Saturday, October 31, 2009

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #11The Exorcist [1973]
Directed by: William Friedkin
Starring: Linda Blair, Ellen Burstyn, Max Von Sydow

" Is there someone inside you? "

Oooooooh, cover your eyes bitches, it's The Exorcist!!!!! The greatest horror film ever made!!!!! THERE, I FUCKING SAID IT!!!!! It scared the panties off me as a kid and it still CHILLS me to my bone now days. It's one of those movies you grew up knowing about. You wait and wait until you get to an age where you can FINALLY feel brave enough to see it, and when you do, BAM!!!! it's CREEP central! for most people anyway.

This was one of those movies i used to rent when i was a teen and i'd get creeped out even HOLDING the movie in my hands at the video store. As usual with horror VHS rental tapes, it was old, looked like it had been in 600 peoples houses and stank of plastic. That just added to the creep factor though. Speaking of creep factor, anyone notice how the horror section in video stores always seemed eerily quiet. It's a genre that's an acquired taste, so it was never booming with customers. It always seemed like such a "forbidden" section to be in. I loved that.

The Exorcist follows the story of a young girl named Regan [played perfectly by Linda Blair], who finds a Oujie board in her new house and starts playing with it. She tells her mother [Ellen Burstyn] that she talks to a spirit by using the board named Captain Howdy. Her Mother assumes Regan is just messing about as troublesome teenagers do, and she laughs it off. Soon though, Regan starts acting a little "strange"..........and by strange, what i really mean is, completely and utterly FUCKED UP! Her bed shakes uncontrollably, she starts speaking in tongues, she stabs her pussy with a crucifix and she even pisses on the floor like a cow.

OBVIOUSLY these aren't exactly NORMAL things people do, so Regan's Mother sends her to a few doctors to run some tests. After a whole bunch of hideous testing, the doctors come to realize that they can't actually diagnose her with they recommend more of an, unorthodox form of treatment for the girl. To her Mother's surprise, she is told to visit a church to get the help of an Exorcist. It's at this church that Regan's Mother meets Father Merrin, a young Priest, who's never performed an exorcism in his life, but who decides to offer his help to a very desperate and emotional Mother trying to save her haunted daughter.
Once Merrin enters the house, the shit well and truly hits the fan! Regan is walking backwards on her hands and feet down stairs, making her head spin 360 degrees, swearing and vomiting her way through all hours of the day and night. Merrin and Regan's Mother realize they're in way over their heads, so they seek the help of a skilled Exorcist named Father Karras, who coincidentally came head to head with the demon inside Regan many years ago.
What happens next is a whole lot of crazy demonic possession, and 3 people fighting to save the life of a girl who may not live much longer if the demon inside her kills her.

Most people who are reading this have most likely already seen this movie. Some of you however may not have, and it all may seem a little.......over the top. Obviously, it is. The makers of this film didn't hold back at all when it came to what they showed on screen. When they say "a girl gets possessed", they really fucking mean POSSESSED!
Even though the movie is over the top with abusive language "stick your cock up her ass you mother fucking worthless COCKSUCKER!", there is still a lot of strong atmosphere in the film that really takes you in and makes you suspend belief and just accept what it is that your seeing. Don't get me wrong, if you've had a few drinks, you may find yourself giggling at a few of the lines Regan throws at you. But there's not denying how creepy and unsettling some of the scenes can be, and it's the more quieter moments in the film that really showcase that.

The acting in this movie is SUPERB! Ellen Burstyn is perfect as Regan's Mother, and Linda Blair is REALLY good in her role as Regan. She was so young when this movie was made, i can't believe some of the stuff they asked her to do in this. How does a young kid play something SO dark? incredible. That's one thing about these 2 characters in this film, they have a very close Mother/Daughter relationship, so when things go bad, you really feel for Regan's Mom.

