Sunday, December 27, 2009

It only feels like yesterday that i was doing my 2008 list. It's been a bit of a mixed bag this year for music and movies. Some great stuff, some average stuff, some shit stuff. Here it all is....

10. Paloma Faith Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?
Last year came Duffy [who i love], and this year came Paloma Faith. She has an amazing voice. Amy Whinehouse had a great voice too, but one thing she lacked for me were hooks in her songs. Duffy has the hooks, and so does Paloma.
Best track: New York.

09. Muse The Resistance
Muse have always been very hit and miss to me. I've enjoyed a few of their songs, but this is the first full album i've purchased by them. It's very "grand" in places. They've experimented a little.
Best track: Undisclosed Desires.

08. Marilyn Manson The High End Of Low
I enjoyed his last album [Eat Me Drink Me], but this new one is a better overall product. The album is a bit overlong, but he knows how to write some GREAT melodies.
Best track: Four Rusted Horses.

07. Alicia Keys The Element of Freedom
Four albums into her career and she still can't seem t0 get it wrong. There's less piano here when compared to her other records. The 80's r&b vibe suits her voice. I love Alicia Keys!
Best track: Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart.

06. t.A.T.u. Waste Management
They released the Russian version of this last year, and it had some decent songs on it. This English version however is MUCH better, and it came in an epic TRANSCENDED version that featured an intro to every track. It turned it into a much more meatier album.
Best track: Fly On The Wall.

05. The Twilight Saga: New Moon Original Soundtrack
If there's on thing Twilight haters can all agree on, it's that the movie soundtracks from the film series have been REALLY good. New Moon is the best soundtrack i've heard in a LONG time.
Best track: Hearing Damage - Thom Yorke

04. Yeah Yeah Yeahs It's Blitz
Not sure if it's there best album, i'm still torn between this one and their last record [Show Your Bones]. Overtime though, i think this may become my favourite by them. It's a grower.
Best track: Heads Will Roll.

03. Lady GaGa The Fame Monster
One year after The Fame, the world wanted MORE! so GaGa gave it!!!!! The mini Monster album is a good mix of trademark GaGa melodies, as well as giving us some great new sounds that we haven't heard from her before. Love her!

02. Peaches I Feel Cream
I played the SHIT out of this album ALL year. She should collaborate more often with other artists, it worked really well on this album.
Best track: Talk To Me.

01. Gossip Music For Men
I've always liked a bit of Gossip over the years. This album is what sealed the deal for me though. Every song on the album is perfect, and every hook plays over and over in your brain till you want to EXPLODE. They've created a very original sound for themselves. Beth Ditto is God.
Best track: 4 Letter Word

Honorable mentions:
Florence + The Machine - Lungs
Fever Ray - Self Titled
Rihanna - Rated R
30 Seconds To Mars - This Is War
Little Boots - Hands

Chris Cornell Scream
Yes, SCREAM indeed. The biggest WTF! moment in music this year belongs to THIS album. Chris dropped his rock sound for a Timbaland produced urban/pop/rock mess of an album. His fans ran in horror [or laughed], the critics burnt the album alive, and it didn't even make a pond ripple upon it's release. It has literally vanished into the abyss it came from. A utter piece of shit that confuses and amazes me at the same time. What next? Justin Timberlake releases a death metal record?. Chris Ohwell.

Flo Rida Roots
You know what i think of when i imagine ROOTS? Long hard wooden tree legs that STAB into the ground. That's what listening to Flo Rida is like. STABBING IN MY EARS. He's another one of those SHAGGY style rappers [remember Shaggy, lol] who knows how to write a catchy hook, but creates music to go along with it that makes you want to rip the skin off your face in some sort of graphic bloody manner. No Rida.

