down a bit and sang a few ballads. 'Glitter In the Air', 'I Don't Believe You' and a beautiful version of 'Family Portrait'. She also got a chance to talk to the audience which was really cute. She had gifts thrown at her, and she also told us her parents were in the audience that night. If anyone wants to know WHY Aussies have fallen in love with her so much, this was the part of the show that showed you why. She's incredibly like able as a person, she's funny, charismatic and came across very genuine. The audience loved her.

By the time we got to the end of the show, she'd knocked out a few more songs and sung a Queen cover. My 3rd favourite performance of the night was for 'Sober'. Pink was suspended in mid air as she swung and flipped her way through the song. It was fucking awesome! and she even managed to sing well while being upside down most of the time.
She wrapped it up soon after that with 'Funhouse', 'Get The Party Started' and a cover of 'Crazy'. That last cover was the only mild low point for me, she should have replaced it with one of her own songs imo. But whatever, it was still great.

If i had free tickets to see her last show tonight, i'd go again. It's amazing that after 57 shows in the same country, she can still get up on stage and look like she's have the time of her life and perform like it was her first time. The crowd was WILD, and even more diverse than i expected. I had a grandma in front of me headbanging her way throughout the whole thing, lol. It was heaps of fun!

My Favourite Films Of ALL TIME! #4Legend [1985]
Directed by: Ridley Scott
Starring: Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry

"May be innocent, may be sweet, ain't half as nice as rotting meat"

Poor brave Legend, it's become a bit of a forgotten gem over the years. I guess in a way, it has reached some sort of MILD cult status, on a smaller level.....amongst fantasy film fans anyway. Anyone from the 80's will most likely remember it, and anyone into fantasy films will most likely LOVE it. Or so they should.
It was one of those movies i grew up watching, along with, Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Red Sonja, ect. The 80's were FULL of fantasy adventures, and Legend always stood out among the rest for me because it had much slicker production behind it than the others did. Don't get me wrong, the other films i mentioned were great, especially Labyrinth, but Legend was so much darker and more adult.

The story follows 2 young lovers named Jack [Tom Cruise] and Lilly [Mia Sara]. Jack is like some sort of Tarzan-esque forest boy [with great legs], and Lilly is the local Princess. Lilly doesn't enjoy the servant filled life of a Princess, so she spends her days frolicking around the forest making friends with animals and villagers. It's all very sweet and cheerful.
One day, Jack takes Lilly to see the ancient Unicorns [he's trying to impress her you see]. The Unicorns are very sacred animals, you aren't allowed to go near them or touch them. Lilly, being the pain in the ass she is, chooses to ignore these rules, and makes her way towards one of the Unicorns, to Jack's horror!
Eventually word gets out about these Unicorns and the Princess, and the evil LORD OF DARKNESS sends out his minions to fetch them, so he can use the HORN on top of the horses head to blanket the world in complete darkness FOREVERRRRR!!!!
Jack sets off to find Lilly after her and the Unicorn's are captured, meeting a whole flurry of friends along the way, including one freaky pointy eared dwarf thingie with a chipmunk voice and scary eyes.

The plot is basic and straight forward. It's you're standard boy meets girl, girl gets kidnapped, boy goes to rescue her adventure story we've seen 100 times. What makes Legend special is the characters we meet in this movie, the BEAUTIFUL production design and the music. Let's start with the cast....
The co-stars are the biggest highlight of this movie! forget Tom Cruise, the role asks him to do nothing but jump a lot and look perplexed by everything. Characters you gotta watch out for are Gump, the freaky eyed dwarf thingie that i mentioned earlier. Oona, the Pixie who falls in love with Jack. Blix, the evil troll henchman [or women, i can't tell], who speaks in riddles......and last, but not least, Tim Curry as The Lord of Darkness! Now THAT is some serious awesome shit right there! The make up on Tim in this film is STILL superb. He looks like SATAN personified with his massive black horns, hooved feet and red skin. Tim completely gets lost in the character and you can't take your eyes off him, it's a fantastic role. The entire movie is built around his FINAL reveal, we only see glimpses of him through most of the film until the end where he's shown in all his GIANT glory.
My favourite scene out of the entire movie is when he first shows up and turns virginal Princess Lilly into a Goth Queen from Hell. They play a game of cat and mouse over a "dinner date" that turns ugly once Lilly refuses his hand in marriage. It's an EPIC meeting!