The version of the film i'm talking about is the one dubbed "The Version You've Never Seen". This was released in cinemas in 2001, and featured a few added scenes as well as some tweaked existing scenes. Some fans of the original film feel that some of the new additions [mainly involving a demonic face that pops up every so often] were unnecessary......personally, i liked every new addition they added to the re-release, i wish they added even MORE to be honest. I could watch this movie for 3 hours!

If you've never seen this before, go rent it, put it in your DVD player, turn off ALL the lights, turn the volume up full blast and cuddle yourself in your seat.
When this movie first opened in 1973, it had people fainting in horror in the cinema isles. Although it may not have the exact same impact today, there's no denying that the movie for most people, is one of the creepiest films ever made. It's very evil.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Box [2009]
Starring: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden
Directed by: Richard Kelly


James and Cameron play a married couple who get given a unique box by a stranger who tells them if they press the button on the box, they'll get a million dollars. The catch is, in order to get the money, a person they don't know, anywhere in the world, will die. Can they live with that on their conscience?

Erm, really to describe the movie since i got a headache trying to wrap my brain around every part of what the hell this thing was all about.
It's a slow burning movie, so if you're looking for something fast paced and exciting, you'll probably be really bored. It has a similar tone to the The Invasion and those old skool mystery sci fi flicks. In fact, it was a lot more sci fi than i expected.
There's a nice slow build up and mystery around everything that's happening for most of the films running time. In fact, you pretty much have NO IDEA what ANYTHING means until you get to the final 15 minutes. And even then it still didn't make as much sense as i would have liked. They throw it all onto you in one long go, so it gets a bit messy and a lot of random things happen that don't get any explanation at all. You just have to accept it as "weird stuff" because of the storyline.

It's cast well, the story itself is interesting, and the reveal itself is something i wouldn't have guessed either. It did kind of leave me feeling a bit "oh....ok", at the end. I felt as if the ending should have shocked me in some way, or given me more to chew on, but it just felt like an over long reveal that told me what i needed to know, but in slightly anti climatic way. The story never really lifts off the ground as much as i wanted it to.

Overall, it was enjoyable, but not for everyone. It also didn't need to be as long as it was. It's not the type of movie you could watch over and over, and it's not really something you need to run to the cinemas to see. Dvd would be enough for this thing.

It's memorable because it's SO fucking WEIRD. But in other ways, it's also kinda forgettable as well.

It was decent.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

My Favourite Films Of ALL TIME! #10
Labyrinth [1986]
Directed by: Jim Henson
Starring: David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly

"You have no power over me."

It's a rare thing when a childhood movie stays with you for your whole life. Labyrinth is one of those movies. There are many films from my childhood i still adore, but there are only a few that truly have a certain SOMETHING else about them. Something so unique and special, that they stay in your heart forever. Corny right? i know.....but fuck it, when it's magic, it's magic, and Labyrinth is fucking MAGIC.

Here's the story....

Young, innocent, bushy 80's eye brow teenager, Sarah [Jennifer Connelly] is left to babysit her annoying baby step brother, Toby. During a huge baby cry fest, Sarah tries to silence Toby by reciting a riddle to him. It's a riddle from one of Sarah's favourite fantasy books, which she doesn't realize holds REAL power. To Sarah's shock, not only does the riddle make Toby shut up, but it also makes him disappear all together!
Sarah soon finds out that the evil, but charismatic Goblin King, Jareth [played by Bowie] has kidnapped Toby and is holding him captive in the Goblin City in another dimension. Unfortunately for Sarah, the Goblin City lies on the other side of a giant magical labyrinth. The Goblin King sets her a task, solve the labyrinth in 13 hours, and Toby is hers again. Fail, and Toby belongs to the Goblin King forever!. Unknown to Sarah, the Goblin King is going to purposely try and make her fail so he can use his seductive ways to charm her into staying with him as his Queen in his Goblin Realm. Basically, the labyrinth is gonna be a BITCH to solve. And if she can try and not listen to her craving pussy when it comes to Jareth, she may make it out with her step brother as planned.

I dunno about you, but that's some serious fucking awesome story telling right there! I mean, LOOK at that movie poster! fucken A!