Brooke Hogan The Redemption
I was almost NOT going to include this. It's just so pointless to bash something that's SO obviously wanting to be slaughtered. It's an album full of songs Britney rejected. In fact, even Britney would laugh at this TRY HARD DESPERATE attempt of a record. I honestly can't even describe it. Don't EVER bother with it. How Brooke even managed to work with ANYONE to make this album is beyond me. Guess some producers will do anything for a bit of cash. Brooke NOgan.
20. Scars Basement Jaxx
There's always a bit of room for some Jaxx!....AND Kelis, who's on guest vocals.

19. New York Paloma Faith
Forget Amy Whinehouse, Duffy and Paloma do it better. Pretty song.

18. 4 Letter Word Gossip
Any of their new songs could have made it here, i fucking love this band.

17. Sexy Bitch David Guetta
It's best enjoyed full blast and in the company of 1000 sweaty people.

16. Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart Alicia Keys
A bit of a departure for Alicia. Got a bit of an 80's vibe to it. One of her best songs.

15. Gifted N.A.S.A.
This song is EPIC, but the album they churned out along with it was a fucking shitty mess. Don't take this track as an indicator of what the rest of the debut album sounds like.

14. Symmetry Little Boots
If you like Human League, you'll like this.

13. Hearing Damage Thom Yorke
Dark and moody. On VERY heavy rotation.

12. World Go Round Busta Rhymes
Impossible to listen to without turning up full blast.

11. Boom Boom Pow The Black Eyed Peas
We can thank Daft Punk for this. Crazy, crazy, bass line.

10. Howl Florence + The Machine
There were a few Florence tracks which could have made this spot, but i went with the one i listened to the most.

09. Change Daniel Merriweather
The album didn't live up to this song unfortunately, but whatever, still a great song. Plus, it's always cool seeing an Aussie release something decent.

08. Pearl's Dream Bat For Lashes
I've wanted to include a Lashes track in my top 20 for a while now, but i always seem to run out of room. Not this year though!!!!! beautiful song.

07. Heads Will Roll Yeah Yeah Yeahs
This track was the best one off their 2009 record. Great video too.

06. Tigerlily La Roux
While everyone went nuts over 'Bulletproof', i fell in love with this.

05. Undisclosed Desires Muse
Great song. You can never go wrong with synths.

04. The Day We Fell Apart Kelly Clarkson
This song was RIDICULOUSLY placed onto the album track listing as a bonus song. It's the best thing she's done.

03. Talk To Me Peaches
Very grimy and dirty sounding, much like Peaches herself.

02. Ignorance Paramore
Their 2009 album was a bit of a let down, but it did feature a few great tracks on it. This was the best one. ParaMORE!

01. Bad Romance Lady GaGa
Not only is this her best track, but it's also become my favourite pop song of the last 10 years!. Creepy, loud, sexy, it's perfect!. It never gets old.

Round Round Flo Rida
Round Round, in my fucking head, none stop, like torture. Someone stop him, please!

Kiss U Thru The Phone Soulja Boy
I'm sure i spelled this idiots name wrong. Everything he does is wrong though, so who cares really. Kiss You Through The Phone? is this shit serious? and people loved this too, fucking hell. Smack you with a phone is more like it.

I Gotta Feeling The Black Eyed Peas
The most annoying song of 2009. I want to punch the radio every time i hear it. It was a massive single, yet i can't find ONE person who likes it? WHO IS BUYING IT?

Devilicious Nikki Webster
Many of you may not know her. She's an ex Aussie child singer who reached puberty and thought she'd sing a Britney song from 1998 in a Christina Aguilera style video to show us all how grown up she has become. It's embarrassing and crap in every way possible. It's also not very sexy. I'm all for guilty pleasures, but anyone who likes this is seriously an asshole.

We Are Golden Mika
Someone tell this dumb twat to shut his mouth. Awful. And while you're at it, cut that stupid curly bouncy hairdo. Mikunt.

Good Girls Gone Bad Cobra Starship
Worst song of 2009 for me. Annoying lyrics, punchable lead singer, and a ridiculously pointless cameo from some Gossip Girl moron. FUCK OFF COBRA STARSHIT!

