Bittersweet Failure!
Ashlee Simpson
Bittersweet World
1/5

Yes, "bitter" is a GOOD word to use in the title of this AWFUL new album from Ashlee Simpson. Now don't get me wrong, i'm no Ashlee hater, i actually like a few of her old songs, but really.......let's face it, her old "i'm a bad ass sk8r grl" image was a big fake mess [even though she wore a t-shirt that said "punk" in her Pieces of Me video, who are you trying to fool, bitch], and she most definitely was no ALBUM artist [a few catchy singles here and there......but that's it].....................her main exploits have been more "media" based......first there was the SNL lip synced, on air, confused, dancing jig mess that happened to her [kinda ironic considering she bad mouthed singers who lip synced, hypocrit much?] and then there's the infamous NOSE JOB!................yes, Ashlee and her nose, probably the only GOOD thing she has done in the subsequent years since her last shitty album.

But whatever, this isn't about her nose, this is about her new album, and it won't be hard summing up what you'd expect from it.......................firstly, there's only ONE shining moment of brilliance, and it's with the lead single Outta My Head, other than that though, there is fuck all left on offer for us. The DULL second single Boys [which i don't think is even getting any air play] is shit, the other "fan" favourite off the album is Rule Breaker.......which is Ashlee's attempt at innovation i guess, or something............and err...........well......i'm kinda trying to remember the other songs but i really can't.............nothing left a good impression, not even a shitty lasting one.....it all just went by and i forgot all about it. All i can say is, the whole album is an attempt at being "cool" and Ashlee just falls flat on her face with it...........which is a bad thing, because we don't want her damaging that nose of hers do we?

See, i said "nose" again, when you have nothing else to praise her for, it's kind all you got...........great nose Ashlee, seriously, looks awesome.................but your album? that could do with some surgery too.

Worst album of 08' so far.........and don't even get me started on that SHIT AWFUL album cover. Jesus.

FLOP.

Tracklist rating unavailable, because i don't want to waste my fucking time.

Milla Jovovich
The Divine Comedy
4/5

Oh yes! you aren't reading this wrong! that is in fact THE Milla Jovovich......the model!......the actress!........MAKING AN ALBUM!...........BUT!........don't freak out too much, this isn't actually a new album, in fact, it's quite old...........it was released way back in 1994 [fuck! nearly 15 years ago], it's just that i FINALLY got around to hearing it all in full.
Now.....this may have been Milla's only OFFICIAL album ever released under her name, but her official website has had a long list of her demos and songs for many years now, so i've ALWAYS enjoyed and downloaded her music. I had a handful of her tracks for sometime now, but just recently i decided to go back and get those missing tracks that i didn't get last time [the downloads are free btw].........and since then i've been on one MASSIVE Milla music kick!

Her music can take 3 different forms............she has her light electronic stuff, her more rockish tracks and her more FOLK sounding songs [which this album is FULL of]. She goes between genres fairly easily and her voice can go from hauntingly mellow to very raw and loud.
In The Divine Comedy [which she recorded at the RIPE age of 16 may i add] she merges a nice batch of influences..............it's kinda like a cross between Kate Bush, with a bit of Tori Amos mixed in.........and just a little bit of Jewel as well. It has a very magical feel to it, songs like Charlie, The Gentleman Who Fell, The Alien Song and You Did It All Before could have EASILY been taken off an old Kate Bush record..........we even get a bit of EUROPEAN CULTURE thrown in with the BEAUTIFUL song In A Glade which is sung in her native tongue....err...which i think is.........well, she's from the Ukraine, so........Ukrainian? lol!!!!!

As for the REST of her music NOT on this album, some of it can sound pretty experimental [Beat On Ice] and some can be very indie rock sounding [Left & Right]..........when she isn't channeling Bush or Amos, she's going mental with some David Bowie and Bjork influences!..........she's even worked with The Crystal Method on their Planet Of Boom album, and even sang some YIDDISH songs on the soundtrack for the movie Dummy!.............she's THAT versatile!!!!!!

Anyway, i just had to write SOMETHING about her music, i'm completely drowning in it at the moment and i just feel like spreading her stuff to EVERYONE i know, i feel like putting it all on a cd and selling it on the STREET!!!!!!..................The Divine Comedy has garnered quite the indie following over the years, but it's blaspheme that her other work isn't getting a proper commercial release!................she really is a visionary when it comes to her music! this bitch ain't JUST a pretty face...............in fact, i think she may positioned herself as one of my all time favourites musicians EVER!..................she's THAT good!..................not bad for someone who only releases music as a hobby.

So.............here's me doing my part in case a curious ear happens to read this:

Go to MillaJ.com and look through her music page and give her stuff a go, if it sounds like you'd be into her type of sound, then i urge you to give it a listen.

As for The Divine Comedy, since it's commercially available, you won't find the tracks on her official site, BUT, you can find it at Amazon.com

My god, i LOVE this woman.

The BEST & WORST Of 2007 - Part 1

Yay! My favourite time of the year, all my orgasms from my most loved things and all my piles of vomit from all my most hated things are collected and THROWN upon you all………take cover!

Music Of 2007
2007 was the YEAR of discovering/expanding OLD music for me [Rasputina, Tori Amos, Felix Da Housecat]……..as for all the NEW stuff this year, well…….the first half of 07’ was pretty dead music wise, got a few good releases here and there….but it wasn’t till the second half that all the albums kinda came FLOODING in, yay!..........so here they are…….my good and…err…not so good musical selections of the year:

The Best Albums...

15. Daft Punk Alive 2007
This TECHNICALLY should be in the #4 spot, but because it's a Live compilation of old songs, i decided to leave room for NEW music on the rest of my list.......anyway, it really is a ear popping listen, pretty much a non stop mash up of all their hits, remixed PERFECTLY. Daft FUNK!
Standout tracks: Err.....it's one big mash, so the WHOLE thing, uh!