Labyrinth is the type of kids movie that will be watched for years to come. Nearly 25 years on, and the people who grew up with this movie are now showing it to their kids. On DVD it's a big seller, and it gets a new release every few years. It's even JUST hit Blu ray!.
It's a classic movie that doesn't wear thin no matter how old it gets. I suppose that's due to Jim Henson, the worlds most famous puppeteer, who produced and Directed the movie. If you don't know Jim Henson, that's kinda fucked up. He isn't a big player anymore since he passed away, but 25 years ago Jim Henson was as big as Disney. He's most famous for The Muppets series, you know, Kermit, Miss Piggy ect...............EVERYONE knows those characters, so if you don't know Jim, then you would know some of his creations.
As well as the awesome puppet work in the movie, there's a GREAT soundtrack thanks to the genius David Bowie, who sings a few songs in the movie. The film is a musical, but the numbers are so good, it doesn't distract from the rest of the movie. There aren't THAT many songs either, so if musicals aren't your thing, don't worry, there's plenty of dialog. I can't help but clap furiously when Bowie breaks out to DANCE MAGIC!, or feel nostalgic when i hear the opening number 'Underground', or the beautiful 'As The World Falls Down'. That song features in my favourite scene from the movie. It's a beautiful ballroom scene which takes place inside a crystal ball nightmare where Sarah is seduced by the mysterious Bowie. The costume Sarah wears is LEGENDARY! If i ever go to a costume party and see a chic in that, i'll know EXACTLY who she's dressed as. Sigh.

An interesting thing about this film is that there's a mildly sexual aspect to Sarah and Jared's relationship. Underneath the pretty puppets and catchy songs is a story about a young girls growing sexuality. It was obvious to me even as a kid. Jareth has an odd fascination with Sarah, he actually really wants her illegal pussy. And she's no sweetie pie either, she becomes completely over taken by his desire for her. They flirt like crazy, it's actually kinda hot! haha. After seeing Bowie's character in the movie, you may think "hot?"..........but trust me, there's chemistry between the characters and Bowie's portrayal is unexpectedly provocative. Bowie is great in this actually, he's a good actor.

One other thing that may stand out to you in this movie, is something a little unexpected. It's Bowie's BULGE!...............yes, that soft little bump all men have in their crotch region! "Why?" do you ask?...........let's just say, wearing TIGHTS when you're "well endowed" only accentuates what lies between the viewer and a thin piece of cloth covering their DICK! ha. Even as a kid his bulge stood out to me like crazy. Ask anyone who's seen the movie, they'll laugh and echo my exact words.

As usual with most of the childrens films i like, this isn't JUST a movie kids can enjoy, all you older bitches can love it too. Sure there's the amazing nostalgia attached to it from my end [and many other people], but seriously, you can enjoy this movie no matter what your age is. All you need is a big imagination and being open to 80's fantasy AWESOMENESS.

I've never met anyone who hates this film, so if you ever watch it and dislike it..............GO TO FUCKING HELL AND DIE YOU HEARTLESS LOST CHILDHOOD CUNT!.

Bless you xx.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Top 10 Albums of The 90's
Since the last decade will be over once 2010 hits, i started thinking about what 10 albums made the most impact on me over the last 10 years [which will go into a list i'll be posting on here sometime next year]. It got me thinking about the previous decade we had also, the decade i grew up in and am heavily influenced by, the 90's.
So here's my top 10 albums of the 90's, it was a tight race for a few choices, but i managed to pull a list out that was pretty good......

10. Janet Jackson The Velvet Rope [1997]
The album isn't perfect from start to finish, there are a couple duds. But the overall tone of the album is REALLY nice, very mature and beautifully produced. Creatively it's Janet at her best, and it was the best "look" she had too. It's a mellow album for the most part, but there are enough mid tempo beats in there to cruise the songs along without getting boring. Let's not forget the interlude called "Speaker Phone" which features Janet masturbating on the phone while talking to Lisa Marie, lmao, hmmmmm.
It's a shame her output has been kinda average since then. She was once very cool.
Best tracks: Go Deep, What About, Velvet Rope.