BEST: Lady GaGa Bad Romance
A nice example of what you can do with a massive budget.Weird and sexy.
Honorable mentions: Peaches - Talk To Me, Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll.

WORST: Chris Brown I Can Transform You
Hilariously stupid. It's a complete mess. What IS this video meant to be? robots, ninjas, geisha's? riiiiight. I don't know what's worse, people turning into cars, or Chris flipping around nun chucks for some random reason. It's like he watched too many Sasha Fierce and Lady GaGa videos and then tried to make his own, only.....he lacks the style and imagination to pull it off.
2009 has been one of the most "fascinating" cinema years i've had. You rarely come across movies that not only entertain you, but also heighten your viewing experience in a unique way. Martyrs, Avatar and Paranormal Activity are 3 movies this year that have been some of the most exciting times i've had at the cinema. They took me some place new, and that's what fascinates me most about movies. They have the ability to transport me somewhere else and give me an EXPERIENCE. Paranormal Activity i couldn't get out of my mind for WEEKS, Martyrs shocked my senses, and Avatar was a visual assault on my eye balls. They're ALL here...

10. Where The Wild Things Are
Starring: James Gandolfini
It's not for kids, in fact, it's a bit trippy and they wouldn't understand the message behind the movie. Great for adults though, very sweet.

09. Inglorious Basterds
Starring: Brad Pitt, Eli Roth
Who DOESN'T like Quentin Tarantino? i'll tell you who........NOBODY!. Some people think this is the only film he's done that's comes close to PULP FICTION standards, maybe it is, maybe it isn't, either way, it's badass.

08. Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince
Starring: Daniel Radcliff, Helena Bonham Carter
I've always enjoyed the HP movies. This has been the best one so far. I can see why some fans were split on it, it's very dark. It's my kinda style though. POTT ON!

07. Jennifer's Body
Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried

I love Diablo Cody, so there's no surprise that i enjoyed her writing in this. It's funny, sexy and gory. One of those movies you can easily watch over and over.

06. Drag Me To Hell
Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long
I love a good horror comedy. I revisited this a second time this year and i was happy to see it was even better second time around. Gross and funny at the same time.

05. Paranormal Activity
Starring: Some tubby girl and some guy
The most interesting movie experience i had this year. Had me on the edge of my seat. Creepy, realistic and VERY memorable. Deserved all the hype it got.

04. The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Starring: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart
I was surprisingly entertained from start to finish with this. The direction and music elevated it to a completely different level for me. Some great new additions to the cast as well. Now for Eclipseeeee!!!

03. Avatar
Starring: Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver
Mind blowingly epic and huge in every way possible. Technically, it's like nothing you've seen before, like an orgasm for the eyes. Story wise, it's nothing to be amazed by, but it has a nice message and the world James Cameron created is so immersible. It needs to be seen in IMAX 3D. Great fun.

02. Watchmen
Starring: Billy Crudup, Malin Akerman
You'll either get this, or you won't, it's not for everyone. It's intelligent, it's faithful to the comic book and it's AMAZINGLY shot by Zac Snyder. Complex and interesting, i loved it.

01. Martyrs
Starring: Some French chics
Starts off as a straight forward gore movie. Then it unfolds and turns into something a lot more interesting. There are so many deeper meanings behind
the film, and at certain times, it's an incredibly powerful movie experience. It's so horrific, it almost becomes beautiful in it's own sick way. It's hard to explain, and it's not for everyone. People either love it or hate it. Personally, i think it's a masterpiece.

Honorable mentions:

- District 9
- Let The Right One In
- Bruno
- Whip It

500 Days of Summer
I wanted to like it, but it was too pretentious for it's own good. It also featured HUGELY unlikeable characters, especially Summer, who was a right twat!. I can see the appeal, but honestly, it just rubbed me up the wrong way. In fact, i kinda hated it.