14. Siobhan Donaghy Ghosts
A much stronger effort than her last album, she brings a bit of a Kate Bush vibe to some of the stuff on here. This album also gave me one of my new all time favourite songs EVER, Medevac.
Standout tracks: Medevac, Ghosts, 12 Bar Acid Blues.


13. Keiysha Cole Just Like You
VERY r&b and very "ghetto"...........i can't help but feel like patting my weave when i listen to this, still..........there is some really great stuff on here and she has a great voice.
Standout tracks: Didn't I Tell You, Heaven Sent, Give Me More.


12. The Veronicas Hook Me Up
The twins RETURN!!!!!.........and this time they ditched the pop/rock and went for a more pop/electro sound...........and surprisingly they pulled it off! I guess these girls wound up being a little more versatile than i thought. A nice change for them i think.
Standout tracks: This Is How It Feels, Everything, I Can't Stay Away.


11. The White Stripes Icky Thump
I was a little disappointed with the last effort from The Stripes [Get Behind Me Satan], it had that missing spark that made their ‘Elephant’ album so WONDERFUL.. Luckily with ‘Icky Thump’ they returned to a more accessible style of songs. With “rock” bands like Nickleback and ‘Hinder’ POISIONING airwaves, it’s good to see The Stripes really giving us a rock album that actually DESERVES it’s success.
Standout tracks: Bone Broke, Little Cream Soda, Prickly Thorn.


10. Nine Inch Nails Year Zero
When I heard ‘With Teeth’ on first listen, I didn’t really like it………so it was good sitting through Year Zero and actually loving a lot of the songs I was hearing when I first spun it. I don’t love the ENTIRE album, it does have it’s weak points, but there was enough on here that kept me
listening over and over. Plus, I must thanks Trent Reznor [Lord of the Universe] for ’Me, I’m Not’………..it’s the SEX!....oh and Vessel, that’s sex too, aheh.
Standout tracks: The Beginning Is The End, Vessel, Me I’m Not.


9. Timbaland Shock Value
After producing for every single fucking group on the planet, Timbaland FINALLY released his own album of songs. My expectations were high, and as usual with Timbo, he really delivered with the goods. So many great songs on here, ranging from r&b to pop and even a bit of rock. This has been on VERY heavy rotation since I got it. GREAT album. Now [plays ‘Time’]……I’m gonna get naked.
Standout tracks: Apologize, Time, Way I Are.


8. Kylie X
Not the BLAZING come back I expected, but this was still a really great effort from Ms. Minogue. The Queen of Plastic Face gives us a lovely BURST of electro pop with some nice catchy b-sides thrown in on the side. Her best album? Maybe…….she certainly OUT GAYED herself with this one.
Standout tracks: Speakerphone, Like A Drug, White Diamond.


7. Jennifer Lopez Brave
Yes, that's right, the biggest FLOP of the year was one of my MOST SPUN albums. It's a shame people didn't like this, because the album worked it's magic on me......i couldn't get enough of it. It's her second best album [her first being the masterwork 'J.Lo'], and i loved it so much i just HAD to shove it into my top 10 ..........i guess the fact that this was so hated is kinda cool to me, makes it more special because it feels more like it's MINE. Love you Jenny! well done.
Standout tracks: Forever, Be Mine, Frozen Moments.


6. The Donnas Bitchin’
This album came out of NOWHERE, for so long I’ve been waiting for The Donnas to BLOW my eardrums, and after getting inspired by 80’s rock bands, the girls finally managed to to do it! Heavy, loud and OH SO FUN!
Standout tracks: Don’t Wait Up For Me, Like An Animal, When The Show Is Over.


5. Kelly Clarkson My December
Something happened to Kelly in 2007, she kinda……went nuts and did a huge 360 on her new album! What I expected to be a Breakaway part 2, wound up being a very indie sounding, very sad and very personal collection of songs. The first time I heard it, I didn’t realize what was going on, but over time, the album slowly grew on me……….and eventually it blew my mind!!!!! Definitely her best album.
Standout tracks: Sober, Dirty Little Secret, Irvine.


4. Roisin Murphy Overpowered
Finally, Roisin pulled her finger out and WOKE UP, instead of giving us boring fluffy electro like on her last album, she went into the studio naked and rubbed pumping electro beats all over her body. This shit is DAMN GOOD!........whoever thought such a funny hat lady could make such dark and witheringly sexy beats. Oh!
Standout tracks: Primitive, Body Language, Pandora.


3. Britney Spears Blackout
Throughout all the mess of her life in the last 4 years, Britney still managed to put in enough studio time to give us the best album of her career. There’s so much to love on this, so many amazingly produced songs……….and even though Britney had little to do with the record, it’s still blew me away. Britney……well….Jive put a whole bunch of awesome pop songs together and wraped it up with a BIG bow! I believe her career is over, but at least she went out with a BANG!
Standout tracks: Piece of Me, Break The Ice, Gimme More.


2. Alicia Keys As I Am
Sigh, can she do no wrong?.........it’s a slow burning album, but once it grabs you, it’s SO addictive. She managed to top her last album with this……..it’s a very romantic mellow record, lot’s of nice smooth ballads. Now, let’s all sit together and drink CHAMPAIGN [clink].
Standout tracks: Go Ahead, Where Do We Go From Here, I Need You.


1. M.I.A. Kala
It’s like M.I.A was a kept in a cage……..and then finally, someone unleashed her upon the world!!!!!!! This album absolutely blew my fucking brains out, no one brought it as hard as she did this year!!!! Not only did she completely DESTROY her last album with this one, but she delivered one of my all time favourite albums EVER!!!!! She creates the beats, puts them in a fucking grinder and then THROWS them at you………..she’s a musical GENIUS! And she has completely outdone herself with this album. If it was anymore brilliant, I may have to throw myself off a cliff!!!!! In the words of the QUEEN herself………”Powah powah!”……….oh yes, Powah INDEED!
Standout tracks: Hussle, Paper Plain, Jimmy.