The cinematography is stunning, especially during the Unicorn slaughter scene, but it's the MUSIC in Legend that elevates it even more! For the longest time i thought there was only ONE version of Legend, but later i found out, there were in fact 2. There's the international version which is the one i am familiar with, and it was composed by Jerry Goldsmith, which is BEAUTIFULLY scored. The other is the AMERICAN version of the film, which sadly features music by Tangerine Dream, BIG FUCKING MISTAKE! I had the opportunity to see that version only recently, and i tell you what, the movie lost SO MUCH atmosphere and ambiance with that shitty score, i couldn't believe it. No wonder the movie wasn't well received on it's release!!!!! Legend is the PERFECT example of how much sound and music can enrich something we are watching. If you ever get the chance to see it, ONLY watch the international cut of the film, you have NO idea how much better it is. It's like a completely different movie!

Ridley Scott doesn't talk about the movie much now days. Not because he doesn't like it, but i guess because it was a much more low key film compared to the previous movies he made back then. Tom Cruise never includes it on his resume, or so i read. Maybe he doesn't like it, i dunno. Either way, it's a great movie which i think he should really get behind when he talks about his previous films. Since it wasn't a career defining moment for him, i guess he doesn't find it all that important to remember. That's too bad.
For me, it will always represent a part of my child hood, and one of the best fantasy epics i've ever seen. It's simple, but well acted and BEAUTIFULLY filmed.

AbortionOrphan [2009]
Starring: Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard
Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
1/5

Well fuck me sideways with a crowbar! this is some SERIOUS fuckery right here! All i've been hearing about is the THE TWIST in Orphan, but i wasn't sure what to expect from it, because some people were saying it's "surprising", others were saying it's "stupid". I figured i'd avoid spoilers and wait to see the movie and judge for myself........well....i saw it....and i'm gonna fucking judge this movie up it's A-HOLE!

Basically, the movie is about a married couple who adopt a young girl from an orphanage. The young girl seems intelligent and sweet in the beginning, but soon starts to show signs of WEIRD behavior and goes on a killing spree to stop her EVIL secret from surfacing. It's your typical devil child type of flick. The thing that everyone is saying MAKES or BREAKS the movie, is the girls "secret".

Now, before we get to the secret, let's talk about the rest of the film. It doesn't reach any great heights, it's very run of the mill, and all very predictable and silly. The movies strongest point is the casting of Esther, the little devil girl. The actress playing her is GREAT, but the character herself is a bit too over the top and unbelievable. In fact, i really wanted to slap that bitch down. Most of her "evil" deeds are rather lame, and at times, she could have been easily caught doing DEMENTED things, but no one seems to have their eyes open around her. We are forced to believe that she's THAT good at being a cunt, but in reality, she really wouldn't be.
At times the pacing is a bit slow and i didn't get scared once. So as far as "scary" movies go, this stays way on the bottom of my list. It's not scary. The movie is also a bit overlong, and the big finale does drag on a bit.

Now for the big TWIST! I won't reveal it in case some of you haven't seen the movie, but i will say, that this twist, is FUCKING STUPID. They take a fairly silly, but mildly enjoyable evil kid movie, and force their viewers to suspend belief BEYOND COMPREHENSION! Seriously, it's as if i shouldn't use my brain if i want to be able to accept the big reveal!
Not only is the twist itself ridiculous, but the plot holes surrounding the twist are MASSIVE. They asked WAY TOO much of the viewers to buy into this twist, in fact, i felt INSULTED that they even expected people to TRY and go along with such a dumb idea.
I felt like the Director was saying, "hey you, viewer, FUCK YOU!". Well you know what, FUCK YOU BACK CUNT!