A movie that should be retitled ABORTION. Boring run of the mill "creepy kid" movie with a twist that is SO ridiculous, it's amazing people even BOUGHT INTO IT. Laughably silly.

A movie starring Beyonce, produced by Beyonce's Dad, and featuring the music of Beyonce. It's a lame vanity project that starts off surprisingly well, and slowly turns into a cliched laugh fest filled with every stalker movie cliche you can think of, and a laughably cheesy "girl on girl" bitch fight where both female leads go from timid every day women, to roof top kicking super bitches. The final shot of the film is a random zoom in on Beyonce's face which may as well have had a scrolling text saying "buy my album" across the screen. Desperate and cheesy.

Heidie Mongtage and Spencer The Pratt are two of the mot vapid idiots the media has ever set it's lenses on. This year, we saw Heidick try and launch her much delayed [thankfully] music career. We saw our first glimpse of it when her block faced boyfriend, The Pratt, filmed a music video for his brain dead girlfriend called Black Out. The video featured Heidumb rolling around in a bikini at a pool side. The song was utter shit, and 90% of the video budget went to filling Heidingbat's tits with silicone. Did they honestly think this shit would sell?
Then came Heidong's debut stage performance at some random pageant show. She mimed her way through the song and danced badly. Honestly, it's like i'm watching a pop star from 1998. Times have changed Heidingle my sweet, we already have one BRITNEY, and she does it a lot better than you do.
There was also The Pratt's claims about Heidump being the next MADONNA, and being better than Lady GaGa. Funnily enough, when The Pratt and Mongtit's were seen at a Lady GaGa gig earlier this year, they were pelted with glow sticks and were forced to leave the venue after only one song.
Aside from failed attempts at having careers, these two retards show their HUGELY hideous mugs on red carpets around America and talk a lot of shit. Most of the shit comes from The Pratt's humorously triangular shaped mouth, which seems to open and close at a rapid rate as it release fecal matter after fecal matter. Does he honestly think anyone cares? does Heidope honestly think people find her attractive? does Pratt not realize he has a hilarious President like hair do and punchable face? do people HONESTLY like these 2 idiots? because oddly enough, they do have SOME fans. Most of the people who like them tend to be The Hills fans anyway, and that doesn't say much does it?

They are the most pointless and unlikeable couple in the world. I would give them this award every year for the rest of my life if i could.

See Heidick's crap 'Black Out' video here

Let's get one thing straight, kids are bastards. I don't usually like them, and when i do, they need to be well behaved and polite. Every so often though, a child comes along, that is so amazing, i can't help but bask in it's kiddie splendor!
Balloon Boy is a lying little cunt who joined forces with his parents to pretend that he was trapped in a floating helium balloon. It was all over world news! cameras followed the balloon as it crossed the skies, and everyone feared for Balloon Boy's safety. While the world waited for the poor Balloon Boy to be saved, he was sucking his thumb and laughing at the stupid adults on TV from his basement.
I know what you're all saying, "but the parents forced him to do it!"...............bullshit!. Kids are some of the most evil creatures on Earth, he knew EXACTLY what he was doing!. The kid doesn't care, he knew he would get away with it because he's a tiny person. His parents who devised the whole plan took the wrap.

I take my hat off to you Balloon Boy, child mastermind extraordinaire!

Until next year xx.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Tonight i'm gonna party like it's 1999!
It's been a while since i did a guest stink on the Super Podcast with Super Marcey. Last night we mic'd up and yammered on about movies released way back in 1999. It's was an oddly FULL year for big movies, you'd be surprised at how many well known ones came out that year. WHY NOT REVISIT IT WITH US!!!!!?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

My Favourite Films Of All Time! # 12Bram Stoker's Dracula [1992]
Directed by: Francis Ford Cappola
Starring: Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins

" I have crossed oceans of time to find you."