Special Mentions to: Marilyn Manson - Eat Me Drink Me.........Darren Hayes - This Delicate Thing We Made.............Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad..................Dannii - Unleashed.

The WORST Albums...

Avril Lavigne The Best Damn Thing
Ok, so Avril the PERSON is a douche bag, but Avril the musician is rather good. She has written some great songs on her first two albums, but with this third album, she shows she’s REALLY run out of things to sing about. The album sports only ONE good song [Runaway] and one other semi decent track [Keep Holding On]………the rest, absolute SHIT. The whole thing just drones on, it’s like a filler album. And has catchy as ‘Girlfriend’ was, it is a rather idiotic song………….just HOW long can she play the whole crazy coloured faux punk girl thing, it’s all getting a bit old isn’t it. Avril Lavigne - The Worst Damn Thing.


Linkin Park Minutes To Midnight
Another act I liked who seem to have run out of ideas. Poor Linkin Park, two solid albums and now a third DUD!.....not much else to say really, lots of songs lacking any sort of memorable melody, maybe two decent tracks……the rest, rather lifeless. The first single was good, but the rest………….crap. Not surprising we didn’t get any other hit singles off this one. Linkin Park - Minutes To Mediorce.


Muteya Buena Real Girl
I kinda had high hopes for this, she was always the more interesting Sugababe……so I was curious to see what she could offer as a solo act…….and it looks like not much. A lifeless boring attempt, lots of samey bullshit, some so-so tracks, but overall, just a collection of half interesting slow to mid tempo songs that don’t really take you anywhere interesting. That Amy Winehouse duet is utter SHIT as well. Muteya Buena - Real Shit.


Kelly Rowland Ms. Kelly
Jesus fucking Christ, Ms. Shitty more like it, what the fuck went wrong here?.......it’s like the worst rnb producers made this. So incredibly generic, so incredibly dull, it sounds like it was put together using songs that Christina Milian rejected. Her first album offered something pretty good actually, it was like a small taste of what was to come….or so it seemed. This album was destined to be DEAD on arrival. Kelly Rowland - Ms. Floppy.


Sugababes Change
The Sugababes have made my ears give BIRTH for a good 7 years now, always original, always catchy as hell and always MY type of pop. But this time, all they seemed to want to give me is a good long sleep, because that’s what this album does, puts me to sleep. It’s a ballad filled lifeless mess of a record, not necessarily BAD, just boring. Nothing grabs you, even the video clips were shit!........still, the girls seem to still have their own style going on which is good, and of course I still love and respect them, but I’m certainly giving THIS babes era a miss. Hopefully they pick it up again with their next album. Sugababes - Change My Diaper.


Rogue Traders Better In The Dark
Um…………….some advice, please learn to use a different type of sound!!!!!!! I can’t even remember a lot of this, I just remember everything kinda bleeding into everything…….the first single was probably a good indication of what was to come, because that single was SHIT. Sigh, they ARE a talented bunch though, a good live act, and I hope they do well. But this album, Better In The Dark?........i guess it REALLY isn’t, let’s hope their next album is made with the lights on. Rogue Traders - Not Better Off In The Dark.


Delta Goodrem Delta
If she wasn't so busy dressing up like a fairy and talking to Unicorns.....she may have actually released an album that had some fucking life in it. She showed promise with her first album and then took her second album in a much more mature and darker place...........it was with THAT second album that she finally stripped away SOME of her "pretty pretty" nonsense and gave us something.......a little more interesting. Sadly, for her new album, she has gone back to singing flower friendly ballads that have ANY sort of life to them, it's just a whole string of dead songs sung by an over airbrushed, sweet as sugar bore of a singer. The ONLY good thing this album delivered was the song 'Bare Hands'.........and she is.....growing i guess, as a performer and stuff..........but really, to me...........it's all so safe and boring. Delta Goodrem - Dullta.

The BEST & WORST Of 2007 - Part 2

The Best Singles...

10. Stronger Kanye West
It's the Daft Punk sample in this that makes it so fucking good!!!!! without it, Kayne is just another rapper. Great song and good video too. Hear it here

9. Leap of Faith Hadouken!
Electro punk rock, gotta love it! I’m keeping an eye out for this band, if this is the type of thing they’ll be offering in the future, then I’ll certainly be looking forward to it! Hear it here

8. Heart Shaped Glasses Marilyn Manson
Sexy beat, great vocals. The song and video work ESPECIALLY well together! For such an atrociously looking man, his music does turn me on! Hear it here

7. Earth Intruders Bjork
Her new album may not have blown me off my seat, but the lead single was simply BRILLIANT!!!!!! What a great fucking song, the first minute is EPIC and then it just goes loud and hard till the end. Timbo and Bjork should have joined forces on MORE tracks for her album this year……..one of her BEST songs EVER. Hear it here

6. With Every Heartbeat Robyn
Omg! Robyn gave me an ELECTROGASM with this song, how fucking good was this!, she ripped it up something major. One of the BEST build ups in a song I’ve ever heard, it just keeps going, I feel like running non stop everytime I hear this. Hear it here

5. Read My Mind The Killers
Ah, The Killers, always have a soft spot for them……..and although Sam’s Town wasn’t as good as Hot Fuss, it did give us the brilliant ‘When You Were Young’ and of course……’Read My Mind’. Very old skool sounding, Brandon’s vocals just fly through this so smoothly, great track. Plus the Japanese themed video, how can you go wrong with Japanese! Hear it here