This movie seems to be having a case of the "Twilights", people either love it or hate it. I for one cannot understand how anyone can accept this film without noticing how unbelievable the entire thing is. It's borderline retarded!

Orphan? more like ABORTION!

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #3The Crow [1994]
Directed by: Alex Proyas
Starring: Brandon Lee, Bai Ling

"It can't rain all the time"

Man, what a flash back of a movie. Don't you just love it when a film completely takes you back?..........this movie has that type of effect on me. I remember being about 8 years old and Brandon's death and this movie being EVERYWHERE at the time. My love for this movie isn't purely nostalgia based though, i do actually love the movie as a stand alone product. In fact, the older i am and the more i see it, the more i get out of it. I guess it's a case of being a bit more mature and understanding the themes a bit more.

The Crow follows the story of a young couple in love named Eric [Brandon Lee] and Shelly, who are brutally murdered one night in their home by a gang of thugs. One year later, Eric is given the chance to return from the dead and seek REVENGE on those who killed him and his fiancee.
Eric is guided by a crow during his return, who acts as a link between the world of the living and the world of the dead. He's invincible, and pissed off, and he cuts and burns his way through the city trying to find every criminal who was involved in the death of him and his dear Shelly.

That's pretty much the basic plot. Simple enough right? a revenge tale with a supernatural twist, nice!........but the movie is a lot more layered than that.
The key to this movie really connecting with it's audience is Brandon Lee. I've never actually seen this guy in anything else, most of his other films were just B grade martial arts films, and the ONLY one i'm aware of is Rapid Fire. The Crow however was set to be a great career move for him, not only because the movie was actually good, but he finally got a chance to ACT. His portrayal was both scary and very heartfelt. The character goes between angry revenge and emotional pain very easily, and Brandon plays it perfectly. Even underneath the make up you can see still see the sadness his his eyes when he talks about his love for Shelly.
That was the key to really fleshing this guy out. They didn't just make him a super cool killing machine, they actually gave him some humanity, and even a good sense of humor. You could actually relate to the him, and you believed in his mission. A lot of that was because of Brandon.

In case some of you are unaware [where have you been for 15 years?], Brandon Lee died during the making of this movie. In a way, that actually gives the movie an even MORE believable atmosphere, because we are watching a movie about a guy who died coming back from the dead..........and essentially, that's what this movie did to Brandon in real life. He passed away, and then returned one last time as Eric to show us what he was capable of. Kinda ironic, huh?

Other than Brandon [who was pretty cute in this may i add] , the other films strong point were the visuals. It's a beautifully Gothic looking film, lots of shadows, lots of rain, and lots of Victorian architecture. There are some great camera shots in this too, Alex Proyas [the Director] does this style of movie well, he went even further with it in Dark City, another cool movie.

The final key to this movie working so well, is the soundtrack. One of the most well known soundtracks around, i remember it being MASSIVE when it was released alongside the movie. The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, Thrill Kill Kult, there's a whole bunch of early 90's industrial Goth bands lending their tunes to the film. The original score written by one of my favourite movie composers, Graham Revell, is quite nice too.

There have been a few sequels over the years to The Crow, none of which you should really bother with unless you're REALLY curious about what else they did with the franchise. They all fall flat for the most part, and Brandon REALLY made this role his own, so you don't really care about seeing anyone else star in these films. Well, at least i don't, Brandon was it for me.

The Crow is one of those movies nearly everyone has seen. Brandon's death before the films release brought the crowds in droves, but it was his fantastic portrayal and the dark and imaginative world around him in the movie that made people stay. It's dark, sad, loud, violent and very entertaining. I LOVE IT!