If you're looking for the definitive Dracula movie, then forget Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee as Dracula. All you need is this BEAST of a movie!.
Francis Ford Cappola may be known mostly for The Godfather, but to me, his true masterpiece was Dracula. The film is heavily based on the original novel by Bram Stoker, and it features the best portrayel of Dracula on screen, thanks to Gary Oldman in the title role. Before we get into that though, here's what Dracula is about....

In 14th century Romania, Prince Dracula [Gary Oldman] leaves his beloved Elizabeta [ha!] to fight against the crazy Turks invading his land. During Dracula's absence, Elizabeta hears false news of Dracula's death, and kills herself. On Dracula's return, he learns of his loves "bye bye" and goes a little nuts. In a fit of rage, Dracula renounces God and the Church for taking his lovers soul, and gives into his heartbreak and anger, which in turn makes him lose his soul, becoming the immortal walking undead FOREVERRRRRR!!!!!!

Fast forward to 18th century England, and Jonathan Harker must travel to Romania [the spooky Transylvania to be exact] to meet Dracula over some properties he has bought in England [ Dracula loves real estate! ha]. One night, Dracula catches a look at Jonathan's soon to be wife Mina in a photograph. She bares a striking resemblance to his beloved long lost Elizabeta, which sends Dracula into "obsessed ex" mode, forcing him to hold Jonathan captive in his spooky castle as Dracula sets off to England to woo the panties off Mina!.
Once Dracula arrives, he morphs into a younger version of himself and sets out to win Mina's heart. Dracula is a bit of a naughty boy though, so when he isn't taking Mina out on dates, he's drinking her best friend Lucy's blood and killing anyone else in his path.
Once Mina falls under his spell, it's up to Jonathan [who escapes his castle prison], and Dracula hunter, Van Helsing [Anthony Hopkins] to rescue her from becoming Dracula's undead bride!

The first thing you'll notice about this movie are the visuals. The movie looks BEAUTIFUL. The makers of the film wanted the movie to be very stylish and unique. A lot of work went into all the visual effects and iconic costumes [Dracula's titty wig anyone?]. They went for an OLD SKOOL style of effects shots that works really well in giving the movie a specific look and feel. At times, a few scenes may look a little "fake" [backgrounds ect], but that was the point. It all works anyway, so it's not something that will stick out a lot.My favourite thing about the Dracula story, is that on the surface, it's a basic vampire horror tale. But underneath it all, it's an incredibly erotic and powerful love story. Think about it, this guy loses the love of his life, and would rather GIVE UP HIS SOUL and wait for his one true love to return one day, then to die. He turns himself into an evil monster, all in the name of love. And when Mina realizes who he is, when she remembers him from her past life, even as a monster, she still wants to be with him. In the end, it's Mina who is the only one who can release him from his endless existence. It's powerful stuff. It's one of the most romantic films i've ever seen.

Romantic undertones aside, there is some serious vampire fuckery in this movie. Most notably involving Mina's best friend Lucy. Poor Lucy. She really gets fucked over and becomes a she devil!. Dracula feeds off her every night, causing her to crave blood and be horny 24/7. When he pays her visits, he appears to her as a werewolf creature and fucks her outside. That's some serious beastiality shit right there!. Then, he finally makes her one of his "brides" [there are 3 others, Dracula is a pimp, ha], only to have Lucy staked to death on her fist night out as a fresh new vampire!. Lucy can't ever seem to get a break, lol. She does look cool as a vampire though.

As i mentioned before, Gary Oldman is THA MAN as Dracula. He REALLY plays this role with a lot conviction. He acts his ass off!. He seemed to really drown himself in the role from what i saw during behind the scenes documentaries. He's incredible to watch.
Winona does a good job tooth whistling her way through her role as Mina. Anthony Hopkins plays Van Helsing as a bit of a mental case, but it works, and he provides some humor. Sadi Frost as Lucy is creepy as fuck, and looks like she's having a ball, very memorable character. The only wobbly casting comes from Keanu Reeves, who's a bit hit and miss throughout the movie with his stiff neck and stupid floppy hairdo. Oh and Monica Bellucci gets her titties out as another of Dracula's case any guys would like to know.