9. Moby Play [1999]
One of the most influential dance acts of the 90's finally hit it big with his 'Play' album. This album takes me waaaaay back, such a great nostalgic trip. The album took over the world when it was released, it was everywhere. If you aren't familiar with it, chances are you've heard many of his songs in movies over the years and don't know it. Moby mixed house beats with gospel vocals, a style that became his signature. 'Porcelain' is one of the most beautiful songs i've ever heard.
Best tracks: Machete, Why Does My Heart Feel So Sad, Run, Porcelain.

8. No Doubt Tragic Kingdom [1995]
If there's one music genre i kinda hate, it's Ska. No Doubt made it listenable to me though, mostly because their songs were SO catchy and mixed with other styles. The lead single 'Just A Girl' was a big obsession of mine when it was released, and the rest of the album made a big impact too. When i think 90's, No Doubt are one of the first things that pop into my mind. Their other albums are great too, but this one is their most consistent.
Best tracks: Don't Speak, Are You Happy Now?, Sunday Morning, Just A Girl.

7. Def FX Majick [1995]
99% of you will most likely NOT know this band or album, but that's understandable.....they're a local Aussie act. They're an industrial group who hit it big with this album after being an indie act for a while. Some REALLY great metal/industrial tracks on this, all led by a real life Wicca [aka: Witch] named Fiona Horn. Synths, guitars,'s kinda Nine Inch Nails in places. Old skool, yo!
Best tracks: Mind In Mine, God Rod, Hymn To Her, Majick.

6. Garbage Garbage [1995]
Who doesn't like Garbage???? they were MASSIVE in the 90's. They had a trademark sound and singer Shirley Manson became a God to her fans. Their debut [which is the one i'm writing about] is perfect from start to finish. It's the only album of there's that doesn't have ONE bad track on it. Fans toggle between this album and their second one, Version 2.0 [which is also good], as far as favourites go. For me, this one is the one i seem to re-visit the most.
Best tracks: Milk, Happy When It Rains, Vow, Stupid Girl.

5. Marilyn Manson Mechanical Animals [1998]
Manson has been a favourite of mine for years. I grew up on a lot of his stuff, and i still adore it. This album was Manson at his best. It's the perfect mix of metal and electronica, and the era probably features his wildest look [he had tits for fucks sake!]. It's a beautifully dark album, really deep synthy base lines and heavy guitars. The great thing about Manson is that as well as doing some awesome loud tracks, he can write a great ballad too, and there's some great ones on here. He can surprise you too, on the track 'I Don't Like The Drugs', he goes gospel. Ha!
Best tracks: The Dope Show, Coma White, Speed Of Pain, I Don't Like The Drugs.

4. Bjork Post [1995]
The 'Post' album cover is SUCH a massive symbol of the 90's. Every time i see it i know exactly which decade it came from. It was a hard choice picking which album of hers would make this list, she had 3, and i toggle between them quite a bit as far as which is strongest. Her 3rd album of the bunch 'Homogenic' is probably her most impressive production wise, but i feel 'Post' showcases her at her most accessible and quirky. It's a good mix of commercial and indie. Hyper Ballad is one of the best songs ever made.
Best tracks: Army of Me, Enjoy, Possibly Maybe, Hyper Ballad.

3. Hole Live Through This [1994]
This was a tough choice, i had to pick between this album and their one after this, 'Celebrity Skin'. They're both good for different reasons, but i think this album is the more influential and probably has the better hooks. It's very raw sounding, not as polished as the following album, but that's where it gets it's charm i think. Not one crap song on the record. Perfect.
Best tracks: Doll Parts, Violet, Rock Star, Jennifer's Body.