My Favourite Films Of ALL TIME! #2Showgirls [1995]
Directed by: Paul Verhoeven
Starring: Elizabeth Berkley, Gina Gershon

"You can fuck me when you love me"

I've been talking about this movie for the last 15 years. I feel like it's been indented into my brain like no other film i've seen ever! It's definitely one of my top 5 most watched films ever, i've seen it countless times and can re-enact every line from start to finish. "WHY is this one of your favourite films" you ask? well...........because it's fucking hilarious!

The story follows a young slut named Nomi Malone who hitchhikes her way to Vegas to become a dancer. Of course by dancer, i mean STRIPPER! and of course Nomi HATES working as a stripper, but looks like she's having a ball on stage every night showing her vagina to the world. One night she meets popular Vegas showgirl Queen Cristal Connors, and Cristal falls in LUST with her and gets her an audition for the show she headlines called, GODDESS.
Nomi thrusts and pouts her way through her audition, and Cristal ensures she gets the part [so she can have her around and toy with her]. Cristal REALLY does toy with her........i'm talking about seductive dance rehearsals, flirting lunch dates and Nomi getting her top ripped off and getting her nipples massaged by Cristal. Yes, it's that sleazy.

As Nomi goes through her showgirl journey she starts taking drugs and screwing her way to the top. She starts to become conniving and dangerous like Cristal, she loses herself in her career. Eventually, her hunger to be the #1 showgirl consumes her and she completely becomes a new person, pushing away the people around her and surrounding herself with the "wrong" types of friends.
Once she reaches the top, she gets a big reality check, and her backstabbing ways bring a lot of bad things her way. Nomi finds herself in some nasty predicaments and it's up to her to set things right.

It already sounds tacky enough, but seriously, you need to see it to believe it. Amidst the sleazy storyline, we have ridiculously laughable one liners, awful acting and some of the most unsexiest dancing on Earth. Oddly enough though, it all seems to WORK in the films favour. It's a giant mish mosh of memorable scenes and characters that you want to keep watching no matter how stupid it all seems.Showgirls has become a cult classic for a reason, and it's because it truly is ONE OF A KIND. You won't find anything like it. It's a pop culture STAPLE of cinema, and it's got a massive world wide fan base.
The movie bombed at the box office and got awful reviews back in the day. On video however, it ended up making a whopping $100 million dollars. That's the type of market it was made for, the sleazy cult video market. Similar to all those 80's horror films that found success in local video stores back in the day, Showgirls became the perfect at home guilty pleasure for people looking to be entertained by crazy one liners and soft core porn nudity. The viewers wanted to hate it, but they couldn't. The movie was so ridiculous, but people couldn't look away! It was an unstoppable video force! It was labeled the worst best film of the 90's.

Once DVD launched in the early 2000's, Showgirls had another great run with home viewing. It's had 3 different released since it launched on DVD and will most likely have a few more down the line. One version of the DVD even came in a specially packaged box that featured playing cards, shot glasses and a "pin the tassel on the breast" wall game. An entire movie experience has been created around this movie, drinking games, friend gatherings, it's the ultimate party movie.

As an avid fan of the film, i make an effort to watch it annually. And every time i slip it into my DVD player and press play, i have a ball all over again. It never seems to get old, in fact, it just gets better and better. Every time i meet a person who's never seen it before, and i know they may find the magic in it, i let them borrow it..........and without fail, they are mesmerized by it. Sure, it's for all the wrong reasons, but that's the magic of Showgirls!
Even critics over the years have warmed up to the pop culture impact that this film has made. Quentin Tarantino himself labeled it a success as "the only exploitation film made by MGMT in the last 20 years", and we all know how much he loves those types of films.

It's ironic how some movies live on forever as some of the greatest works cinema has ever seen, and others take on their OWN unique brand of infamy and live on as cult classics. Showgirls is one of those creations, and it will be brilliant and stupid until the end of time.

If you want a little more, check out the Podcast for Showgirls i did with fellow Showgirls fan Marcey, here.