I keep revisiting this movie over and over. I watch it nearly every year, and i never get bored of it. I've never met anyone who didn't enjoy it either, it's just too well put together. Some say it's a bit style over substance, but with some of the performances in it, you can;t say the movie is ONLY nice to look at. It's so much more. I love it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Aoooh!The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Starring: Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart
Directed by: Chris Weitz


THIS is the Twilight movie i've been waiting for!!!!! The series has had a massive quality boost when compared to the first movie. Not that i hated Twilight........well....i kinda did on first viewing, but it grew on me, and i've come to accept it, even though it's MASSIVELY flawed. New Moon however, nearly reached PERFECT status at certain points. In fact, as an overall film, i was VERY pleased with the final result.

I give big props to director Chris Weitz for bringing a breath of fresh air to NM. Gone are the indie style camera movements and saturated blue tones of the first movie [which i liked]. Instead we have more of an Earthy looking film [in tone with the werewolf theme], and a much slicker and interesting style of direction. The tone and look of the book was captured perfectly. I can't fault anything about it. I'm happy to see Catherine Hardwick [Director of Twilight] gone from this project. No offense to the ladies reading this, but, this story needed more of a masculine touch to it. Catherine and her shaky cam and grainy close ups would have ruined this for me. It suited movie 1, but not this.

The introduction of Jacob was one of my favourite parts of the first movie, so it's no surprise that his beefed up role in NM made me enjoy this movie a lot more. In fact, Kristen Stewart had even BETTER chemistry with Taylor than she did with Rob Pattz. Bella becomes MUCH more like able when she's around Jacob. She smiles, she shows a range of emotion, she isn't just a droning, stuttering fool like she is when she's with Edward. They're a likable couple. Of course, i can't NOT mention Jacobs ripped abs, which were greeted by howling screams in the cinema every time he showed up, lol. I personally don't get it, you'd think the women in the audience hadn't ever seen a gym body before. He's a handsome young guy though, so i get it, but that's the issue with him for me, he's just too young to drool over. He is great in the part though.

Another great addition to the cast is Dakota Fanning as vampire Jane. She doesn't do much, but when she does pop up, she's a scurry lil' thang. The rest of the vampire clan, The Volturi, are pretty cool too. Especially Michael Sheen as Aro. Victoria's return in the film is also handled really well, and we get a great forest chase sequence [which wasn't in the book] between her and some werewolves. GREAT scene.

This IS Twilight, so it's not going to be problem free. There's still a bit of cheese thrown in every now and again. The main moment being a scene featuring Edward and Bella frolicking through a forest, dressed in Abecrombe and Finch clothing, all done in slow motion. It's laughable that it was included, and really took me out of the movie.
The vampire make up is also still really fucked. They look cool, don't get me wrong. They certainly LOOK "other worldly". But for vampires to LIVE with humans, there needs to be some sort of believability to how they appear. These vamps look anything but human. Sometimes they look fucking ridiculous! Jasper for example!!!!!! They fucked up his face in movie 1, but wait till you see him in this. GOOD LORD! it's like Edward Scissorhands bleached his whole head! he just looks really ugly and shit. Edward was looking a little on the pancake face side as well. Almost as if he was melting, like wax. No.

They make up for all of this with the AWESOME werewolf effects though. They were actually kinda scary, very big, and very vicious. I thought they'd make them a bit more cuddly, but they pulled them off well. I only wish we saw more of them.

Aside from minor make up gripes, and cheesy scenery, the rest of the movie was really enjoyable. It's getting a very mixed reception from fans, and not a very good one from critics, which is surprising me, because i find Twilight to be so inferior when compared to NM, but people seemed to enjoy Twilight more. Maybe it;'s because i enjoyed the NM book so much, i dunno. I really loved it. As a fan, i had a blast!