4. Umbrella Rihanna
It seems like EVERYONE loved this song, it was EVERYWHERE, it just sticks right in your head and it doesn’t budge…..it’s a…..it’s a HEAD STICKERER!. I listened the shit out of this thing for SO long, it completely took over my brain. Still love it……but unlike Gimme More, it kinda out stayed it’s welcome a little *burp* Hear it here

3. Hurt Christina Aguilera
Wow, just wow, one of my all time favourite ballads! Truly! What a beautiful song, everything from the music to the vocal arrangement to the video clip, it was all just so damn fucking good. Love it! Hear it here

2. The Prayer Bloc Party
Another killer chorus.........this song ripped up my iPod speakers for a good long while, it was played NON stop for the first week that I heard it and all I could do was rave about it to everyone I knew. Bloc Party are a little hit and miss for me, but with this song, they really hit the nail on the head!………REALLY fucking hard. Hear it here

1. Gimme More Britney Spears
This was the PERFECT lead single off a fantastic album, THE pop song of 2007 for me, it’s an incredibly sexy club track and possibly her best lead single ever. I still have this on heavy rotation, GREAT chorus. “It’s Britney, bitch!”. Hear it here

The Worst Singles...

Lips Of An Angel Hinder
Worst song of the year, truly! Why did this have to exist? Why do these shit mainstream rock, husky voiced, Nickleback/Creed sound a like bands actually BECOME successful? Just gut wrenchingly bad, even the video was poor…….and is anyone out there able to differentiate one of their songs from the other? Lips of An Angel?..........more like Lips of a DEVIL! Hear it here if you dare

Beautiful Girls Sean Kingston
Beautiful girls, ugly song!......Why does shit like this reach #1?......who buys this crap? It’s like Akon meets Shaggy meets……a retarded chubby 12 year old black kid. Honestly, no. Hear it here if you dare!

Hey Delilah Plain White Tees
Jesus Christ, someone call the INDIE brigade, I think they lost a few members. Pretentious WANK of a song, filled with “oh so cool” guitar music and “oh so sweet” romantic lyrics about some bitch called Delilah. Even the NAME is wanky, “Delilah”……could they BE any more transparent. Hey Delilah…….piss off! Hear it here if you dare!

The Creeps Cammille Jones
It’s so repetitive, It’s so repetitive, It’s so repetitive, It’s so repetitive, It’s so repetitive, It’s so repetitive, It’s so repetitive, It’s so repetitive, It’s so repetitive…………one of/if not THE most annoying chorus of the WHOLE fucking year. I despise this song………..oh and did I mention, it’s so repetitive. Hear it here if you dare!

Love Today Mika
Dear Lord, hear my prayer, please put a STOP to the musical POISON that is Mikunt!.....oh God, it’s killing me. Grace Kelly was catchy for a while, but after you hear it 500,000,000,000,000 times on a daily basis, you kinda start to HATE it. Then he releases this MESS of a song, if the 5 watches he wears and the big afro like hair he has doesn’t turn you off enough, then this fucking song will. He sings “love, love me, love, love me”……..sorry Mikunt, but I “hate hate you, hate hate you”. Now CUNT OFF. Hear it here if you dare!

Buy U A Drank T-Pain
Hmmmmmmmm, drank…….buy you a drank!......riiiiight, well, I know ONE thing T-Pain can’t buy, good song lyrics, because these are some of the WORST I’ve ever heard. T-Pain indeed!.........pain in my fucking eardrums. Hear it here if you dare!

The BEST & WORST Of 2007 - Part 3

The BEST Music Videos...

Click images to watch


Christina Aguilera Hurt

Robyn Handle Me

Hadouken! Leap Of Faith

The WORST Music Video...

Rihanna Umbrella

Rihanna……….the shitty video CULPRIT of the year! They throw so much money at her videos, and they STILL can't come up with anything that doesn't make me cringe. Umbrella is all special effects filled and fancy, but really…….it’s hard to look past the WANKERY of this fucking video. The failed attempt at “bad girl” image, the stumpy legs, the STUPID water fight sequence, the random collection of scenes [painted silver in a video about Umbrellas, why?]………..it’s all just so shit. What IS the purpose of it?
Her second video ‘Shut Up & Drive’ was no better, it was like they got their colour ideas from a box of crayons.

The BEST & WORST Of 2007 - Part 4

The BEST Album Covers...




Two of the best covers this year, both simple, both use limited amounts of colour, both eye catching. Just for the record, that second cover is for the new 'Justice' album.



The WORST Album Covers...



Deare Brittany Speers,
I is John, I is 6 year old and I just learneded how to use the Photoshop 2 program on my daddys computar, I make yur new album cover for yuu Speers, I hope yoo liks it.
Yur Beaggest fan, Jon.



More like 'Audio GAY Dream'.............trying WAY too hard to be way too cool. The back cover was even WORSE, lmao!



Obviously Ms. Lopez is a BIG fan of Alien vs. Predator...................nuff said.

The BEST & WORST Of 2007 - Part 5

Movies Of 2007
What was meant to be a HUGE year for movies for me, wound up being rather……dead………well……..dead in the CINEMA sense anyway. It was the first time in my life that I only went to the cinemas a total of 2 times in one year! [but hey, one of those times was a 3D movie! wow!] And that’s weird for me, I’m like…movie boy!….cinema dude!.....film fella!........usually you’ll find me at the movies like…..20 times a year!......sigh. I guess the lack of cinema visits was a combination of a couple of things, the main one being the fact that I made friends with a nice Asian lady who sends me lots of err…..movies at home….IF you know what I mean [wink, wink]…….also, I’m a bit over spending my movie time with a whole crowd of idiots who shout/talk/sing throughout the entire movie...….like, fuck people are annoying. So my cinema experience officially ENDED this year! Will it return next year? possibly, BUT, no worries….the movies still kept on coming in this year, and I saw a fucking SHIT LOAD of them!.......