2. Nine Inch Nails The Downward Spiral [1994]
One of the most influential albums of the 90's. NIN and it's singer/creator Trent Reznor were the leaders of industrial music in the early 90's. The album is a MONSTER of a record, it's insane from start to finish. Loud, angry, dark and sexy. I'm SO glad i grew up on this album, it opened me up to industrial music and made me fall in love with the genre. I was playing this shit when i was 10! isn't that badass!?. NIN are still around and still producing great music, they've never topped this album though, it's just TOO MUCH. Fucking amazing.
Best tracks: Reptile, Closer, Heresy, A Warm Place.

1. Madonna Ray of Light [1998]
My precious Madonna. To the 80's kiddies, Like A Prayer was her big Golden moment, to the later generation of fans, Ray of Light is what turned a lot of them into fans. I've been a fan since i can remember though, i grew up on Madonna. After missing in action for 4 years, she came back in the late 90's and blew everyones eye balls out with ROL. Mature, beautifully produced, and a completely different side of Madonna we'd never seen before. I hate using the word, but it's very "lush". The album takes you on a journey. It's still her best album after 25 years imo.

Honorable mentions:

Portishead Dummy
Souxsie & The Banshees: Twice Upon A Time: The Singles
TLC Fan Mail

fin ;)

Friday, October 9, 2009

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #9
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring [2001]
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Starring: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Cate Blanchette

"You carry the fate of us all, little one."

My oh my! No favourite film list is complete without a mention of The Lord of the Rings [LOTR for short]! Technically, i'd include ALL 3 films in this post, but....since it was a trilogy, i'll actually PICK one just to be specific. There were 3 films in total, and i guess the obvious choice to go with would be the last movie, The Return of the King. That's where the story hits it's climax, where everything comes to an end, and where the battles get the biggest. Most people tend to go for that one. I love all 3 films equally, but for me, the first movie, Fellowship, is the one that i seem to revisit the most.

The overall plot for the trilogy goes something like this: An evil warlord from the past named Sauron wants to wage war against the peaceful lands of Middle Earth once again. The power to do this lies within a tiny gold ring which was forged many years ago between the races of people in Middle Earth. In order to stop Sauron's return, a group of people working for the forces of good must band together and trek their way through Middle Earth towards Mount Doom where they can throw the ring into the lava pits, destroying it forever.
In Fellowship of the Ring, we see the introduction of these characters and the beginning of their journey throughout Middle Earth. Don't think just because it's the first chapter, that it's light on the adventure, it isn't, i assure you!

I think Fellowship was the perfect mix of all 3 films. It had a nice mix of light and dark, where as The Two Towers [part 2] and Return of the King [part 3] tended to just get darker in tone as they went along. There's an innocence in the beginning of Fellowship which i really like seeing, and considering just HOW BIG this story is, the build up of introductions in Fellowship really excites me because it works as a teaser for what's coming up in the other 2 films.

There are so many great moments in Fellowship. I hadn't actually read the books when i saw this movie for the first time [i still haven't], so it was all coming at me with virgin eyes, and i was LOVING it. Once the evil Nazgul [those scary cloaked horsemen] arrive in lil' ol' Hobbiton, i was on the edge of my seat. That was topped soon after once Frodo [Elijah Wood] and the other Hobbits were confronted by the Nazgul again during an overnight sleep on a hill top with Aragorn [Viggo Mortensen]. Poor Frodo gets his little shoulder stabbed, and we also get a chance to see what the Nazgul look like WITHOUT their black hoods on. Pretty cool stuff.The stand out moment from the entire movie for me however was the Orc battle in the Mines of Moria. Shit on me!!!! what an epic fucking display! Not only do we get the Fellowship battling it out with giant Trolls, but we also have thousands of Orcs scaling pillars and walls, coming in for the kill so they can get their hands on a meaty piece of "man flesh"!!!. Just when you think it can't get any more dangerous, the Fellowship are then faced with battling the fiery BALROG [sp?] as they rush across the Bridge of Khaza Dum to safety. That creature was fucking BADASS! the whole thing was made of shadow and fire, the digital work on that thing was beautiful!