The BEST Movies...

10. A Mighty Heart Angelina Jolie
Dayum! This was HER movie, Angelina absolutely BRINGS IT in this. Her portrayal of Marian goes from quite and composed to complete loss and sadness. As the film goes along she just keeps unfolding, it’s so layered, the final scenes in the film are hard to watch, she was simply extraordinary in this.

9. Waitress Kerri Russell
OMG! what a CUTE movie!!!!...........i heard so many wonderful things about this and it really lived up to the hype. It's so pleasant and so.....colourful.......and so sweet.......i just.....i really did just love it. Kerri usually annoys me in movies, not sure why, i think it's her tiny triangle head and her fuzzy curly hairdo.......but she really won me over in this......from her baby hating to her pie baking........she was just OH SO wonderful! [skips in a circle eating pie].

8. Sunshine Cillian Murphy, Chris Evans, Rose Byrne.
Danny Boyle has made some damn GOOD movies in his time......Trainspotting, 28 Days Later......so it's no surprise that his first attempt at sci-fi wound up being fucking brilliant! It's part space drama, part supernatural thriller........and i loved every moment of it. Oh and another thing.....Chris Evans.....please remove all forms of clothing immediately, tks.

7. Dreamgirls Jennifer Hudson, Eddie Murphy, Beyonce Knowels
Forget Hairspray, the musical of 2007 was Dreamgirls!!!!!......i THINK this was released in late 2006 in the U.S, but over here it was released early January of this year, so i'm going to include it in my list!!!! Great songs, story and a STAR MAKING debut from Jennifer Hudson [forget Beyonce] this big bitch can sing!

6. Georgia Rule Jane Fonda, Lindsay Lohan, Felicity Huffman
When Lindsay isn’t on crack or crashing her car, she's showing us that she can REALLY fucking act, she was DAMN good in this! All of the woman were, they are the strongest point of the film and the chemistry between all three of them was BOOMING. But it’s Lindsay’s show, and WHAT a show she puts on. Go bitch, go!!!!

5. Things We Lost In The Fire Halle Berry, Benicio Del Toro
Halle’s character was a dumb bitch, but Benicio’s character was oh so sweet. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to date a drug addict more than I did with Benicio in this, lol! Of course with such great talent, you can expect nothing but top notch performances from both leads. Love me some Halle drama, she really is a great actress.

4. The Queen Helen Mirren
Wow, the Queen is a bit of a sour bitch, lol………what a FASCINATING insight into the goings on of the Royal family, you would think they’d be rather dull, but no……it’s quite the bitch fest behind those palace walls!!!!. Helen Mirren was rather IMMACULATE in this, her Oscar win was WELL deserved.

3. Notes On A Scandal Cate Blanchett, Judi Dench
Can Blanchett ever do any wrong?...........this bitch goes all out in this! Judi Dench does a good job as well playing the loony old lez! Pretty much had me glued from start to finish, which is no surprise considering who was cast in this. Cate got some serious acting balls!

2. The Mist Thomas Jane
Wow!............i was NOT expecting this to be such a fucking awesome movie! Such a GREAT concept for a story and one of the best Stephen King movies ever made. Had me glued all the way from the freaky beginning through to the surprisingly bitter ending! Thomas Jane did a great job in this as well.

1. 28 Weeks Later Rose Byrne, Robert Carlyl
I thought the first couldn’t be improved on, it was just so DAMN good, but no, they brought the story back and delivered the BEST movie experience I had this year! It still kept the feel of the first movie, which is SO important since it’s kinda like……..the “signature” of these films, and they gave us a whole new cast and storyline. Kept me on the edge of my sit from start to finish! Fucking AWESOME!

Special Mentions to: Year Of The Dog.........Grindhouse.........Shrek 3..........The Last King Of Scotland.

The Worst Movies...

Blood And Chocolate
Oh god, where the fuck do i start?.........AWFUL script, AWFUL casting.....most of these people couldn't act to save their lives! and the TRY hard attempt at a slick and modern werewolf film was VERY poorly executed. It looked like it was shot by an amature who was given a couple million bucks to shoot some sort of wankified Euro horror MESS. The movie had ONE thing going for it though, it's SO bad..........that i couldn't turn it off. I just HAD to see how this pathetic mess was going to end. Blood and Shit.

Daywatch
Everyone make way for the most boring movie of 2007!.............jesus fucking CHRIST, the sequel to what was a pretty cool foreign fantasy film wound up being a snore fest of BIBLICAL proportions. If you wind up watching this, make sure to have a pillow handy......LORD knows you'll need it.......and no, not to sleep on it, to suffocate yourself with it. Daywank.

Halloween
I couldn't even get through this pathetic TURD of a movie......note to Rob Zombie....STOP making movies! he has got to be one of the WORST directors around and he ain't getting any better. Oh and another thing Rob, STOP casting your wife in films, the bitch can't act! Oh and one more thing..........if your going to have bajillions of shaking bare titties in your movie, at least give us some sort of.......i dunno......REASON as to WHY this is happening?...........fucking AWFUL. Tittyween.

Ghost Rider
Let's get something straight here..............Nicholas Cage DOES NOT make a good superhero.........no!...........Nicholas Cage is also very unattractive........why was he cast in this?.......and why was Eva Mundane uh....i mean Eva Mendez cast in this?.......bitch can't even play a simple bimbo reporter role! I GUESS this was meant to be a dark comic flick........wound up being a fucking comedy. Crap Movie Role Rider.

Bratz
I filed an assault charge at my local police station after watching this, never have my eyes been so RAPED by something in their lives. The makers of this movie CLEARLY think 12 year old girls are a pack of fucking moronic twits..............how can ANY child actually ENJOY this???.........if i had a kid and it liked this movie, i'd smack it in the head and have SERIOUS worries about just HOW underdeveloped it's brain is. I tried to eat some ice cream after i watched this movie, but i kept trying to put the spoon in my eye?..........this movie must have done something to me, killed a few brain cells or something. Retardz.

I Know Who Killed Me
Good idea.............BAD execution!.........it's basically a MESS, it doesn't flow very well, it's choppy, it's badly acted, it's badly written, it has NO IDEA wtf type of movie it wants to be........thriller?.........drama?......supernatural something a rather?...........it's just like there was 50 ideas put into one script and then it was just........filmed! And don't even START me on the boring MESS that was the ending. I Know Who Killed Me...............yes, this movie did, BYE!

The BEST & WORST Of 2007 - Part 6

Best & Worst People
We had the worst.............Britney, Lindsay, Paris, Nicole, between each of these girls is jail time, pussy flashing and countless driving offenses!!!!! Young Hollywood, is quite simply......FUCKED.

Then we had the good stuff, star performances from Laura Dern [Inland Empire] and Angelina Jolie, and musical EXPLOSIONS from M.I.A and Alicia Keys........and yes, Britney too [sigh].......so who took the main....prize thingies?.......well

The Bestest Bitch Of The Year...

ANGELINA JOLIE! Is the bestest bitch!..........not only is she the most beautiful woman on the planet, but she also gave me one of the best performances in a movie this year with her role as Marian in A Mighty Heart. She continues to try and change lives in Africa, has the coolest kids ever! [yay! for multiculturalism], melted the screen as a computer animated Grendel in her new movie ‘Beowulf’ [go see it!] and will soon blast the shit out of our eyes in February when we see her as an assassin in ‘Wanted’. Plus there’s the whole list of other films she’s popping up in 2008.

But that’s not the end of it, not only is she beautiful, talented and has good taste in men [Brad, mine!] but she’s an INTELLECUTUALIST as well!.............she smurt!

She wrote an article for The Economist about “accountability for the atrocities in Darfur”, I mean…………..is there anything she can’t do????..........when I read bits of the article, I had NO idea what the fuck this bitch was on about, that’s true brains right there!!!!!!..................big words………..make big mess in head.

My love for her has been UNLIMITED since 1998, what’s that? A decade now…………oh Angelina!......................she gonna save the world you know.

The Retard Of The Year...

No, it’s not Britney………at least her life problems cause her mess, no……this year, my retard award goes to…………Rihanna, It doesn’t get any MORE fucking retarded than her.

First………she releases her new album…….and it’s good, I like it, although, the desperation fumes FLY off it, and it’s hard to ignore the way EVERY song on the album sounds like a song that already exists!

Then there’s the AWFUL single choices……….i mean, Shut Up And Drive?......Hate That I Love You?......come on, could she pick any shitter songs! Plus add onto that, the VIDEOS………the special effects filled idiocy of ‘Umbrella’ and then the blinding multi coloured crap of ‘Shut Up And Drive’. Also, take note, in all her videos, she acts REALLY baaaaad [rolls eyes].

There’s also the whole thing about her not having ANY stage presence……..if I got free tickets to see this bitch, I’d seriously wipe my ass with them, she is SO fucking DULL……….no matter how much MONEY they throw at her or how much they produce her, she just DOES NOT make an impact. It’s all FAKE.

And last, but not least…………the WORST part of it all…………her PRETENTIOUS fucking ATTITUDE…….someone needs to bring Rih Rih back to Earth, because she certainly ISN’T living on it. She made two comments this year that completely left me DUMBFOUNDED, the first one being that she is aiming to be “the black Madonna”……..seriously, I’m not even going to BOTHER explaining the complete retardation that is that quote, it’s quite simply……..fucking MORONIC. She ALSO claims that “no one else can sing the types of songs I sing”………yes Rihanna, because your songs, your voice, your whole fucking manufactured pop star career is TRULY original. How could ANYONE sing one of your random rnb/pop songs?........it takes great skill to sing “ella ella ella ella eh eh eh…….eh eh eh…..eh”…..truly!

She made a nice little album, but she pretty much is the epitome of CRAPPINESS, she continues to annoy, to bore and to run her mouth of like she is somehow…….prolific. Although, MTV have been throwing awards at her all year, she did after all win the Europe Mtv award for……lol…get ready……”Artist of the YEAR” LMFAO!!!!! LMFAO!!!!!! [wipes away tear] oh my, oh my……..sigh…….wow, Mtv really HAS gone to shit hasn’t it.

Hopefully Rihanna eventually goes to shit too.

And that's all folks...........:)

lata.

Slut.

Although the ultimate origin of slut is unknown, it first appeared in Middle English in 1402 as slutte, with the meaning "a dirty, untidy, or slovenly woman." Even earlier, Geoffory Chaucer used the word sluttish (c.1386) to describe a slovenly man; however, later uses appear almost exclusively associated with women. The modern sense of "a sexually promiscuous woman" dates to at least 1450.

Another early meaning was "kitchen maid or drudge" (c. 1450), a meaning retained as late as the 18th century, when hard knots of dough found in bread were referred to as "slut's pennies." A notable example of this use is Samuel Pepy's diary description of his servant girl as "an admirable slut" who "pleases us mightily, doing more service than both the others and deserves wages better". In the 19th century, the word was used as a euphemism in place of bitch in the sense of "a female dog."

The accepted denotative meaning is a sexually promiscuous woman or "a woman of a low or loose character; a bold or impudent girl; a hussy, jade." The term slut is therefore frequently used as an insult:

Hearne, 1715: "Nor was she a Woman of any Beauty, but was a nasty Slut."
Shenstone, 1765: "She's ugly, she's old,... And a slut, and a scold."

A few porn stars have embraced the term as a badge of pride for a sex-positive person.




Lol! thank you Wikipedia.