The most controversial part of this movie was a scene involving Liv Tyler's character, Arwen. Basically, her scene belonged to another character in the book, so fans were pissed off. Maybe if i was a massive fan of the books, i'd have been offended by this change in character as well, but to be honest, it's one of my favourite moments in the entire trilogy. SOMEONE had to rescue Frodo! and if the character who was supposed to do the job wasn't in the film to do it, well....hand it over to Arwen then, no biggie. She looked cool doing it anyway, but then......i have a soft spot for chics with weapons too so....ha!

It had been a LONG time since we saw a truly epic fantasy adventure film before LOTR came along. They were so big in the 80's, and that genre seemed to die out in the 90's. It was a genre i LOVED as a kid, so to see what most people consider to be the greatest fantasy books on screen after so many years of fantasy free cinema, was a real buzz for me.
These films became an annual event for a lot of people, for 3 years i anticipated the next chapter. It was a great movie experience seeing these on the big screen. They're instant classics, the types of movies that people will watch 100 years from now. They have that special magic about them. I revisit them ever few years and it's a blast watching them over and over as time goes on. I never get sick of them and i wish they were even longer than they already were.
Props to Peter Jackson for pulling off what many people thought was impossible.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #8The Doom Generation [1995]
Directed by: Gregg Araki
Starring: Rose McGowan, James Duvall, Johnathon Schaech

"That'll be, Six Sixty Six"

Gregg Araki isn't well known amongst people who don't watch a lot of indie cinema. He's made some angsty classics though, most of them in the 90's. In fact, in my opinion, his movies are ESSENTIAL viewing for ANYONE who grew up in the 90's. His last film is his most critically acclaimed and well known, Mysterious Skin. Doom Generation is a bit more of a low key event though, and you'll find many people who haven't seen it, or even heard of it.

The movie follows teenage couple, Amy [Rose McGowan] and Jordan [James Duvall]. They spend most of their time hating the world and going to punk clubs. They take a road trip one night and unfortunately cross paths with an eccentric, horny and head shooting hitchhiker named, Xavier [Johnathon Schaech], who is INSANELY hot may i add.
Jordan warms up to him instantly, Amy however becomes very hateful of Xavier's ridiculous behavior, AND is madly attracted to him at the same time. Xavier quickly sets off on his merry way, much to Amy's delight, but they meet again not long after when Amy and Jordan are held up at gun point by a store clerk, who then gets his head shot off by Xavier who rescues them. Soon they're on the run from the law, bumping into the most retarded psycho freaks you'd ever meet on the road, and trying to cope with a threesome relationship that's starting to get a little TOO disastrous for their own good.

There's 2 things about Araki that stand out the most in his films: One, is his love for all sorts of SIGNAGE. He always has bold words, warning messages and big signs on walls, chairs, cars and other assorted objects in ALL his films.
Secondly, his unique dialog. The script is filled with hilarious lines and quirks. Rose McGowan's wobbly style of acting is perfect for the way these lines need to be delivered. She has a blast with them.
Most of the swearing and funny insults are left for Amy, "Look, you fucking chunky pumpkinhead! I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!". Xavier get's all the dirty talk, since he's so oversexed and inappropriate, "Come on, sniff my finger and tell me it doesn't smell like your girlfriend's sweet, juicy snatch". While poor innocent Jordan is left with lines that any philosophical stoner could recite, "I love you" can mean a lot of things... like "you'll do 'till someone better comes along," or "I can't describe how I really feel but I know that I'm supposed to say this," or "Shut up, I'm watching TV." The three of them together are just insane!

I've seen this movie countless times over the years. I even loved it back when i FIRST saw it in 1996, when i was only 12! It still holds up today for me and it's one of those movies you WISH more people have seen so they could understand what the hell you're talking about when you tell them to "eat my fuck". It's typical Araki, low budget, and filled with sex and violence. I love it.

Kudos to Araki for opening the film with a Nine Inch Nails track too. Badass!