Catacombs
Shannon Sossymon, Alicia "Pink" Moore
2/5

On her first trip to Paris, a young woman hits a party in the Catacombs, the 200-mile labyrinth of limestone tunnels under the city that's lined with the remains of 7 million people. Separated from he...( read more )r friends, she becomes convinced that someone or something is chasing her.

This movie is "Pinks" first major role......she did......okaaaay i guess, it was pretty much her playing herself so it wasn't really a stretch or anything. I think if it actually came to her playing a proper character though, she'd flop pretty hard.
Anyway, the movie itself was rather shit.......starts off pretty badly, looks a bit cheap, has lame scares ect. ect.........the storyline DOES get a little interesting during the middle section though, the setting is kinda creepy and we see Shannon's character get into some bad situations.....i found myself actually wanting to see what happened next.
Sadly, it all goes up in smoke again once the ending is revealed........it was one of the worst ending i've ever seen, made NO fucking sense and just came out of nowhere. What was meant to be an "edge of your seat" finale wound up being a really fucking stupid idea........it just kinda leaves you thinking "what?.....why?".

I wouldn't go as far as saying it's a REALLY bad movie, but it is kinda crappy, VERY b grade, mediocre acting, not really scary.........just very VERY average with a fuck awful ending. It's cinema release date has been moved to 2008 [it was already released in France this year], i can see this getting slaughtered by the critics, lol.

Crapacombs.

They're in the fucking DARK alright!

Rogue Traders
Better In The Dark
1.5/5

The Rogue Traders new album is titled 'Better In The Dark'...........um..........no, clearly being in the dark did NOTHING good for them since the new album is seriously a boring fucking piece of crap.

Honestly, is it too much to ask for a pop/electro/rock band to actually give us some fucking catchy hooks!!!! their first album was decent...........a handful of pretty good rock/electro mashed popiness was DELIVERED too me on a shiny red and white coloured disc...........but they DID fail to REALLY grasp my mind, they NEARLY reached it....but.....at the end of it all............they didn't. They just managed to shake up the room a little.
So here comes their second album, i ready myself to turn up my speakers and hear the ripping guitars and pumping base line.....and what do i get..................boring same ol' bullshit from pretty much track 1 through to track 12. Their new single lacks ANY sort of bite, it's got that catchy RT sound too it, but the melody is non existent.....and as usual, the chorus is piss weak.
I don't ride them off just yet though.............i wait to give the album a spin...............i was expecting a LITTLE something like their first album managed to deliver, but no................nothing.
There is ONE cool track though, one songs that actually *DUN DUN DUN" has a melody!!!!!!! it DID manage to ENTER my neo cortex! the song is 'What You're On'.

Look, they ARE decent band, they are great live, the lead singer Ms. Natalie has a great voice and they have charisma and a very likable way about them. But for someone like me who LOVES this type of music, they really don't seem to be doing it for me. From time to time they do impress me, but there's never been one SOLID moment of music PERFECTION that has made me say "wow! fucking wow!

Rogue Traders - 'Better In The Dark'................more like 'Better Off Re-doing This Shitty Boring Album'.

I've sat through a few albums this year that were meant to be a step above, but wound up sadly being duds. Sugababes being the MAIN culprit of the bunch.......it PAINED me so much to FALL ASLEEP during a Sugababes album, that i couldn't even BRING myself to write a bad word about them on here. Sigh.......oh well.

Goya's Ghost
Natalie Portman
4/5

Set against the backdrop of political turmoil at the end of the Spanish Inquisition and start of the invasion of Spain by Napoleon’s army, the film captures the essence and beauty of Goya’s work which is best known for both the colorful depictions of the royal court and its people, and his grim depictions of the brutality of war and life in 18th century Spain.

The movie sounds like it's a biography about the painter Goyah, but it really isn't.....he's in it of course, and the main characters are based around his artworks........but his life is really just a backdrop for the real story which is about reaping what you you sew...........and the consequences of what PAST mistakes can do to you.
We go from seeing just how fucked up the church was back in "the day", to seeing peoples lives completely go by as the world around them changes and lies and secrets are kept buried.............or so they think. Everything comes to a complete circle by the end of it, which was good to see........though i must admit, the ending was a little uh.....random in parts..............i couldn't help but giggle when a certain character is executed and the crowd slowly flock to the stage to waltz in celebration, LMFAO!!!!!! freaky times, freaky times...

The stand out in this was Natalie Portman [no surprises there], she takes on two characters here and does it effortlessly, she is definitely one of Hollywood's best young actress's and one of my favourites. Beautiful too, especially in her part as Alicia.

The editing and cinematography were lovely, it's kinda hard to shoot movies in Spain without it looking nice though.......especially when it's a period piece.

A bit of an abrupt random ending, but overall a very solid movie, well worth the watch.

Australian Idull

Will someone please put a stop to this BULLSHIT!..........what was meant to be a great way for young eager performers to get their feet into the music industry has now become a milking machine for Sony BMG.................it seems all these cunts do is release artist after artist with 99% of them FLOPPING after their initial album release!

Every year the same thing happens, a whole bunch of people are picked to participate in the final 12, and once the winner is announced.........we then get a NEW bunch of record deals for half of the people on the show...........the only problem is, hardly any of them actually get anywhere. Which leads me to ask the question "why do people bother with Idol to begin with?"...........sure it's exposure, but it's also career suicide imo!!!!!!!................other than 2 of the original idols from the Aussie version, no other Idol winner or contestant has lasted beyond a second album. Their first albums do well because they get released quickly, it flies off shelves because all the 12 year old girls and 45 year old Mothers are caught up in the hype of the show and want SOMETHING from it. Then comes the "real" album which is the second release..........and what happens?............a poor debut and then a quick slide off the charts soon after...............it's a mess.
There is such a stigma that comes with being on the show, and if any of these contestant have EYES they would see that it hardly guarantees a proper long career. It's all 15 minutes of fame bullshit, why would you want it if it's all so easily thrown away by the record executives????

Guy Sebastion had a good run with his career, 3 albums [each selling less and less mind you]....Shannon Noll.............probably the most successful out of the bunch and still not doing too badly, but like Guy, his album sales are dwindling as well, Casey Donovan the lard has vanished..........Anthony Calia and his outdated MESS of songs have pretty much disappeared since he "came out".............though he came out AFTER his second album flopped, so his sexuality really had nothing to do with it............Kate DerAgoui or however you spell that SHIT had the same SHITTY run that Casey had, and because she was flopping......they stuck her in the ABYSMAL Young Divas girl group! Rickie Lee did alright with her first album.............where has her second album gone?..............Paulini, decent first album, second FLOP album..........then stuck in Young Divas as well.
The cycle just keeps going and people seem to ignore it when they go in for their Idol auditions, and as the years go on and the show continues........it's hard to actually give a shit about who wins, because it all starts to just look like "oh another Idol winner, i wonder how long this one will last" type of thing...............i mean who really cares anymore?

As for OTHER Idols in other countries, the ONLY one who seems to have produced ANY sort of successful international artist was American idol with Kelly Clarkson, her 3rd album may have been a flop...........but when you actually hear the album and STOP comparing it to her last one, you'll actually find a very well written and strong group of songs, SHE has longevity because she actually HAS something to say........she's taken herself AWAY from the Idol buzz and really created a career for herself. She took a risk with her new album, but it will be easy for her to bounce back with her next one because she has actually LASTED a decent amount of time and people know she's talented. Who else from the U.S?.............Ruben Studdard [sp?], flop........Clay Aiken..........LOL! fucking FLOP [and well deserved]......that's pretty much it, or at least the only bunch i've heard of from that end of the world. Other places?..............the UK......i can't even REMEMBER the name, but there was that black haired dude with the tiny head who looked like a fag, he flopped......err......i THINK someone else was launched from the UK one as well but i honestly can't fucking remember them.

I'm all for "talent shows".................some people are against them because they feel "oh, we struggle so hard as artist and then people just pick up a contract so easy off tv, it's not real"...............i don't agree with that, if you want commercial success then i say go for ANY opportunity that is on offer, why bother STRUGGLING when you have an opportunity to actually make something of yourself..................fuck that, i'd fucking take it. The only problem is.........Idol has gone from "finding Australia's new talent" to "finding the next milkable nothing".............it's already been on for like....6 years or something...........how much longer will it go for?.............by the end of it's run we will most likely only have 2 Idols who still have SOME SORT of a career..............the rest are either going to go back to their old shitty lives OR be local acts at the nearest Casino.

Australian Idol.....................................no.

Starbucksney

Since she's swapped meth for coffee, Starbucks have decided to give their most LOYAL customer [Britney Spears] the offer to be the new face of Starbucks!!!!!!......since she doesn't want to promote her new album, do an album cover photoshoot, do anything else other than.....drink coffee.....she has taken them up on the offer, they even stuck her on the logo....



I hope they don't actually CHARGE her for the 50 coffees a day she buys there, surely having a Starbucks coffee hanging off your hand as you drive, eat, sleep, shower, masturbate, urinate ect. is promo enough for them..............not that it matters i guess, now that she's the official sponsor of the fucking place she has a whole truck full delivered to her house every morning!!!!!!..........now she can drink it.......bathe in it........play water slides with it........swim in it.......fucking DROWN herself in it!!!!!



Love you Britters............but lay off the double cream ice lattes.

Disturbia
Shia LaBeouf
3.5/5

After his father’s accidental death, Kale (Shia LaBeouf) remains withdrawn and troubled. When he lashes out at a well-intentioned but insensitive teacher, he finds himself under a court-ordered house ...( read more )arrest.
His interests turn outside the windows of his suburban home toward those of his neighbors, including a mutual attraction to the new girl next door (Sarah Roemer). Together, they begin to suspect that another neighbor is a serial killer.

I must say, i was expecting a LITTLE more from this.......from the trailers i kinda had an idea of what type of movie i was in for, and now that i finally saw it, i guess my expectations where right. Don't get me wrong, my expectations were fine........but, everyone around me seemed to be telling me how fantastic the movie was and how thrilling it is...........and even though i did enjoy it, it really didn't give me the ORGASMIC JOLTS i expected it to.

Anyway, other then THAT i did like it.......good thriller, high point of the movie? Mr. Shia LeBouf [or however the fuck you spell it], i like watching Shia, he's a good actor, very natural, very charismatic and pretty cute too. The rest of the cast do a good job also, although his Asian friend was a bit annoying, it was good seeing Carrie Ann Moss in something new as well.

I haven't seen Rear Window [which the movie it's loosely based on], so i can't really compare the two, but as a stand alone film, it was well done.

Flashdance
Jennifer Beals
5/5

Jennifer Beals holds down a macho job as a welder by day, but performs erotic dance numbers in a club at night. It's not a strip club, so her morality remains intact. She sets out to follow her dream of becoming a professional dancer, finding love along the way.

For me, the one movie that is the EPITOME of the 80's, is FLASHDANCE! oh how i remember those days, long ago when i was a little boy, pulling my parents Flashdance VHS out of the cupboard and watching it over and over.
It's a great movie to re-visit and one of those films you can watch over and over. It was one of the first movies to be completely be aimed at the MTV generation back in the day, so......because of that we aren't really getting anything too deep and complex...........BUT.......where the movie lacks in story it makes up in great songs, great dancing and best of all........great casting.
Jennifer Beals was PERFECT in this, her face, the way she delivers the character is so simple but so sweet.........she's VERY likable in the role and really gives the movie something special.

An 80's classic and one of my all time favourites.